Hellobee

Both of these topics make me have guilt when they come up with my 2 other IRL New Mom Friends. I LOVED my delivery- most amazing experience of my life and I am so glad I got to experience it! But it was super easy- and no one really wants to hear that when they’re recovering from a Csection (both had Csections)…And LO started STTN at 8 weeks (although she gave us a run for our money before then!), and no one wants to hear that either when their eyes are crossed from lack of sleep…So I struggle with this and I feel myself downplaying both topics to shield my friends from it, bc I’m sure it’s pretty annoying! It would be to me anyway if our roles were reversed!

Birth itself isn’t something that I really talk to anyone about. I do sometimes feel guilty talking about my daughter’s milestones as she seems to be doing things faster than some of my other friends with babies the same age. It’s hard and I try to make sure I tell my mom friends how strong their babies look or how great they’re doing at this or that. All babies have their “thing.” Ours is crawling and pulling up at 8 months. She is also not even close to sleeping through the night. All babies have their “thing.” I try to remember that when talking about (not comparing) my daughter and my friends’ kids.

I was talking to DH about this last night. Two of our friend couples have infants similar in age to DD. unfortunately one is experiencing failure to thrive and the other (twins) are so frazzled and sleep deprived that they are talking about divorce. DH, bless his heart, offers them advice based on our super healthy great sleeping baby and I just see their eyes roll. I know he means well and wants them to feel the bliss that we have been lucky to have, but he doesn’t quite grasp that our situation is a rarity and hearing about it doesn’t always make other people feel good.

I know what you mean. My birth experience was a lot easier than others, and it was different than what we’d planned, but in a good way. I was up and moving around about 2 hours after. I was completely mobile, sitting on the floor, etc by 4 days after. LO is a very good baby. I think I just remind myself that what we have is different than what others have and to not brag or sound like I’m trying to brag.

I try not to talk about touch subjects like these and when I’m asked about sleep and milestones, I give fairly vague answers (like, “oh, he’s doing well!”). If I’m asked to elaborate I will, but I’m very careful to not sound too braggy.

I’ve met moms who have walked into a room announcing that their LO slept 13 hours straight the night before or talked about how exhausted they are because their LO STTN at 3 weeks and started waking once at night at 4 months. *That* is what I make a conscious effort not to do!

@oliviaoblivia: Oh man, I feel awful for the parents of the twins. I kind of get it since those early days with a newborn are really, really tough, but that makes me sad.

My thing is that my baby is a really good sleeper, so I try to not be annoying/braggy when people ask. As far as my labor, it was fairly easy, but my pregnancy was not easy and my recovery was awful. So I guess I tend to think that these things even out in the end, you know?

I try to put stuff out there in the context of, “this child is an individual who’s journey I respect… Just as other children are on their own journeys”.

I hope nobody sees my Lala stories as bragging. I just think it’s so neat to have an articulate 2.5 year old window on the world. Her best friend walked at 9 months. Both babies are amazing in their own ways. They both have their own challenges too… and I’m not shy about sharing our sleep challenges. They are a part of our authentic reality!

So what I am saying is, share your birth story in a way that honors your experience and share your sleep troubles in that way too. No matter how you share them, people will have their own reaction because they’ll see it through their own lens… and its all good!

I like hearing when other babies are doing well or meeting certain milestones, because it means that my LO may start that soon too. Like, the fact that it’s *possible* he *could* start sitting on his own now is exciting even though he’s not doing it yet.

I agree with @mediagirl that “All babies have their ‘thing.’” My baby wouldn’t breastfeed no matter how hard we tried, but other than that he’s a happy dream baby who STTN and only cries if he’s hungry or tired. My friend’s LO is a breastfeeding champ and it kind of stings that mine wasn’t, but her LO is also super fussy, doesn’t STTN and has bad reflux. I wouldn’t trade places!

If I’m talking to friends about LO’s schedule/habits, I’ll tell the truth but also mention that I know things can change in an instant and that we may be in a world of hurt once teething starts, or that future LO#2 will probably be a really difficult baby since we’ve been so lucky with #1. I’m genuinely happy for friends when things are going well, and I like to think the feeling is mutual.

Haha, “I have a good baby” might make me stab someone’s eyes out if they were contrasting that child with mine. But it’s easy to offend unintentionally and I know I need to be less sensitive.

@Mrs. Jacks: I am always fascinated by your LaLa stories! I never see it as bragging!

@PrincessBaby: that’s good to know. I feel it’s so fascinating to hear what she’s thinking.

@oliviaoblivia: I hope your friends to the twins work it out. @meredithNYC: I completely agree. Our birth story is up on HB today and though Baby Popcorn came uncomprehensively quick, her mommy paid for it with the delivery of the after birth. I know someone else who had trouble getting pregnant and has a baby who it seems never cries and is always looking around with a smile. I do believe you get what you can handle which just means we are all warriors whenever we are faced with something that could be considered hard. For me, I guess the idea is not too compare, to be honest about the good and ugly, and also read each situation to know if you should tread lightly when sharing the positive stuff.

My birth story was different than I expected, but perfect in every way. 34 hours of perfect. I’d gladly drop at least 20 of those hours though! When Little M was wee I didn’t tell anyone how much he slept at night. I kept it secret for a really long time because I didn’t want others to feel bad, or compare their baby to him. I wish people would give the same courtesy when they make comments like “he’s not walking YET?!” I’m just really not big into comparing unique individuals!