I’m not a social person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the company of others. I just much prefer to be alone, with my things, in my house, and my family. I have always had a hard time making friends, and it’s entirely my fault; I’m much too picky/shy/withdrawn.
But, once a baby morphs into a human being, that tiny human being requires social interaction, and after a certain age, mom and dad aren’t cutting it anymore. I realized that last month, when I finally met up with a friend at her new house for a play-date with her son, who is a week younger than my daughter. Before I had even sat Sydney on the floor, she was twisting her wrists and ankles – her own unique way that she expresses excitement. She was ecstatic to see another little squishy person her size.
I feel horrible I’ve denied her this for so long! She’d been crawling for two months, she could have been making teeny friends for weeks now, and instead I kept her cooped up here, depriving her of fresh air, and people she doesn’t share DNA with.
I blame this mostly on my shyness and own personal preference for being a loner, and a small percentage on worrying about her having a BPT episode while we are out. With her having an unpredictable neurological syndrome, I almost feel like I want to lock her up like the chick on Tangled (for much more loving and altruistic reasons, of course), to keep her safe.
But, the play date went really well. She enjoyed the social interaction, and so did I; it was nice to get out of the house. Tomorrow, we’re going to duplicate that play date, just on a larger scale: a group play date on base. Proving once again that my insecurity and shyness always gets the better of me, I have asked if I can follow my friend to the meeting spot, so that I don’t have to walk in alone, holding Sydney, and stand awkwardly around while not knowing anyone.
I’m such a goober. They’re just people, for crying out loud! This is not the scene in Carrie when the pig’s blood falls on me; they don’t even know me.
It’s good I’m taking all this on now, so that when Sydney gets to the age where she gets involved in group situations (tumbling, sports, Pre-K, school), interaction with other parents will be inevitable. I will have to go to meetings and get-togethers as part of my role as “Mom’”
Yes, it seems dumb that human interaction is a leap of faith for me, and that I have avoided it (subtly, I believe) in the past, but I’m an introvert.
To recap, tomorrow is another test of my social skills. I know Sydney will have a blast and pass with flying colors, provided she wakes up straight and not tilted (thanks a lot, BPT). Me, on the other hand… well, after I agonize over what to wear, and how to fix my hair, and what I will say and talk to people about… we’ll see how many of my nerves aren’t shot.
Yay for Sydney bringing me out of my shell. I think.
kiwi / 642 posts
I really understand! I don’t have a little one yet but I know that this will be one of the harder things for me. Good luck on your group play date! I am sure you have developed your own coping skills over the years but being among the first to arrive helps me tremendously- I can get the lay of the land and people are joining me instead of the other way around. Have fun!
GOLD / pear / 1639 posts
Totally with ya on this one…I am the world’s biggest introvert–ever. Congrats on getting out and…seeing people…and…doing things… *shudder* But fo’ real, good job, momma!!! :D
GOLD / cantaloupe / 5584 posts
i used to be such an extrovert, but feel like i’m becoming less so and it’s so much harder to make friends. thank god i have twins so at least they have each other to have social interactions with haha. i do need to get out though. so scared to venture out alone with the kids.
good luck with the play date!
hostess / wonderful pumpkin / 16515 posts
I totally understand! LO goes to daycare but we never do playdates on the weekends or after daycare. I just signed up for a free class at Gymboree and at a local baby gym….I hope we meet some friends!
cherry / 177 posts
I completely understand. I am not a mother but am such an introvert. I much prefer being alone and having to make small talk irks me – I actually don’t know how to do it. What makes me anxious in this whole being a mom thing is throwing birthday parties. But I know I’ll have to suck it up. I’ve done it before for different situations so I’m pretty sure I can do this for my child :) Good luck with your play date!
coffee bean / 35 posts
Having a baby to socialize has made me get a lot more sociable! It helps to have the incentive of seeing how excited my baby is to see other babies. And one great thing about socializing with a baby is how much material you have for small talk. And how other people with babies almost always want to meet you, too, especially if your babies are similar ages!
GOLD / honeydew / 8436 posts
I’m an introvert as well and prefer staying home and doing things on my own or with the hubby. I’m one that takes awhile to warm up and get social, but once I am, it’s like I don’t even want to leave!
Good luck on your play date and yay for Sydney and you enjoying the social interaction!
GOLD / pomegranate / 3677 posts
Aww, you can do it! If it makes you feel any better, I think most people are too concerned with how they look/come across to others to spend time judging your hair, makeup or clothes. Especially if they’re wrangling children, they’ll be busy! You are your own worst critic.
GOLD / nectarine / 2901 posts
Oh, I feel your pain! Good luck!
blogger / pear / 1594 posts
I totally feel your pain. I hate socializing and I’m perfectly happy in the little cacoon of my house and family. Luckily, DH is much better at social interaction, so I’ll just send him on all the play dates. :)
GOLD / persimmon / 1139 posts
No need to say that this issue “seems dumb.” I am also much more comfortable at home and I really worry about fighting my urges for the sake of my future kids’ socialization and happiness. Good luck with your play date!
blogger / nectarine / 2979 posts
Totally feel you on this. I’ve finally worked up enough nerve to join a mom’s group, but of course they don’t have a new-member meeting for another few weeks. Just long enough to lose my nerve!
apricot / 343 posts
Wow, this is me to a “T”, but at least you’re putting yourself out there! I went to a new parent group for a few weeks and every single time, I felt like I was DYING towards the end because EVERYONE had SOMEONE to talk to, and there I was, sitting alone, pathetically hoping someone would approach me! :( I hated that feeling so much, I decided to not go and apologized to my LO (who is 12 weeks old), saying “Sorry Mommy’s social awkwardness will get in the way of you making friends.” I wish there were a group for introverted and shy moms! Then I’d probably feel a lot more comfortable! :)
GOLD / pear / 1758 posts
I struggle with the same issues! I really hope my LO is an extrovert like her daddy so she doesn’t have the same social anxiety I do!