My online friends, that is.
When I started blogging about our struggles TTC, so many women reached out to me who were also facing similar challenges. I bonded with these women over the internet and still follow their stories, as documented online. A few of them are now pregnant, but many are not and my heart aches to think about the pain they must be feeling.
Now that I’m pregnant, I know many of them no longer read my blog. How could I blame them? I remember I didn’t unsubscribe from any blogs of pregnant women during my year+ of TTC and I hated myself for it. Every time I’d see a post by yet another pregnant woman, so many emotions would flood through me: happiness, longing, anger, jealousy, despair. This goes for social media, as well. It was hard to see status updates about the aches and pains, or even the joys of pregnancy.
I always thought I’d be different when I was pregnant – I wouldn’t be like them. Haha… well, I’m sure you see what I’ve turned into…
I do try to be mindful about things I write in posts and status updates, but it’s impossible to censor everything while still being honest. I want to document this time in my life so I can look back years down the line and remember how it felt to be pregnant for the first time. I think I should be able to experience the joys of pregnancy, just as all women do. I have to remind myself of that everyday: it’s ok to enjoy this. It’s ok to feel so happy inside I might burst. And it’s ok to write about those feelings.
While I’m sad that I no longer have these connections with other women who are still struggling with infertility, I am happy that I’ve made new ones with other pregnant women and even moms. And I know one day my old friends will join me on this new journey.
honeydew / 7968 posts
yeah, it’s so hard to try and be happy for other people when you’re going through a tough time. you try, and hope it shows through, but you don’t feel it inside. i remember thinking how upsetting it was that we tried for so long and other people made it look SO darn easy!
GOLD / olive / 65 posts
I remember the feelings well. It IS hard to be candid and not feel guilty for sharing about having what you’ve dreamed. But on the same note; we all deserve to feel happiness and joy during the special times in our lives no matter what they are. I also respect the boundaries of those who cannot share in my joy and realize that they have to feel what they feel too. Not easy for anyone!
bananas / 9118 posts
Exactly! I remember how I felt when other ladies would get their BFP’s, and yet again it wasn’t our month. Then when we got ours finally, it felt awkward announcing since the BFN’s were fresh on my mind. I do wonder how some of my internet friends did on Fertility Friend, because I let my membership lapse after the BFP.
guest
I had a friend wait 5+ months to tell me she was expecting (she doesn’t live close) because she didn’t want to offend me due to our previous miscarriages. I was more offended she didn’t tell me.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
It is hard to see others becoming pregnant when you are TTC, but at the same time it gives me hope because I know that my time will come.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
@Beth: I also had a friend who was afraid to tell me she was pregnant (without even trying) and I felt terrible that she was scared to share such exciting news with me.