When we first brought Little Jacks home, we planned to house her in the family heirloom bassinet we had received at the baby shower. We diligently put her on her back to sleep in the bassinet time and time again, just like my training as a pediatrician taught me. No matter what we did, she woke up the instant we laid her down. We were rapidly becoming completely sleepless zombies. Armed with all my pediatric knowledge, I did what I recommend against to all my patients’ families. We started co-sleeping.
At first we fooled ourselves into thinking that this would be temporary. When Little Jacks was 4 months old, we even bought a crib and started trying to get her to sleep in it. No luck! Then, we waited until she was old enough to attempt CIO (cry it out for those who don’t know). This little child would cry until she vomited, and never got close to even getting drowsy in the crib. We knew in our hearts that CIO just wouldn’t work for us. To this day, Little Jacks starts to shake if we put her in the crib. You’d think that something awful happened to her in there, yet nothing ever did.
And so, we’ve been co-sleeping. For 20 months. I keep reminding myself that she won’t be sleeping in our bed when she goes off to college and that we should enjoy these moments. Still, I wonder how we are going to handle things when Jack Jack comes home? There is no way that we can have a wiggly 21 month old in the same bed with a newborn, and to be frank, I’d like to adhere to optimal sleep guidelines this time around.
The American Academy of Pediatrics continues to call co-sleeping a controversial topic in their guidelines. They acknowledge that bed-sharing facilitates breast-feeding and enhances bonding, while also noting that certain risk factors can make it hazardous. These risk factors include:
- Smoking
- Multiple bed sharers (this means you Little Jacks!)
- Alcohol or drug impairment
- Excess bedding/pillows
- Co-sleeping on a sofa
Dr. Sears on the other hand counters that done optimally, bed-sharing can actually be a benefit to the mother infant pair. He states:
- Bed-sharing facilitates breast-feeding and bonding
- Maternal and infant sleep patterns synchronize so that they enter light and deep sleep at the same time and that mother is able to put baby back to sleep before the child is fully awake.
- Mothers report less awakenings for themselves.
- Maternal respiratory drive helps regulate infant respiratory drive.
These may be true, but I have to think that they must be done in the optimal setting to maintain low risk for the infant. That means having a firm mattress, with no covers around the baby, non-impaired parents (which includes severe fatigue), and breast-feeding if possible.
We haven’t come up with a great solution (yet) for when Jack Jack comes, but we’re thinking of putting a Pack N’ Play next to the bed for Jack Jack. We continue to work on “Own bed” with Little Jacks.
Are there other co-sleepers in the hive? What did you do when a second baby came? Do you have any better ideas for the Jacks family so that we can have healthy sleep and happy babies?
cherry / 161 posts
We also struggled with infant sleep with DS1, and started co-sleeping. 26 months later, we’re still doing it! DS1 has the coolest toddler train bed set up in our room, and we do try to put him in it, but most nights we all just sleep together.
When DS2 arrived, I made sure to follow all the correct sleeping rules because I wasn’t about to end up housing two adults, a toddler, two small dogs, AND a baby in our bed (it’s a king, but that’s a lot of bodies for one bed!). Now, 3 months in with DS2, I can finally say we have a baby that sleeps in his crib, in his own room! Now we have to work on the toddler….
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i have a friend whose second baby sleeps fine in the crib, but her 4 year old still sleeps in their bed. i think if you put jack jack in a crib from day 1, he should be fine. getting little jacks out of your bed though… that’s another story!
cherry / 190 posts
What about ditching the crib and transitioning her to a toddler bed or big girl bed all of her own? Or even a mattress on the floor in your room?
grapefruit / 4800 posts
Our LO loathed the crib from day 1. We realized she liked to be inclined so she slept in a swing next to our bed for the first 5-6 months. I’d regularly try to get her used to laying in the crib and she hated it. At a few months old she just wasnt old enough for CIO either. When she outgrew her swing we moved her to the crib and even trying CIO it just didnt work. What did work was putting a boppy in the crib and letting her use that as a pillow. She can roll and pull herself to standing so I dont worry as much about something being in the crib. But she still only sleeps part of the night in the crib and then sleeps the next half with us. I think most babies are OK with the crib if you start them early, but ours very much was against it from day 1. The next time around I think I’m just going to start with the crib in our room and skip the bassinet/swing stage so we don’t have to go through transition again and hope they don’t have such an aversion.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
My brother and I both slept in our parents’ bed (we are 18 years apart, so not at the same time – hopefully, right?). I have always had problems falling asleep and self-soothing, which I think stems from sleeping with my mom when I was a baby/toddler/small child. Even today, it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep, while my husband starts snoring less than five minutes after his head hits the pillow.
I don’t believe cosleeping is dangerous (as long as there is common sense involved), but I want to avoid it because I’d like our children to be able to put themselves to sleep. Also, if we ever want to go out without the kids, a babysitter could put them to bed without having to crawl in with them. I think I first realized how strongly I felt about this when I started babysitting for an 18 month old who would point to her crib when she was ready for bed. I’d shut the door of her room and watch on the video monitor as she talked to herself and got comfortable and put herself to sleep. It was amazing!
I know the reality of sleep deprivation can cause people to do things they never thought they’d do, so I’m aware that I might give in and end up cosleeping as well (my husband has already commented that he can see himself giving in), but I hope to be able to stick to my plan.
honeydew / 7968 posts
i’m with the ladies above. you need to make sure jack jacks is in the crib from day 1 so you won’t have to deal with it.
i don’t plan to co-sleep, no matter what! (especially since i have 2 at the same time lol)….but also, cuz i know my hubby would never get any rest and he’d be the one kicked out. good luck getting lil jacks out! =(
maybe once lil jacks comes, you could entice her with a “big girl” bed or something? don’t kids like being the big boy or big girl?
@mrs. tictactoe: hmmm that makes sense. i wonder if my hubby coslept because i konk out quickly and he’s in bed for awhile. but it could also be the amount of stress he deals with every day (most likely it but, i still wonder!)
grapefruit / 4800 posts
I just wanted to chime in again because I’ve really loved when we’ve co-slept, it’s wonderful snuggle time and I love that I got that experience with her and we plan to co-sleep some with #2. We just try to be vigilant about them being able to sleep other places as well so they don’t become dependent on us being there to sleep. I didn’t co-sleep with my parents and I’ve always had trouble falling asleep.
apricot / 453 posts
We co-sleeped off and on the first couple of weeks, but our LO transitioned fine from his bassinet and then eventually to his crib. Sometimes in that first month we would put a heating pad in his bassinet and then remove it a couple of minutes before putting him down so he wouldn’t notice/mind the temp difference from mom’s chest to bassinet. And sometimes/often (gulp!) we would put him on his stomach (we have an AngelCare Monitoring system that helped ease our minds). He is 4 1/2 months now, and sleeps great on his back. Best of luck!
guest
I never planned on co-sleeping either. I can really relate to your story. I was all about having my son sleep in his bassinet and when he was born, but he had other plans for us and refused to sleep anywhere but directly next to me. I never expected to actually like co-sleeping, I always thought it was a temporary situation until my son was ready to move to his crib, but for some reason, it feels like he belongs right next to me. I really do believe there are some wonderful benefits to co-sleeping. It still feels very natural to me, as if my son is right where he belongs. That’s not to say we aren’t trying to convert him to a toddler room / bed, and when he is ready, we will be ready.
I also think that all babies are different, and while one might not have been able to rest without being right near you, the next one might prefer to be more independent. I know someone who has a 3 year-old that still co-sleeps. and a 1 year-old who never co-slept and much preferred to sleep on her own. It seems odd to have a 3 year-old who has never slept a day in his life by himself, and a 1 year-old who has never co-slept in the same family, but it makes sense. The nature of your child will play a big part in the choices you make.
I am 20 weeks pregnant with #2 and am really torn about our situation. I plan on doing the same as I did with my son when this one is born – putting her in the bassinet night after night. If she takes to it – great, if not, great. I’m trying not to stress about the situation as I know we will find a way to make it all work…somehow.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Katm558: You expressed my fear perfectly! The dog, the kids, is Mr. Jacks even in the bed?!
@Mrs. Bee: Yup… whole other story!
@Laneybugsmommy: We don’t use the crib for her any more. We have a mattress on the floor of our room, which she is more than happy to read books in, snuggle on, but never sleep in!
@Maysprout: I think you hit on something. Little Jacks had Milk Soy Protein intolerance and had to sleep inclined for the first several months because of bad pain. She still sleeps on my arm, and I bet part of that is for the incline. Must explore further!
@mrs. tictactoe: We hope so for our situation too (this time)… let’s just say lesson learned!
@theknest: Heating pad is a great idea. I’ll have to try it this time around. Warm the bed with it and then remove it, of course
Let’s hope Jack Jack is a more independent little one… but I am willing to be flexible to meet the needs of our babes!
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
Hopefully if Jack Jack starts out in the crib all will go well with her. As for Little Jacks, what do you do with her for naps, maybe that would work for bedtime, too? Have you tried alternative beds for her like a mattress on the floor or a toddler bed to see if one of those options would make her happier?
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Boogs: We have a mattress on the floor of our room for Little Jacks… which she only likes until it’s bedtime. And she naps in babywearing on Mr. Jacks during the day. We’re screwed when it comes to sleep and Little Jacks, so we’d love to get it right the second time! (Not that I don’t love snuggling LJ!)
pomegranate / 3595 posts
I wish I had a brilliant solution for you but I can only somewhat commiserate: I was also gung ho on the bassinet in our room plan but have had to improvise. We don’t co-sleep but our LO takes all her naps either lying on us or in the moby. She will sleep there at night for some reason so it works for now but I know we need to make a change before I go back to work!
cherry / 114 posts
we were very diligent with the first and he was great at sleeping in the cosleeper and then in his own crib. he’s 2 and half now and still prefers to sleep in his own bed. my little one, however, will only sleep in bed with me. we were exhausted from his excessive wakings and he’d cry and cry and cry when we put him in the crib. hopefully we’ll be able to change that soon.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
@tequiero21: Do you plan on keeping the babies in the same room? If one wakes, the other wakes? Or will you have separate rooms for them? Just curious how people with twins do it!
honeydew / 7968 posts
@chopsuey119: for now, we’re in a 2-bedroom, so will keep them in the same room. i’m thinking i may even put them both in the same crib…..is that crazy?
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
@tequiero21: Not at all! Esp since they don’t move around during the first 3 months or so. I’m sure they’ll feel more secure having their womb bud close by too.
SO cute!! I want twins!
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: You make me feel better about the fact that we use the swing for most naps.
guest
I think it all depends on your little ones personality. My oldest son never slept in our bed at night but had to be held for naps. My twins slept off and on in bed with me as they would wake up. I would fall asleep nursing one and that one would sleep with me until his brother wanted to nurse. They never had issues sleeping in their bassinet and crib it was mostly because I was exhausted and kept falling asleep. And they did share a crib for quite awhile. When we did pit them in two they would fall asleep where the two cribs touched so they could see each othere.
Now my daughter barely tolerates he bassinet. I lay in bed with her until 10 or 11. Then she sleeps until 2 or 3 and then it’s back in bed with me. Parenting is always a guessing game what works for one child might not work for the others. Good luck with all your little jacks
cherry / 207 posts
We rarely co slept with our oldest daughter (32 months old now) but we *had* to co sleep with our twins cos they just kept fussing in their cribs and we were exhausted from climbing in and out of bed to go check on them in their cribs. We have both cribs in our room.
Also, being preemies, they have very bad acid reflux (both on Zantac) and had to sleep on a recline. The only thing that worked was to have them sleep on their boppy pillows on our bed. Yeah, it was a crowded bed! Yes we know all about the risks, our PD is horrified and recommends the Tucker Sling but the boppy works the best and everyone is getting some sleep. We keep a very watchful eye when they are sleeping on the boppy, even checking on them regularly throughout the night. Still everyone got at least some sleep!
Thankfully, they are weaning themselves off the boppy pillow by sliding down till they are flat on the bed. We still lay them on it after feeds. Good news is that Twin B the better sleeper is off the boppy pillow for night time sleep AND in her own crib. We are working on Twin A who has much difficulties falling asleep who still sleeps on the boppy pillow on our bed.
Could you get a bigger mattress and lay down with Baby Jacks together on the mattress until she falls asleep then leave? That’s what we have been doing for our oldest, from 18 months and we are still doing it. It is something we can live with and knows she will wean herself off eventually. She’s actually able to fall asleep without us. There have been several occasions for nap or night time sleep where we have left the room (only 1 parent lies down with her) for some reason or and another and did not return to the room and she did not cry or fuss and just eventually fell asleep!
@tequiero21, both our neonatologist & PD advised against crib sharing so somehow we never tried. But lately, we have laid them together (flat on a queen sized bed) for their naps and noticed that they are disrupting each other’s nap e.g. When one kicks or moves or makes grunts and groans. So you may have to play it by ear :). Good luck with your twins!
persimmon / 1255 posts
LO started out sleeping in the bassinet of the pack n play but then transitioned to co-sleeping after 1 week cause I was still healing and it became too difficult for me to get out of bed to nurse her. We co-sleeped ’til LO was 4 months old when we were able to sleep-train her.
I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with co-sleeping. Here were my personal pros & cons:
Pros:
– Nothing beats cuddling with my LO all night
– Not having to get up to nurse at night
– Not having to worry whether LO is warm enough since she’s right next to me
Cons:
– We have a queen bed and it’s not big enough to comfortably fit me, hubby and baby (especially since I like to give baby a nice space buffer for safety).
– Less cuddling/intimacy with my husband. Our bed was no longer our bed, it was the LO’s bed. We immediately reclaimed some of our couple time once LO was sleeping in her crib, which really helped keep our relationship good.
– Putting LO to bed was a process since she needed rocking, patting, etc to lull her to sleep…..which also means less free time for me to do chores, take a shower, etc.
– Having to be careful not to make any loud noises at night – really tricky when watching an action flick in bed.
– Feeling like I have to be super careful when I sleep and not move around….which made sleep less restful for me.
– Since LO was with me essentially 24 hours a day, I had very little “ME” time and it made me feel like I was on 24-hr mom duty. After she was sleep-trained, I realized that I needed the nighttime baby break, even if it was only for a couple hrs at a time.
So, as you can see, there’s A LOT more cons than pros for me personally but that first pro (cuddling) is REALLY nice and was giving me second thoughts for a long time. We just came back from a vacation where we ending up co-sleeping with the LO and it completely re-affirmed both sets of pros & cons.