There’s an adage in the adoption world that goes something like, “If you want a baby to find its way to your family, there is no better way than to make plans to go on vacation.”
This is absolutely true in our case. We had been holding off on scheduling our yearly Hawaii vacation for as long as possible until we had a better idea of what our waiting time might be. Finally, we made the very conscious decision not to put life on hold and take the full two weeks we wanted in Hawaii.
You can predict the rest of the story.
As soon as we locked in our dates, our baby situation came up. We knew when we asked to be considered for the match that there was a chance that we were going to have to come home from Hawaii early… but decided to take that chance anyway in order to find our baby. I think there is something to be said for letting go and acknowledging that almost nothing in this process is within personal control. Once you embrace that and give it over to whatever forces in the universe that you believe in, there is so much more space in your mind to be open for whatever might come your way.
Of course this creates some logistical challenges. The first is obvious. Babies tend to have their own time schedule. Jack Jack could decide to come at any time in the next few weeks. 39 weeks will be the day after we get home, but that means very little… especially when you are relying on ultrasound dating. To overcome this challenge, we’ve been very open in our communication with our caseworker and she’ll continue to let us know about any changes while we’re in Hawaii. We also bought trip insurance and made sure it would cover us for the birth of a new baby. We feel as prepared as we possibly can be from this perspective!
That brings us to the second issue, though, of nesting. There’s a lot to do to get ready for a new addition to the family. I may not have the physiologic nesting drive this time around, but I definitely need to sort through clothes, prepare the nursery, and organize the house more. Last week I wrote about how it was my last weekend to do all the big projects (which we were mostly successful in completing). That’s because we’ll be in Hawaii for the 2 weeks before the baby arrives, we’ll be essentially cut off from any nesting activities.
On the bright side, adoption can be extremely nerve-wracking in those last couple of weeks, with constant concerns about whether the plan is going to go forward. A birthmother has the right to change her mind until after the baby is born (for differing lengths of time depending on your state). This is good because it enables her to make sure that she is making the right decision for herself and the child. Though it does make for some sleepless nights for potential adoptive parents, it also ensures the most ethical placement possible. It will be very nice to be distracted from some of those anxiety provoking concerns while we are in Hawaii! Also, it will be wonderful to have these couple of weeks to spend one on one with Little Jacks as we prepare her for our new arrival.
We didn’t know this was going to be a babymoon, but we are very pleased to have one.
photos from last year’s Hawaiian vacation!