Hellobee

I totally get where you’re coming from, and have had those thoughts myself. We have two small dogs who were once the center of my world. They kept me company while I was on bed rest and even visited me in the hospital when I was having complications with DS1. After he was born, they got less attention initially. But now that DS1 is 2 years old, they get their attention from him.

Now that we have DS2, they get even less attention from us, which I feel totally guilty about. But I realize it’s just a phase. Both DS1 and DS2 will be playing with them and chasing them around our backyard by this time next year. And they know I love them and will always take care of them, regardless if I have as much time to dedicate to them. Having pets and babies is a struggle, and sometimes I think they would be better cared for in another home, but then I realize that we made a commitment to have them in our family, and it will stay that way.

Like you, I have two cats too and they have been with us for 7 years. They don’t really care for my babies. Mao Mao is ‘motherly’ when they were little and not mobile, she’ll sit or lay down by them quietly. Now she pretty much runs away whenever my 2.5 year old is around. Kiki my scaredy cat amazes me by letting her touch her nose!

Mao Mao is in our room and on our bed every night looking for some head scratches while Kiki is under the dinner tabe every night looking for our feet to scratch her head. These antics are annoying when you are sleep deprived and trying to finish dinner quickly with a toddler and keeping an open ear for our twins. It doesn’t help that Mao Mao is otherwise known as barfy and has been known to express her displeasure at us by pee-ing outside her litter pan or worse, poo-ing on our bath mats.

I did not contemplate giving them away with the arrival of my babies but I did ask the DH just last week if we should give them away to better loving homes since we hardly have any time for them. Despite being annoyed with Mao Mao’s regular barfing and occasional bathroom misbehavior, DH was against the idea. I guess we just have to give them attention whenever we can ….

I left my beloved dog in california when I moved out to georgia. although it GREATLY pained me, I knew he would be showered with so much more attention if he stayed with my family. There, he has 3 women (mom and sisters) doting on him. Taking him for walks, on outings to the mall, etc. Someone is almost always home too. I moved out here when we were newly married and without a LO, but even then I knew it would suck for him being home all alone during the day while we were at work.
I wouldn’t even consider bringing him here now that I have a LO. My dog’s super needy so it would probably drive me crazy having to care for him too..
I really admire people who can manage pets+babies, but I definitely wouldn’t be able to do it.

Mrs. Bee, I totally get where you are coming from, but I have to say I am really alarmed at the impact that a post like this could have on new parents who have pets. *Almost nobody* has the kind of option that your friend had, to give her pet to someone she knew and trusted and who would be dedicated to taking care of her pet. (Most people who want to adopt pets prefer to pick them out themselves, and they usually prefer younger pets, not aging adults – it’s a rare soul who gladly takes in someone else’s older pet).

In a huge number of cases where new parents (or anybody) gives up a pet under the impression that someone else will be better able to give it the love and care it needs, that pet ends up euthanized.

I don’t recommend reading this unless you’re prepared for a good cry, because it is incredibly sad, but it’s also a big eye-opener: “Letter From a Shelter Manager” http://www.askspikeonline.com/2009/01/23/a-letter-from-a-shelter-manager/

Mrs. Bee, I definitely don’t mean to imply that you or anyone else on this blog would carelessly give their pet up to a kill shelter, but the fact is that so many, many people do so under the false impression that they’re doing what’s best for the pet. Please, please keep your pets in your homes; even if they’re less happy than they were before you had babies, they’re absolutely happier than they would be facing a highly uncertain fate at a shelter.

I have to say I agree with Pawprints. The sad reality is that there has always been overcrowding in shelters and I fear that the situation has only become worse since the recession. If you are able to find a good, trusted home like Mrs. Bee’s friend, that’s one thing. However, I’m not sure how common this outcome would be.

Admittedly, I say this as a pregnant woman with a two year old English bulldog in my home and, of course, I really do not have any idea how difficult it will be to manage a household with a child and pets. But… I just strongly believe that pets are forever.

I had to give my dog to my parents 4 years ago and I don’t even have kids. I just couldn’t give her the time and attention she needed and I was overwhelmed even after 2 years of having her in the city. Dogs are a lot of work, yes the payoff is great, but some people argue they are more work than children (not that I would know). She lives a very happy and spoiled life in the suburbs and even forgets I am her Mom now, but I am so grateful that I don’t have to worry about her anymore and she is happy. The apartment I just purchased doesn’t allow dogs, which I am thankful for so I am never tempted to get another one. DH and I do want to have kids soon and we think adopting a pet would make things too hard on us.

@PawPrints: @meredithNYC: thanks for your comments!

i know not everyone is in a situation similar to my friend, and i would never recommend giving pets to a shelter. i have rescued many strays in my life and have always dreamed about opening a no-kill shelter one day. i do believe pets are forever and i would never give smokey away. it’s just hard to feel like i’m not giving her as good of a life as she deserves.

Have to admit I kind of judge people who give away pets because of kids. I think adopting a pet is a commitment for life except under extreme circumstances.

HOWEVER, let me say, my amazing Puffy went from being a center of attention to a secondary character in our home, and it started when I was pregnant. I felt bad and I feel bad about it. She passed away suddenly when my babe was about 9 months old. I hope she didn’t feel like we didn’t love her or want her anymore. I even remember this one moment when I was a crazy new mom and everyone was driving me nuts, I yelled at the dog, “I’m so sick of you!” I immediately felt soooo horrible. I thought I was past this but I am kind of tearing up as I write this. I know pet owners will understand though.

My LO is just getting to the age where she’s starting to pay attention to our dog and watch him a lot. Before he would lick her feet and she didn’t have a clue what was going on, and she didn’t really care. Our dog didn’t like my LO at first because she was loud and would cry a lot. And he’s still jealous of her because she gets so much attention. But he does love to lick her and lick anything she’s drooled on. I feel like they’ll grow to love each other.

I don’t spend nearly as much time with my pup as I used to. I always have the baby in my arms. But he does get lots of love still, my husband plays with him in our backyard, and my mom comes over a lot and walks him and takes him to the dog park.

We have an 11 year old Maltese and, thankfully, she gets along with my son. I would be so torn (like many others) if they didn’t get along. I took extra steps to make sure that they got along and started when my son was an infant and before he became super grabby. I also think it’s her personality too. She’s a gentle dog and just needs reassurance that he won’t harm her. She would NEVER bite me or my son (knock on wood!) but she has accidentally knocked her tooth on my son’s hand once or twice while playing but didn’t draw blood. That’s happened to me many times in the past too. Of course, she can be moody and just don’t want to be bothered by him. That’s when I step in and break them up.

As for how much time do I spend with my dog now? Definitely less but I still make the effort to play with her once a day and baby her. It helps that when I play with her so does my son. I tell him to toss her toys around and she fetches for them. But sometimes she tells on my son by giving me this look like… “he took my toy!” It’s pretty funny, actually.

I do feel very lucky that they get along and I can enjoy having both of them be happy together. Now, I don’t know how things will be after #2 gets here though! Hopefully, she won’t be too sad the way she was when #1 was born b/c she’ll have my son to play with.

this is one of my fears as well. since we have a boxer, though, & they are renowned as being amazing family dogs, I’m hoping that the transition will be smooth & relatively painless. *knock on wood*

We have a Westie (and a cat…but the cat really could care the less…he’s on his own schedule) and if you read anything about Westies on the internet the main thing that you see is that they do not under any circumstances get along with children. We read so much about how to introduce her to the baby and how to train her. Honestly we were scared but knew we’d never give her up. Lo and behold she is AMAZING with the baby after maybe a week of not really liking him when he first came home. Our only problem is that she’s super protective of the stroller and barks/snarls at anyone she thinks might possibly come close to “harm” the baby. While cute it’s really annoying.

I grew up with German Shepard’s, notorious for either loving you or hating you and while one hated me my parents and grandparents never thought of getting rid of them. A lot about having a pet is teaching not only the pet how to deal with the addition(s) to the family but almost more important is teaching the new addition(s) how to treat the pet properly.

Everyone on here seems pretty level headed and “wise” about this topic. YES it is VERY fortunate that Mrs. Bee’s friend was able to give the dog to a person she KNOWS and trust well. Somewhere where she can continue to see her beloved pet. I personally think pets should be rehomed only under extreme situations as well. Sadly SO MANY dont do this. They drop their pet off at a shelter or a rescue believing they will find a wonderful new home. Let me tell you how a shelter workers mind set works. Which to me I can understand but is still alarming as I am in rescue. (There is a difference between a Rescue and a Shelter) Shelters beleive that “a” home is better than NO home. They typically have a very easy “adoption” process. Easy to send a dog/cat home to a home that “may” work vs possibly having to put it down to not having room. If anyone HAS to give up a pet I reccomend they give them to Rescue group (such as what I work with) that is no kill, best if you can find breed specific and foster based meaning the pet will live in an actual home with someone. Here is the hard part. So many times Rescues are pact full, they dont have any room for more. I think of it as a domino effect. If your going to give up your pet, YES its best chances are with a Rescue, but then on the same hand thats one less that the recue cant take in of a dog or cat on “death row” in a shelter or from another bad situation and basically takes up “a spot”. Its an ugly truth that is just not seen by many. I mean really you cant see it unless you really involved in it. For example, the area I live in actually has nice shelter that are not “that” bad. People around here dont see a “problem” so to say. However its nicer places like this that make differences in areas that are much worse. There are tons of organizations that ship/fly/drive animals to “safer” areas in attempts to rehome them. Its really hard to try to exaplain this all and to put it into “big picture” But basically any time a dog or cat or pet is taken from one home to another it does have a total impact on this big picture. Even if you find a friend or family member to take in your pet. If someone has room for a pet, or another pet….then would they not have had room for another one who was much more in need of the basic life saving necesities such as food and shelter had they not taken in yours? I guess what I am trying to say, is even though there is guilt for not always having as much time for our pets as we would like to, just remember how much you ARE giving them. When you think of the alarming number of 9-11 MILLION euthanized every year, and keep in mind the “domino effect”, then to me…”big picture” the time we wish we could give them more of is not that bad. Yes of course we all want the best for our furbabies, and they all deserve the best right? But out there there are so many who could easily capture your heart that we unfortuantly never get to meet. I just think sometimes people need to be reminded of what they can not see. Sometimes in nicer areas where we dont see tons of strays or have alarming rates of animal abuse, finding a new home for a pet does not seem that bad, until you think of the “big picture” I keep talking about. Once our children are older, this guilty feeling time period will have passed and our children will be old enough to be another person in the house who can show love and affection to them. By no means do I mean to offend anyone and by my name I am sure you can see why I am very passionate about this topic. @Mrs. Bee. I know this was not at all what you were getting to in your post and it kind of just ended up getting in a round about way. By no means am I suggesting even that anyone here would dump or drop off a pet. Like I said, do not mean to upset anyone, just wanted to add my insight on the sometimes unseen.

I know exactly how you feel. I adopted two kittens someone left in my driveway at 4 weeks old. I’ve had them for a couple years and they were my kids. They kept me company during some rough times. In the last year though I met my husband, found out we were expecting and decided to get married. He was never a cat person. I tired to make him more comfortable with my cats but one of them he just didn’t get along with. She was very demanding of my attention and always under our feet. He was constantly annoyed at her and I was always worried about him being mad and at how she would react to the baby. That being said he never did anything mean to her and he absolutely loved the other cat (who is such a people person, I’m fairly confident she won’t have any issues with a baby) so we started looking for another home for the one that was causing the tension. Then a few weeks ago, she ran out the door (not uncommon, we live in a semi rural area) and didn’t come back. I walked around the woods calling for her a few times and kept calling her when I was outside for about a week but at 6.5 months pregnant, just before Christmas, I couldn’t handle the stress so we let it go and figured it was for the best. My other cat has really come out of he shell by herself and its crazy to see how much my husband, the non-cat person loves her and spoils her but I feel so guilty about losing the other cat.

I don’t have a baby yet but I do think about this topic a lot. My husband and I have a cat and two dogs and we love them all so much. Once we have a baby I don’t want the animals to think that we don’t love them anymore because we don’t have as much time for them.

We never have enough time for our two labradors – because let’s face it they would take all of our time if we would let them. My DH and I both work fulltime and are both in grad school so we definitely don’t have enough time for them but they have a good life and get daily walks and I couldn’t imagine life without them and I know they wouldn’t like life without us (we are their people after all). So even if we don’t give them as much attention as they would like – they still have us and each other and that is how it will be in the future too.

Perfect day to post this one- we got home from the hospital an hour and a half ago with our new son… and are doing the pet intros right now.
So far so good, it worked out well for us that Cameron had to be under the bili lights for an extra day, so I was able to come home for a couple of hours last night with some blankets and shirts and start the smell process.
The dog just wants to lick him like crazy right now (we knew he’s going to be a great mother, just worried how protective he’ll be around the cats and other people), and our 3 cats are in various stages from curiosity to denial.

It is going to be an interesting couple of days.

I am a strong believer in animals being a part of the family. Our cat (Buddha) is our baby, and no matter what we will not and cannot get rid of him. He’s just under a year so we’re getting him neutered a few days before Cameron is due (it was the only appointment), and hoping for the best. Because he’s so young and they’ll basically grow up together, I think he’ll be okay though.

And I agree with other posters, if ou’re going to give your animal to a shelter, make sure it’s no kill, or find a rescue instead! There’s lots around, and the surrender fee is usually more than worth it for piece of mind. Especially for a rescue where they do home inspections and whatnot before adopting out.

Mrs. Bee – this was a wonderful post. I have a 9 month old son at home and even though I am a SAHM, I find it hard to give my 5 yr old dog the attention he desperately needs and deserves. Before the baby, Winston was taken on several daily walks and also intensive ball retrieving sessions. Even with trying to drain his energy, he still has his fair share of annoying habits that the husband and I have not been able to correct – jumping on guests, whining to no end if he is separated from guests, barking at the door/doorbell, and pulling on his leash whenever we are outdoors. We have tried so many different approaches to correcting this behavior but cannot get our strong willed dog to change.

Now that he baby is here, Winston gets even less attention and exercise. He also wakes the baby up from naps, does not let our guests have a peaceful visit, and has on more than one occasion nearly tipped our baby stroller (with the baby in it) over when we are outdoors. Although most all his habits fall into the annoying bucket, the last example falls into the dangerous.

The husband and I have contemplated trying to find another home for him, but don’t have the heart just yet. We don’t know who would take in a 5 yr old dog with all these habits. Your friend was truly lucky that she found someone who could give her dog what it needed.

This is definitely a controversial issue but one that I can see both sides of.

Mrs. Bee – I had the same problem. Two cats that I’ve had since they were weeks old. They were my family before I got married and became a big part of our lives when we got married. After the birth of our son, I felt so bad because we were neglecting them. They craved attention and between lack of sleep and our time being filled up with our son, we just didn’t have enough in us to give it to them. Consequently, they began acting out… jumping on countertops, going through the trash, stuff they’ve never done before. We finally decided to find them a new home and so happy we did. Theya re now with a lovely older lady who was looking for companionship. We got periodic updates and they are so much happier. They stopped acting out and are the sweetest cats. The first week without them was really sad as my son kept looking for the cats (“cat” was his first word). But now in hindsight, I’m so glad we found them a home.

So I think I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum here. My dogs haven’t lost their place at all. We still take pictures of them, play with them, take them on trips to see grandparents, the whole nine. I think of my boxer as my soulmate in canine form. I love her! And seeing her play and lick my baby girl makes it even better.

would never dream about giving our dog-a shepherd mix, up. she doesn’t get as much attention as before certainly now that we have an 18 month old, who ADORES the dog, and a dog that seems to understand that this little tot is going to be a future big kid that will play with her. My dog has comforted me on many occasions–when my parents passed away, when I was so stressed out from work, and other numerous sad or tough occasions. She protects our home, and I feel safer with her around, Before my daughter was born, i told our dog that a new member is joining our family, but reassured her (like she understood, but hey, maybe she did) that doesn’t mean i love her any less and that she will always have a home with us, we’ll just all have to make a little more room for the baby. every night, i try to tell her the same, after the kid goes to sleep, we hang out with the dog, and let her know she’s loved. can’t imagine not having both the kid and the dog in our life.

We have 2 cats as well, one is 7 and the other 8 (adopted a month before we fell pregnant). It makes me really sad to hear that people do give away their pets once baby arrives. I understand sometimes it’s for the best interest of the dog/cat but remember that they are also a part of us, of our family. They have given me nothing but happiness and joy and how could I repay them by giving them away?

This is something I often worry about. We have 2 dogs and our DD is now 7 so no issues with attention now but we are currently TTC and worry about the future. We love our dogs!