I used to be a logical person. I’ve always tried hard to make rational decisions based on the facts at hand. I’ve been known to make a few pro/con lists in my day, and I’m quite deliberate when making choices. I prided myself on well-researched, informed actions, and I never made snap judgments. In the last six weeks, that’s all changed.
What is it about motherhood that makes me toss all semblance of logic in the diaper pail? I’m going to blame it on two things: sleep deprivation and my baby’s cries. The intellectual approach is almost impossible when you’re separated from your pillow half the night. I struggle to remember the day of the week, let alone form a coherent thought. When I’m so tired, my only option is to go with my gut and let my emotions make the call.
The other issue impacting my rational thinking is the sound of the Trikester’s cries. A little whimper that escalates to full blown bawling does it to me every time. I can’t stop to think. I’m a woman on a mission, and I. Must. Soothe. The. Baby. I will try anything to stop the crying, and if something doesn’t work almost instantly, I’m on to the next tactic.
Between the sleep deprivation and the primal urge to soothe, I’m probably doing things that aren’t in the best interest of my child. Specifically, I really have no idea what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to keeping the baby happy and healthy because I try a gazillion things all at once and don’t give any one option enough time to truly make a difference.
In addition to a degree in English, I also have a Bachelor’s in Environmental Science and Biology. I’ve spent enough time with the scientific method to know that you can only test one variable at a time or an experiment is invalid. Sadly, I test three or four variables simultaneously because I’m hoping that at least one of them will make a difference.
A prime example? The Trikester’s GI issues. The poor boy has tummy trouble. Instead of trying one thing at a time, I’ve eliminated dairy and soy from my diet, started block nursing, added probiotics to a nightly bottle of expressed milk, and just given him time to mature. He’s doing better, and I see a noticeable difference in his overall happiness. The catch? I have no idea why.
Can I eat a yogurt? How about some tofu? Can I stop buying the $40 bottles of probiotics? No clue! I’ve failed at the scientific method. I wish my approach was more logical, and I could specifically pinpoint what worked and what didn’t, but right now, that’s not happening.
Are you scientific in your approach to solving baby problems?
GOLD / nectarine / 2930 posts
Hey – it works! That’s number one, but I guess if you really wanted to, you could “scientific method” in reverse and remove the changes one by one and see if anything causes it.
blogger / apricot / 488 posts
Love this! I feel like I am always being reactive instead of proactive….even deciding to sleep train, for example, was something we did after one too many miserable nights when we were at the end of our rope. But I guess that is parenting! I didn’t plan to need to sleep train, after all!
nectarine / 2286 posts
I agree with Grace, add things back one at a time and see if any issues arise. It’s hard to do things methodically on little baby who’s upset. Petri dishes are less tearful.
pear / 1525 posts
No method, just do what works for each child to survive!
GOLD / kiwi / 699 posts
This post really strikes a chord with me. I have a Bachelors of Science and at the beginning, when LO passed the sleepy newborn stage and would cry instead of sleep, I was so tired and frazzled, I didn’t know what to do. Then my DH helped me come up with a check list of things to check like, is he hungry? is his diaper clean? is he too hot/cold? etc. This really helped focus me to go through the check list whenever he cried. It also revived my training and I started to keep a log of his sleeping and eating. Now whenever his sleeping or eating changes, I go back to my logs to see what could have affected it and change one variable at a time to try to figure it out. It helps keep me focused, otherwise, I would probably get frazzled and not know what to do.
blogger / pear / 1610 posts
@NerdBee: Wow!! I’m impressed. You are sooo scientific. I strive to be just like you. :)
@Maysprout: Haha about the petri dishes!! Very true!
GOLD / kiwi / 699 posts
@Mrs. Tricycle: haha! Thanks, but it doesn’t always work since its not always one variable that causes the problem. It’s a lot of trial and error. I think being scientific about it helps me mentally more than anything. I know all too well the primal urge to comfort and I do end up giving into it sometimes. :)
blogger / persimmon / 1214 posts
Pssh, science, whatevs! You just have to do what works and why on earth would you want to give each thing several weeks to try out when you can do it all at once and bam, better in a few days? Mothering is an art, not a science afterall.
I can, however, say that yes you can positively stop spending $40 on probiotics. Whole Foods has a fridge case in the vitamin section and they have infant-specific powdered probiotic that lasts for months and costs less than $20. It works really well too. (I really hope you have a WF near you!)
ETA: I totally thought this was going to be a post about failing at scientifically trying to avoid pregnancy!
blogger / pear / 1610 posts
@Mrs. Stroller: Oh god! The horror! I don’t want to even think about another pregnancy! :) Sadly, no WFs within three hours. Upstate NY needs to get it’s butt in gear. Wegman’s probably has them, too. I’m just being picky about the brand I use – wanted the strain that’s been most researched (so maybe my choice was a little scientific after all).
blogger / persimmon / 1214 posts
@Mrs. Tricycle: haha yes, well you can be scientific sometimes… The brand is called Udo’s Choice (I think, I just threw the bottle out this AM and need to get more, I’ll pick through the recycling if you’d like me to though) you may be able to find it online. I liked it so much more than the Bio Gia (sp?) that I used originally and paid $40/month for. Don’t tell Mr. S about that one ;)
GOLD / pear / 1688 posts
I remember when my son was born how I would often try the same thing. Of course, my ‘primal urge to soothe’, as you put it, made it impossible to deal with his crying. And often times when I couldn’t get him to stop crying, I would often end up crying myself – which just made matters worse. I would try anything and everything to make him happy and I remember – more than once – snapping at my DH because he was trying to tell me to just give the baby a moment and let him cry it out. Or worse, let him take over and hold him for a moment.
My mentality was, I’m the mother, I should -know- how to help my son. Irrational sleep deprived logic right there. Hopefully, having been through the experience once, this next one (due in March) will be a little easier? Fingers crossed.
guest
As a engineer, I also struggled to approach issues my infant daughter was struggling with in a scientific manner! I also did the try-everything-at-once and see if it helps approach. I did not have the time (weeks!) to do that sort of experiment, can you imagine all the variables to deal with!?! Not to mention time, as the biggest factor over which I have no control.
One thing that helped me was an iPhone app to track data about my daughter. I used Total Baby. I logged each diaper, feeding, sleep, dose of probiotics, doc appointments, growth, medications, etc. It was easy to use and was a great reference when I wondered – did she sleep enough? when did she last eat? is she growing normally?
Best of luck to you!
blogger / pear / 1824 posts
I would say that as long as your experiments didn’t conflict with each other then what you did was the most efficient thing to make your baby happy. So that’s still totally logical, you just had to prioritize speed over clarity. Which really, just means you’re an awesome mom!
nectarine / 2262 posts
Another scientist here who tried way too hard at applying the scientific method to motherhood. All I can say is, I drove myself crazy at the beginning, and once I took a step back and started just listening to my gut (and to what my daughter was *trying* to tell me) things got better quickly. I’m now convinced that the scientific method doesn’t have much to do with caring for a newborn.
blogger / pear / 1610 posts
@Mrs. Stroller: ok, that’s the $40 probiotic I’m using. Annoyed because they keep shipping it w/o an ice pack. Why do you like “yours” better than the BioGaia? I can be talked into a switch!
blogger / persimmon / 1214 posts
@Mrs. Tricycle: Absolutely. It was recommended by my hospital’s LC who has run a support group for years. We have to have over a thousand members and when I went looking for a suggestion after not being all that impressed with bio Gaia that’s the one everyone swore by. M had reflux when he was little and I definitely think it helped. Now I still give it every day because it noticeably keeps him “regular”. I stopped for a few weeks when I ran out and definitely saw a difference. I’m a fan.
pea / 5 posts
Our little man has been having some tummy troubles, too. What made you turn to probiotics?
coffee bean / 45 posts
It seems like my LO has the same issues like your LO. At one month old, my son was farting up a storm and I could clearly see that he was in pain. I gave him simethicone every two hours and consulted his pediatrician. She said to ease up on it- give it to him every 4 to 6 hours instead as some studies showed simethacone wasn’t very effective in infants. My sister, who is a pharmacist recommended Biogaia probiotic drops. It’s very expensive ($29.99+tax at Walgreens) and the 5ml bottle lasts about 25 days. LO started getting better so I stopped giving him simethacone. About a week ago, we ran out of Biogaia drops so I thought I would check and see how my LO did without it. He started having GI issues again so we’re giving him the drops again and he’s doing better.
blogger / pear / 1610 posts
@Mrs. Stroller: okay!! Bought the 1/2 price Udo’s choice today!! Thanks for the recommendation!
blogger / olive / 98 posts
ohhhh i think all new moms can relate. well, let me speak for myself…i can relate!!! the early days both the sleep deprivation and the PRIMAL urge to soothe are at their most intense (you nailed it with that description, by the way). i will say, it gets easier and less extreme. baby’s crying won’t make you physically hurt or elbow your partner out of the way to get to the baby (i’ve done this, not a proud moment). your rational scientific self will come back!
blogger / pear / 1610 posts
@MamaC: A crying baby and a late night Googling session. The one I ended up buying was BioGaia, and research on it suggested that it could reduce crying time/colic by some massive amount.
pea / 5 posts
@Mrs. Tricycle: Haha – sounds like my parenting of choice! When in doubt, to the Google!! We have our 2-month shots Tuesday and I’m a nervous wreck! I’m going to ask about probiotics for our little guy, too. Thanks!