When Baby H makes his/her arrival, I will be able to spend 12 full weeks at home on maternity leave. I’ve heard stories from friends who describe their maternity leaves as, quite frankly, very lonely. Their husbands receive little-to-no time off of work after the baby is born, so once their families leave, they are home alone for 8+ hours a day navigating the world of newborn babies.
Fortunately, I will have Mr. H with me for my full maternity leave. Because he works for himself and from home, he has the flexibility to tackle this newborn thing with me. My hope is this will help us both (eventually) regain some regular routines – cooking meals, trading off on sleep, exercising, etc., as well as giving us the confidence to take Baby H out on short trips around the neighborhood because we will be able to tackle those trips together. Even simple things like having the freedom to take a shower will be much easier in the early days (I hope) with two of us at home. Yay for teamwork!
But, when my 12 weeks are up, I will be returning to my 9-5 day job. Because of my commute I will really be out of the house from 7:45am -6:00pm, which seems like such a long time to be away from Baby H each day! Fortunately, Mr. H is able to be home with the baby. Yep – he will be a work-at-home dad!
Our plan right now is to hire a nanny for 2-3 days a week. Because Mr. H has photo shoots and client meetings during the week, he will need the flexibility to be out of the house. And, of course, just because he works for himself doesn’t mean he’s not busy – he still has a lot of work that needs to get done each day. During his busy season (which will start right around when the baby is born) he can easily work 70-hour weeks, so having some childcare will be absolutely necessary. With how expensive childcare is in Chicago, we are relieved that we will not need someone 5 days a week.
I think Mr. H will be absolutely fabulous at staying home with the baby. He’s incredibly organized and disciplined, already takes great care of our home (he does the cooking and the cleaning!), and to top it all off, he is much more social than I am and always does a great job of getting to know our neighbors. Which means, of course, that he will probably know all of the neighborhood moms and their kids!
Even though we are fortunate to be in the position to have one parent at home with the baby, I know there will be many days where it will be difficult for me. I’ll miss out on taking Baby H to doctor’s appointments, music class, story hour at the library, etc. I will be rushing in and out of the house during the week to get to/from work and trying to find balance between being at the office and spending quality time with the baby. While I know that probably all working moms grapple with these issues, I think it feels very bittersweet when your spouse is able to be there for everything – it’s great because one of you is spending that quality time with the baby, but it’s hard when you are not the one there day in and day out.
On the flip side, due to Mr. H’s schedule I will be spending a lot of one-on-one time with Baby H on the weekends while he is working. I am hoping to make the most of this time with the baby to do things that are special with just baby and I – finding a class to take together, having play dates, etc.
While our set up might be slightly more nontraditional, having Mr. H at home with the baby is absolutely the best decision for our family. I’m sure there are some men out there who wouldn’t consider being the stay-at-home/work-at-home parent an option for them, but it seems like we are starting to see more and more men staying home and I hope this trend continues! Even though there are milestones and moments I’m going to miss out on by being the one away at the office, I know how special it is that Mr. H and Baby H will be spending so much time together!
Does your family have a work-at-home or stay-at-home dad? If not, is it something you’ve considered as an option?
Hellobee Series: Mrs. Hopscotch part 4 of 12
1. Going Au Naturale by Mrs. Hopscotch2. The Journey to Baby H by Mrs. Hopscotch
3. A Nursery... Pouf! by Mrs. Hopscotch
4. A Work At Home Dad by Mrs. Hopscotch
5. Big Reveal: Baby H's Nursery! by Mrs. Hopscotch
6. A Day with a Newborn by Mrs. Hopscotch
7. Placenta Encapsulation by Mrs. Hopscotch
8. The Nanny Share by Mrs. Hopscotch
9. Reflections on Maternity Leave by Mrs. Hopscotch
10. In the picture by Mrs. Hopscotch
11. I'm in the picture! by Mrs. Hopscotch
12. Sleep at 8 months & How Baby H Started Sleeping Through the Night at 12 Weeks by Mrs. Hopscotch
clementine / 889 posts
DH had three weeks of after DS was born. I took 12 weeks, so I was with DS alone during the days, but it was a lot of fun. I went out – to the mall, for walks, to the park, almost every day. It really wasn’t a big deal to leave the house with DS, and usually we weren’t more than 15 minutes from home.
Anyway DH is a teacher, so he has summers off. He was able to spend those 9 weeks home with DS doing the SAHD thing. He is more of a homebody than I am, so he would be home most days, but he really got a lot of quality bonding time. It gave him the chance to really become a dad without me hovering around. He got so much more confidence and I was able to let go of some of my controlling ways and just let him do his thing with DS.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
I would be so jealous if my husband got to stay home with the baby. I’m not sure I could handle it!
I’m really glad that this situation will work out for you guys, though!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I am so jealous because it sounds like a great plan! Would love to read some WAHD updates from Mr. H along the way!
kiwi / 706 posts
I’ll be in the same situation, with 12 weeks maternity leave and a WAH husband. I feel so lucky that one of us gets to be home with LO, instead of a complete stranger. I will try to work at home one day a week to relieve him of his duties for client meetings, errands, etc.
Can’t wait to hear about Mr. Hopscotch’s experiences and tips as a WAHD!
clementine / 994 posts
We’re in a similar situation, and while we always talked about *me* being the parent who would change my work situation to stay home with the baby, the way it’s looking is that DH will be a WAHD, too. DH’s situation recently changed so that he is now working for himself, and it just made more sense for him to be the work-at-home-parent. We’re months away from welcoming LO, but TBH I’m already slightly jealous, even though I do feel incredibly lucky that we have the option of having a parent at home with baby. I like your idea of making sure to get one-on-one quality time on the weekends, though.
honeydew / 7968 posts
i wish my hubby would take some time off with me lol. he’s saving his vacation to get paid out on it (we’re moving and he’s switching jobs, so he wants to make sure there’s no “gap” in our pay)…. he may take off a few days, but my mom will be with me for about 3 weeks so…
there’s no way he could ever be a stay at home dad – he wouldn’t want that – he expects me to =)…. and what he does, he can never be a work at home dad…. luckily, his job allows me to stay at home. =)
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
I don’t know how you guys do it in the US with those short maternity leaves… Great job piecing it all together in a way that works for you! It just reminds me to be thankful for all the (paid) leave that both mums and dads enjoy here in Sweden…
cherry / 207 posts
DH is a work from home dad and has been a TREMENDOUS help to me with our LOs. However with our twins, tag teaming got harder since there are two babies who needs attention. DH had a hard time working so we got a part time nanny to come in for a few hours 2x a week. I work from home as well and LOs go to/will go to daycare so we both participate in or miss out as much in our LOs milestones.
honeydew / 7504 posts
My husband and I have talked about out and if we decide that one of us should stay home, it will be him. My job is more secure, the hours are steadier…plus, he would love it!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
Your husband and Mr. Jacks should talk!
cherry / 190 posts
My hubby is a stay at home daddy too. In the beginning it was hard for me because she bonded with him much quicker than she bonded with me. Now that shes a little older now (almost 10 months) she definitely prefers me when I’m home. We attribute it to her spending more time with him so she has learned to cherish her time with me. I love that there will always be experiences that they had together when she was very young like library story times and having special daddy daughter moments. I take care of play dates and crafts etc but there are definitely things I think she’ll benefit from learning with him.
blogger / apricot / 366 posts
It’s so great hearing stories of more WAH dads! I am sure Mr. H will have some guests posts after baby arrives.
@Laneybugsmommy: that’s so great to hear! I am (probably irrationally) fearful that he will always be the favorite…I hadn’t thought of it as me being more special because I baby won’t be spending all day every day with me!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Mrs. Hopscotch: Trust me, your baby will love you just as intensely. Sometimes I feel bad for Mr. Jacks because our daughter prefers me whenever I’m around
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
I definitely don’t think Dad will be the favourite just because he is around more. In our experience, it’s been the opposite. Time with Dad is much more exciting and special and he is a definite favourite because he is here less. I am pretty much always with our son and therefore much less of a treat!
apricot / 346 posts
I realize this is a little late, but: My SO is a SAHD, I work ~8-4 (7-5 including commute). I was wondering if you were back at work now, and how you are doing with being away from LO all day? It is so tough being gone all day knowing that I will miss a lot of things being gone for so much of the day, but I am happy he is experiencing it. Our youngest LO is 8 weeks old, I went back to work at 3 weeks.