This morning, when I groggily told my husband that I’d like to trade the baby for a toaster, I was only half-kidding.
I. am. exhausted.
A couple days ago, a teething Baby Y decided to use my left breast as a chew toy, leaving a full-on puncture wound. I couldn’t let him latch to eat on that side – it was excruciating. But I knew I still had to pump to keep up my supply and avoid engorgement.
We were traveling, though, and all I had was my little manual pump. It just couldn’t get enough out. Ever since, I have been battling a plugged duct that laughs at hot showers and warm compresses and electric pumps.
Also, our boy has decided that sleep is for the weak. We successfully unswaddled him before hitting the road for Christmas, but he’s become a crib gymnast since returning. He’ll whine or cry incessantly until we come in and find him rocking back and forth on all fours, bright-eyed and smug-looking.
Papa Y has a mountain of work, so I feel guilty passing the baby off to him. But between feeding woes and sleep battles and post-holiday exhaustion, I am running on fumes.
I burst into tears at least three times today, once in front of the baby. He found it funny. Broke into a giggle that I would find adorable under any other circumstance. And I actually seethed a little bit at my six-month-old, who knows only that Mommy was making a funny face. Dumb, I know.
Desperate, I took Baby Y to the local high school track – one of the few safe places to walk in our mountain town – for some fresh air, albeit cold, and a change of scenery.
Of course, he promptly fell asleep. I dutifully walked in a circle for more than an hour to make sure he would get a decent nap. I listened to some happy music on my phone. And I did feel better, at least temporarily.
But that’s just it – it was fleeting. Everything is now. Every time I think I have this figured out, some new development knocks the wind out of me. I scramble to catch up, to do right by my kiddo, and figure out a new plan to keep us all happy. Repeat ad nauseam.
Meanwhile, the trappings of my former life languish in a heap in the corner of my mind. I used to read for pleasure. I used to exercise. I used to iron my clothes. I used to put on make-up.
I am a new-mommy cliché.
And mostly, I’m OK with that because I know it will get better. I just wish I could remember that on days like today, when the tunnel seems dark, and the light at the end seems very far away.
pomegranate / 3008 posts
I’m so sorry! You are far from a new-mommy cliche in my opinion – you’re simply human like the rest of us. We all hit that wall from time to time. As you said, it will pass though knowing that is little comfort when you don’t know WHEN it will pass and have something to count down to. I think you did awesomely by changing your scenery and putting baby’s needs above your own by making sure he got a good nap and you were allowed to unwind a little at the same time. Occasionally I just had to set my son down somewhere safe and leave the room for 10 minutes and decompress.
pea / 17 posts
I have so been where you are. There are rough days/weeks like you described.
I don’t know how i survived the exhaustion and “puncture” wounds with clogged milk ducts/milk blisters / or those nagging firm lumps! Gah!
Mommy hugs to you. Its times like these I was so grateful for my mommy friends who i would send a lamenting email/text and they would reply with encouraging words of any one of these comments:
-yeah it sucks sometimes
– your baby is so loved, so lucky to have a caring exhausted mom some babies in this world dont even have that
– this too shall pass
-the days are long, the yrs are short, when in doubt just hold your baby!
– finding a daily affirmation to keep up my positivity.
– there was a beautiful video on youtube…. I watched it a lot. I can’t find the link right now. But when i do find it i will link it here for ya. It’s heart warming for new mommas
((hugs)). I tell this to my friends who are new mommy’s… It gets easier & challenging in different ways as the newborn becomes an infant then toddler! :-).
olive / 54 posts
hang in there! it really does get a little better. my little guy (till this day) is not a good sleeper and I was running on 4 hours of sleep up until he was a little over a year. The only reason why i sleep now is because he sleeps with me. *shrug*
honeydew / 7968 posts
such fun to look forward to eh? =( hang in there!
persimmon / 1329 posts
I can’t imagine how tired you must be. Sending you some good vibes. Whenever, I feel down that stupid saying from Dory on NEMO pops in to my head, “just keep swimming!” Hang in there, mama!
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
Thanks ladies … sometimes all it takes to make it better is typing it out!
@tequiero21: The good days outweigh ones like this 100 to 1. But it’s better to go in with eyes wide open, right?
cherry / 207 posts
Hang in there! Hugs!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. Hang in there! It will get better.
GOLD / olive / 65 posts
The days can be hard. Sometimes there are a lot of bad days. And sometimes there are only a few. There are always new challenges and new things that send me into an angry snit. But, luckily there are fewer and fewer “new” things that happen as they get older. The old adage “The days are long but the years are short” rings so true. The bad days always make me want to pull my hair out. Luckily, the next day always seems to feel a bit better. Never feel bad for being angry or upset. It’s human and teaches our kids what emotions are and how to handle them appropriately. See? Even that bad day is somehow worthwhile. And when in doubt, I fix myself a sundae or a hot chocolate that night and indulge in something that’s mine alone.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@hideandseek: I may need to use your sundae trick …
Though it may be counter to my new years resolutions!
cherry / 116 posts
That’s what vodka is for!
(only partly kidding…..)
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@mekarual: If not for breastfeeding … sigh
cherry / 228 posts
I’m so sorry for you I know how you feel… hang in there!
Question- you mentioned that you successfully weaned baby Y off of his swaddle!! How did you do that? My LO is 4.5 months and he still jumps when he sleeps so we still swaddle him.. We use the woombie and he sleeps really well with it… but he can’t even fall asleep for naps w/o one… I’m really worry that he won’t be able to sleep w/o a swaddle for a very very long time!
GOLD / olive / 65 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: LOL! It’s a good trick. Nothing like little pleasures to set things back on track.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@reggie: I think I will blog about deswaddling very soon, but we actually went cold turkey! But I honestly think his age (6 mos) helped. He had gotten to the point where he was so active during the day that he wanted that freedom to move at night, too. For what it’s worth, we tried cold turkey at 4 months and it was a disaster.
cherry / 190 posts
An amber teething necklace made our sleep remarkably better, even during the few non-teething moments we’ve had. We got ours about 4 months ago and she wore it with great success until it got lost about 2-3 weeks ago. Sleep has been rough since then, we’re currently waiting on a replacement in the mail.. Might be worth a try…
cherry / 228 posts
i can’t wait to read about your deswaddling experience! we are trying one arm out with Eli right now… sometimes he sleeps fine… sometimes he needs us to swaddle him back… it’s all very random.. but we are hopeful!
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@Laneybugsmommy: do you just put it on them when awake? Do you have a link?
cherry / 190 posts
@Mrs YoYo: personally we leave hers on while she’s sleeping but it’s all about your comfort level.. When she was smaller we wrapped it over her ankle with a sock over it… I can’t link through my phone but google inspired by finn. That’s the brand we use and love tho ours were bought through sales on baby steals. Amazon also sometimes sells them a little cheaper or I believe they’re on sale at mamisandpapis.com right now. Also we broke swaddling cold turkey by introducing a lovey for her to hold.. It took trying a few different ones but we found a bunny with ears she could easily grasp and chew that has worked wonders. Good luck!.
guest
Oh, I *so* feel your pain!
guest
Mrs Y– we got C a teething necklace for Christmas, I’ll show you and send a link. Think I’ll be trying it tonight, on her ankle like laney mentioned.
cherry / 190 posts
We love our teething necklace- We keep it on at all times except bath and swimming etc. Now that shes older she sleeps with it on her neck but I really feel like it helps us as much during the day as it does at night honestly. She’s a much happier child with her necklace and I’d recommend it to anyone!
kiwi / 718 posts
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I hope in the few days since you’ve posted you’ve been able to get some rest. At least you’ve been able to hold onto your sense of humour, though? because “sleep is for the weak” really made me laugh out loud.