I am an extremely organized person. I like making lists, cleaning out drawers, sorting items and finding a place for everything. I keep detailed calendars. Clutter stresses me out. But for the first four months of my pregnancy, I didn’t want to do anything to prepare for our baby except read.
Books, blogs, research studies—I couldn’t get enough. Reading calmed me. It’s true that too much reading can cause information overload or, my favorite expression and one that I’m quite familiar with, “analysis paralysis.” Sometimes you have to just put down the book and make a decision.
I know that. But at the same time, I can’t imagine not soaking up everything there is to know about one of the biggest challenges I’ll ever take on.
A friend once proudly told me that she and her husband didn’t read any books during her pregnancy. My initial (internal) reaction was, “Well, seems like you were pretty unprepared.” Today, her children are happy, well-adjusted, sleep-through-the-nighters and no worse for wear. Still, I can’t help but think that she may have made life a little bit harder for herself.
Admittedly, the “how-to” books (or instruction manuals, as my husband calls them) can be intimidating, although that hasn’t stopped me from reading them. But I’ve also enjoyed as much, if not more, the books that don’t give step-by-step instructions as much as the author’s unique perspective on this amazing process. Here are a few non-manuals that I loved:
From Conception To Birth: A Life Unfolds, by Alexander Tsiaras: For those who wish for weekly ultrasounds like I do, this beautiful book gives you a peek at what baby looks like, from conception to birth. Using medical technology and imaging, the author provides beautiful, life-like images alongside poetic descriptions about the miracle taking place.
Bringing Up Bébé, by Pamela Druckerman: This book received as much criticism as it did praise, but I found it eye-opening, not offensive. No, I didn’t agree with every method of French parenting, but I did find it a nice alternative to other books for two reasons. 1. The French style is so different from American parenting, that it’s nice to think I could incorporate parts of what “works” in France with what “works” in America (especially the sleep method—I look forward to initiating “La Pause.”) And 2. It is written as a narrative, or memoir, with research and advice wrapped in, which is a welcome break from the how-to guides.
Belly Laughs, by Jenny McCarthy: I had been avoiding this book for the sole reason that it’s written by Jenny McCarthy. I’m sure she’s a great mom, but to me she’ll always be the host of MTV’s Singled Out. So when yet another friend told me to read it, I finally caved. Turns out, it’s an honest, hilarious, at times touching, view of pregnancy. I wouldn’t recommend reading it for actual advice or insight into important birth and parenting decisions, but rather as a light-hearted, “chat with your girlfriend,” break from the heavier stuff.
I’m always looking for recommendations! Which pregnancy books did you enjoy?
apricot / 444 posts
I guess I am a bit like your friend. I haven’t read any books and don’t really plan to.
Actually, that’s not strictly true. I have a hypnobirthing book which I will probably read.
Personally I find it grating that pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing has turned into one giant “Project for Mom”.
The experience is now littered with masses of research and defined types of parenting. When in reality moherhood is the worlds oldest vocation. I don’t know, it just bothers me.
Sometimes I wonder if we have massively over complicated things and made a rod for our own backs.
I feel like *my* baby will not come with a manual, nor can anyone write one for him or her. We will just have to learn how to get on together.
I genuinely think when your first baby arrives we are all in the same boat. Books, or no books.
admin / papaya / 11203 posts
Both approaches (reading books and going by the flow) are totally valid!
I learned soooo much from baby books! I personally really loved reading them. I’ve noticed that with my friends who don’t read books, when they hit a spot they usually ask a book reader for advice (or post to the internet). So in the end, somebody is usually reading a book! It’s really mostly about personal preference.
pea / 15 posts
I LOVED Bringing Up Bebe. I think it’s an important read, actually. I think sometimes us “americans” tend to overthink and complicate nearly everything! When it comes to getting baby peep to sleep, I’m definitely adopting the Parisian method. As well as introducing new foods and flavors early! I only wish we had “Creches” here.
guest
Definitely – I read more than 30 different baby and family books while I was pregnant – I couldn’t get enough, as I knew nothing about babies at that time! Of all the books I read, this one was by far the best on newborns (for someone who the first baby she ever held was her own son on the day of his birth!): http://www.amazon.com/Heading-Home-Your-Newborn-Reality/dp/1581101570. Also, loved this one: http://www.amazon.com/Have-Your-Second-Child-First/dp/B005X4AL6G/?qid=1326212407&ref=sr_1_1&ie=UTF8&sr=8-1 for tips on how to have your second child first. Really took the edge off in worrying about all those “little” things you just don’t give a hoot about when the second one comes along! Thank you for this post! I think reading books on pregnancy, newborns and families are such a healthy way to “nest” for a new baby. Certainly helped for me!
apricot / 444 posts
@mrbee: Yes you touched on a good point there. I would probably ask people either virtually or those or know if I felt I needed help.
It saddens me that so much of parenting is very isolated. Birthing and parenting did used to be experiences profoundly shared by a community. Now it seems very private and isolated. Online communities in a way bridge that gap.
They provide the anonymity people crave, while allowing them to have shared experiences.. It an interesting phenomenon. Most of us don’t announce our pregnancies until we are past 12 weeks, yet we probably told an online community before our baby daddies!
GOLD / pear / 1860 posts
I think there is a good balance to be found. In my opinion, one or two books is sufficient to feel armed with what you generally need to know and then you can just sit back and enjoy the pregnancy because life will never be the same again.
I looooved Bringing Up Bébé, possibly the fact that it is written as a memoir rather than a self-help book played a huge role in my enjoyment of it.
I am really enjoying parenthood so far. It is hard, but I would ratehr just get bits and pieces of info here and there and be generally evrsed in how things should go than overload myself with reams of info that might not appy to my kiddo.
blogger / kiwi / 729 posts
I too am a total parenting book worm. I just wish I had read less about pregnancy and birth and more about actual parenting when I was pregnant and actually had time to relax and read.
Loved Bringing Up Bebe (Mr. Confetti even read it too), didn’t really like Belly Laughs (given to me by a friend, but I think I’m biased against her from all the crazy autism = vaccines nonsense).
blogger / persimmon / 1234 posts
For me, knowledge is power. I read the Mayo Clinic book for weekly updates and was content with that for pregnancy.
Around the 20 week mark I started to read Ina Mae Gaskin’s child birth book so that I could be prepared for all the what-ifs of labor and to know generally what happened during labor.
Then I moved on to breastfeeding, since I knew that it’s a challenge in the beginning for most women. I read Ina Mae’s breastfeeding book since I liked the style of her childbirth book.
After I was done with breastfeeding I moved to infant care and sleep. I read Happiest Baby on the Block (but the DVD was faster and had all the info I needed), and Moms on Call 0-6 months. I also had Healthy Sleep, Happy Child and read bits and pieces as that book is a total soporific.
I’d read a blog post when I was pregnant re: someone wishing they’d read more about infant care, sleep and raising kids when they were pregnant and had time, so around the 34w mark I tried to take that advice to heart and switch my focus from childbirth to the months and years to follow.
blogger / pea / 19 posts
@bridget forney thanks for the recs! just bought those two on amazon! Heading Home With Your Newborn was actually recommended by our pediatrician as well.
@mrs. confetti and @mrs. stoller yes, i think at 35 weeks it’s time for me to move from pregnancy to parenting books!
@mrs. peep would love to know how the french sleep method is going!
blogger / kiwi / 698 posts
I tried reading, because I love reading, but found that once I got into reading baby books I got panicky about everything. I worried about things I really didn’t need to worry about. I’m also one of those people who has to stop watching the news from time to time because it makes me anxious.
I see nothing wrong with reading all the books in the world or not reading any at all. I gave all of my books to our doula and asked her to pass them on to one of her clients who would use them.
It just isn’t for everyone.
GOLD / grapefruit / 4008 posts
We have Baby 411 and it has been so helpful these past 2 weeks with a newborn! I get most of my info online, not from books (it’s so hard for me to sit down and read non-fiction) but I have had a hard time making online time lately and it’s nice to have a basic guide for things at my fingertips.
GOLD / persimmon / 1104 posts
I LOVED Bringing up Bebe!
@mrbee: As a dad/father to be, what did you read? I’m looking for a book for DH.
guest
We loved Baby 411 (and now love Toddler 411). I give it to everyone I know who has a baby. It is a wonderful little handbook to have around.
pea / 10 posts
Baby 411 and Happiest Baby on the Block!
olive / 73 posts
They are more parenting books than pregnancy books, but my husband and I both really enjoyed The Baby Owner’s Manual and Show Daddy How. The Baby Owner’s Manual is written like an instruction manual for a piece of technology (it gets pretty humorous while still providing valuable information), and Show Daddy How is an illustrated guide aimed at men. They are great as another way to read the same information presented in the other guidebooks.
I’m currently reading What to Expect the First Year. Also very informative, and great to go back to as milestones are reached/situations come up.
guest
I tend to agree with others that either approach – reading many books or no (or few) books – is fine and choose not to judge others for it.