I’m not a social person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the company of others. I just much prefer to be alone, with my things, in my house, and my family. I have always had a hard time making friends, and it’s entirely my fault; I’m much too picky/shy/withdrawn.
But, once a baby morphs into a human being, that tiny human being requires social interaction, and after a certain age, mom and dad aren’t cutting it anymore. I realized that last month, when I finally met up with a friend at her new house for a play-date with her son, who is a week younger than my daughter. Before I had even sat Sydney on the floor, she was twisting her wrists and ankles – her own unique way that she expresses excitement. She was ecstatic to see another little squishy person her size.
I feel horrible I’ve denied her this for so long! She’d been crawling for two months, she could have been making teeny friends for weeks now, and instead I kept her cooped up here, depriving her of fresh air, and people she doesn’t share DNA with.
I blame this mostly on my shyness and own personal preference for being a loner, and a small percentage on worrying about her having a BPT episode while we are out. With her having an unpredictable neurological syndrome, I almost feel like I want to lock her up like the chick on Tangled (for much more loving and altruistic reasons, of course), to keep her safe.
But, the play date went really well. She enjoyed the social interaction, and so did I; it was nice to get out of the house. Tomorrow, we’re going to duplicate that play date, just on a larger scale: a group play date on base. Proving once again that my insecurity and shyness always gets the better of me, I have asked if I can follow my friend to the meeting spot, so that I don’t have to walk in alone, holding Sydney, and stand awkwardly around while not knowing anyone.
I’m such a goober. They’re just people, for crying out loud! This is not the scene in Carrie when the pig’s blood falls on me; they don’t even know me.
It’s good I’m taking all this on now, so that when Sydney gets to the age where she gets involved in group situations (tumbling, sports, Pre-K, school), interaction with other parents will be inevitable. I will have to go to meetings and get-togethers as part of my role as “Mom’”
Yes, it seems dumb that human interaction is a leap of faith for me, and that I have avoided it (subtly, I believe) in the past, but I’m an introvert.
To recap, tomorrow is another test of my social skills. I know Sydney will have a blast and pass with flying colors, provided she wakes up straight and not tilted (thanks a lot, BPT). Me, on the other hand… well, after I agonize over what to wear, and how to fix my hair, and what I will say and talk to people about… we’ll see how many of my nerves aren’t shot.
Yay for Sydney bringing me out of my shell. I think.