I have to tell you — the first time I ever heard of an adoptive mother taking the required hormones to induce lactation, I was a little grossed out. I have no problem with breastfeeding, and honestly, I feel a little guilty that I’m not able to.
I am able to breastfeed, if I take the hormones. But after three years of fertility treatments, I don’t want to take one more hormone for the rest of my life. It may be selfish of me, but I need a break from all the medicine. Mentally and physically. Also, I’ve seen Mrs. Jacks say that often birth mothers are uncomfortable with the adoptive mom breastfeeding. I can see her point in this, and it helped strengthen my argument to not do it (but my own personal feeling was really a strong enough argument).
I had coffee with my friend Amber who is a doula a few months ago, and she suggested looking into donated breast milk for Isaiah. My first reaction was similar to my induced lactation response. But then I started to think about it, and I don’t really know why, but this didn’t bother me. It may have something to do with the milk being in a bottle, and not coming directly from the breast. This is the best conclusion I can come up with. So I brought it up to Mr. Polish, and he was less than enthused. He was leery of it, and I finally dropped it.
I decided to strictly formula feed, because lots of babies (me and the Mr. included) were exclusively formula fed, and we’ve turned out fine. There is nothing wrong with formula, but it is expensive.
I really never said anything else about it because I had moved on. But our friend’s wife had an enormous supply and their last child is almost done with breastfeeding. We know this couple well, and we trust them. She is an excellent mother and we actually say often that we hope that we parent like they do. They were more than willing to help us out, and Mr. Polish arranged everything on his own! Two days before Isaiah was born, they stocked us up. I even had to get rid of the turkey we had in the freezer. Serious stuff, because food does not go to waste in this house (it still didn’t. I gave it to my grandmother who will use every bit of that turkey, including the bits you didn’t know it had).
The extremely generous supply that we received.
To be honest, I don’t know how long a supply like this lasts. I’ve read lots about how much and often newborns eat, but I’ve never actually experienced it, and I don’t really know how much is here. We’re still going to use formula, but this will provide Isaiah with the added boost we really wanted him to have. This makes us feel so much better about his nutrition, and the quality of nourishment we’re providing.
While we’re discussing donated milk, I want to address what I’ve heard about it. This is a controversial thing. People are weirded out by it. Heck, I was. What bothers me the most though, is that you are able to buy and sell breast milk on Craigslist. This I absolutely do not recommend. We feel confident giving Isaiah the breast milk because we know the source and we trust her. If you are planning to use donated milk, please take the necessary precautions to protect your child. Because honestly, nothing is more important.
GOLD / nectarine / 2249 posts
What a fantastic gift!
When DS was diagnosed with FPIES, I had a sizable freezer stash built up (over 1,100 oz) and I was told we could not use the milk for him. I was heartbroken and the thought of tossing all my milk down the drain made me ill. I began looking for a donor and everyone I asked a series of questions. I ended up feeling most comfortable giving my milk to a family that was adopting a child and was not able to induce lactation. They had a similar parenting style to us and were local. I’m so glad I was able to give them this gift even if it was hard to let go and in the process we have become friends!
GOLD / nectarine / 2666 posts
That is a wonderful gift from your friend! I would totally give my excess frozen milk to someone in your situation if they wanted it (I am not a milk bank candidate because I take reflux medication that is totally lactation safe, but they still don’t allow medication for donor milk here)
hostess / papaya / 11671 posts
What an amazing gift from your friend. Your son is so lucky. :)
admin / honeydew / 8498 posts
i am thinking about donating my frozen stash because Olive won’t drink it, and at 17 months and still breastfeeding I don’t think she really needs it.
i would stretch out the breastmilk as long as I could by giving two bottles a day!
GOLD / persimmon / 1022 posts
this is so awesome!
I am with @Mrs. Bee two bottles day to make it last!
blogger / kiwi / 563 posts
@Mrs. Bee: we’re lucky enough that what they brought is only a portion of what they have for us. We’re exclusively feeding breast milk for now and when we exhaust everything we’ll switch to formula.
admin / honeydew / 8498 posts
@Mrs. Polish: the only reason i say two bottles a day is because my pediatrician said that 2 feedings a day will get you almost all the benefits. maybe right now since he’s a newborn it is best to give him as much breastmilk as possible. but if you really do have a lot (and you’ll go through it so much faster than you think), i would stretch it out so that the benefits are stretched out to at least 6 weeks?
blogger / kiwi / 563 posts
@Mrs. Bee: oh thank you! That is good to know. I’ll keep that in mind as I watch our supply.
blogger / apricot / 488 posts
What a beautiful thing!
blogger / clementine / 940 posts
I’ve read that exclusive breastmilk for as long as possible is best, so if you have access to more, try to remain exclusive as long as you can.
I understand your feelings, but there really is nothing gross about feeding a baby from a breast. It isn’t at all sexual or weird, even if it is not your biological child. Again, I completely understand why you have chosen not to yourself.
blogger / kiwi / 563 posts
@mrs. tictactoe: I hope I didn’t sound insensitive to breast feeding moms. I don’t think it’s gross for other adoptive moms to do it if they want to. It’s just me. I don’t feel comfortable doing it myself.
blogger / clementine / 940 posts
@Mrs. Polish: I totally get it! I just think there’s a lot of people who see BFing as sexual or unsanitary and it really isn’t. So glad your friend was able to give you such an incredible gift!!
GOLD / cantaloupe / 5623 posts
Glad things worked out for you! I wish I had enough to donate but alas, my supply has gone down and at this second, not only do I not have a frozen stash, I don’t have any in the fridge….
kiwi / 656 posts
This is so wonderful! It seems so great of your friends and that baby Isaiah will be able to have the benefits of breastmilk (not that formula is bad either). Thanks for sharing!
coffee bean / 48 posts
Check to see if there is a milk banks in your area.
There’s a pasteurization process the milk goes through after donors are screened and tested.
https://www.hmbana.org/?mode=processing
blogger / cantaloupe / 6389 posts
How great. By doing the 2 bottles a day strategy, we were able to provide our little one with nearly 6 months of breast milk. She has only had 1 ear infection (same as her ebf sister!)
blogger / kiwi / 563 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: That is wonderful to hear! I’m so glad we’re able to do this.
GOLD / grapefruit / 4907 posts
Wow! What a wonderful gift!