Hellobee

hugs mama! it is def just a phase! adjusting to motherhood and taking care of an itty bitty adorable baby boy is definitely an adjustment for women. it gets easier!! and the blues will fade! i’m glad you found the resources you were looking for, can’t believe he’s already 3 weeks old!

Oh, Mama. Hang in there! I don’t know what to say here. My initial reaction was “you have different priorities now” but I don’t want to seem like I was belittling your concern. And I’m not because PAD is serious, serious stuff. And not as known as it should be. I’ve seen several friends go through it and it’s a pretty nasty thing. I’d say this sounds like a phase. (Your life has just turned upside down, even if it’s a good upside down) I’d say that if it progresses to where you can’t function, or if you have ill-will or dislike towards your child… then seek help. Pronto. A lot of the items the website listed can also be attributed to a new schedule, sleep deprivation, and a myriad of other things. Let me know if you want to chat more. While I haven’t experienced this, I’ve seen it in action. I’m more than happy to be a sounding board.

(Please note, I’m not saying that you would DO anything bad to him, just when you have “dark” thoughts)

Last piece of unsolicited advice. Is it possible to get out for daily walks weather-wise? I strapped S onto my with the beco and walked the neighborhood every. single. day. when we first came home in order to “keep my sanity” Some days I did it in my PJ pants, but it was worth the raised eyebrows to get the sunshine and fresh air.

I can’t speak specifically about adoption, but that first month is just sooo hard. I can’t imagine feeling “good” during any part of it – with or without postpartum hormones. If you’re struggling, I wouldn’t hesitate to call your Dr. I don’t **think** you’re nursing, so if an Rx would help, even short term, why not give it a go?

I second @Mrs. Paintbrush – go for a walk w the baby!! It’s great “medicine” as you learn to cope with your new life.

Hugs! I agree with others that the first month is very, very hard. Hormones or not, you are going through a lot of changes and they are not all pleasant ones! I found the first 6 weeks really difficult and definitely had baby blues…if not PPD.

For me, what was critical was getting out of the house, even if for a walk. It is difficult and there is a lot of wrangling involved, but I found when I stayed home all day, I just felt trapped and sad.

I think caring for a newborn can be so exhausting and draining and sleep depriving that i cantotally relate to how you feel. Especially right at the beginning i felt it was hard because there wasnt much reciprocity from the baby. I think walks are a great idea, as is finding little bits of time to be by yourself or focus on you. For me, it was taking a shower with fun showeer gel that helped me feel saner, even if i then put my yoga pants back on and threw my hair ina ponytail.

On a therapeutic note, i think typically symptoms need to persist for a certain time period (with regular depression it is 2 weeks) and there needs to be a significant effect on your ability to fuction. It is hard to tell how much of it is the newborn stage, but if you feel like itis ongoing, then talking to your doc cant hurt!

Good luck and hugs!

I think this happens to all new parents to some extent. Perhaps the birth process actually makes this easier in some ways. I felt ZERO pressure to leave the house with a baby for the first few weeks (ok, months actually) because I was physically recovering and establishing nursing. And of course no exercise for six weeks minimum. I can see how an adoptive parent could feel pressure to “get on with things” because the physical recovery is not necessary. Still, caring for a newborn is HARD AND TIME-CONSUMING and it took months before I learned the routine for getting him out of the house quickly, plus he would only tolerate the carseat/stroller while asleep until around 5 months. So it was hard to run errands or make pleasure trips with him in tow. I usually did them at night and left him with DH.

How is his sleep?

Honestly, things didn’t get easier for us until the six month point. We had a brief interlude of easy from months 2-3 because he was sleeping 6 hr stretches. But once his sleep regression started, things felt really difficult until 6.5 months when his sleep got better. I felt like a failure a lot trying to get his sleep in order.

But I think this is normal and all a part of God’s providence. It is like a chicken-egg thing. Do we bond with baby because they-are so needy? Or are babies designed to be so time-intensive because it helps solidify the bond? Like Mrs. Paintbrush says, your priorities change in a matter of moments….sometimes it feels like a slap in the face though!

I would definitely suggest finding other new momma’s it was so helpful to me to be able to talk about how we were all feeling. Someone in the group was always going throught the same thing. I met people through La Leche, then started a playgroup and different people would come. Our kids are two now and we still have play dates. And most of all, it does get better. The first year is soo hard.

Just wanted to give my support as well. I struggled with PPD and it was a rough two months for me. My advice is to talk about it with people. I ended up calling one of my best childhood friends who has two children just to ask her how she coped and I also called the wife of one of DH’s best friends (none of my good friends in New York have children) whose baby is 5 months older than my LO. Both were so supportive and wonderful and REAL about things, which helped. They got it and their encouragement and advice was so very valuable in the moment.

The other things that worked for me were getting out of the house whenever I could and having (supportive, understanding) visitors. I hated being alone and dreaded having to take care of LO without any help. An hour or two with a friend often made a massive difference to my emotional well-being.

Hang in there! It does get better and I swear it’s true. My magic number was 2 months, and yours may be different – but, it WILL get better. My LO is 10 months old now and I can’t believe how much we have grown together.

I suffered from ppd and for the first two months I kept telling myself that it would go away. I was in tears all the time, I would panic when my husband left for work in the morning, and I didn’t feel like I loved my baby as much as mothers. Finally I saw a councillor and my Dr. about it. With their help and professional advice I was able to get through the ppd. I guess what I am saying is if you feel unsure go see a professional rather than trying to diagnose yourself.

As part of the adoption process with my agency we had to take classes and I even talked to other parents that adopted via the same agency, and the classes and the parents (especially the Moms) did talk about post adoption depression. It is real, I experienced it. I think just as with postpartum depression some will experience and at varying degrees while others will not.

With my oldest who was adopted I felt it a bit because wham after a whirlwind Sep-Nov all of a sudden I was with this amazing young man that was 17 months old and home alone. I felt I had no idea what I was doing, yes I wanted him more than anything but now I need to bond with him and him with me. And at the same time I was mourning my child free life, because from that moment that he was with us 24/7 my life, our life was different. I certainly miss the child free life, but there is no way I would go back to it, much like I miss my teenage years mostly for the nostalgia but I would never want to repeat it. I needed to come to terms that it was ok to miss that life even if I didn’t want it back, and that didn’t make me a bad person or mom.

I won’t speak to the hormones specifically because at the time I was pregnant. But emotionally there is a lot going on post adoption.

I did have similar but not the same issues after the birth of my youngest. One of the similar things was that I had a period of mourning my previous but brief time having only one child. Having both of them is amazing but a very different experience and I had to drastically change things to make my life sane and make the house run smoothly.

So after all of that, yes it is a phase but I don’t want to dismiss your concerns. It will pass or should pass but you need to make sure you take care of yourself. Take walks outside, talk to people get support etc.

I think even husbands can get the Baby Blues, so don’t discount what you’re feeling just because you physically didn’t carry the baby. I definitely had a period of baby blues after my son was born just over a year ago. I was terrified when my husband went back to work after a couple weeks that I wouldn’t be able to take care of a baby by myself.

I found the most helpful thing for me was to make goals for myself – week by week. They were always simple things – week one was just to take a shower every day. Week two was to get out of the house every day – even if it was just to run through the drive through for an iced tea. Slowly I started to feel more and more like my “old self” – but it didn’t happen overnight.

Nothing compares to the way a baby completely changes your world and your life, so cut yourself some slack! Hugs.

SO common! Not that it makes it any easier. The first eight weeks, for me, were the worst. I thought I was losing my mind.
In fact, to tell you the truth, I’m just starting to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel at 4 months. It’s haaaaaard adjusting to the idea that your life is no longer…well…your life.
I second the need to get out of the house. Walks do wonders…especially because you don’t actually have to get in the car and GO anywhere, and if you wear a hat/sunglasses/gym clothes, no one really even knows it’s you (with any luck!). At least, then, you can feel like you got out and did something for the day.
Hang in there! It will get better eventually!

Are you sleeping? I was absolutely miserable for the first 6 weeks of my son’s life. My husband finally took over for a couple of nights and sent me to the guestroom to sleep. I re-emerged a totally different person. I had no idea what kind of effect sleep deprivation was having on me. It was like flipping a switch! (Also, don’t feel bad about your feelings right now. They’re a lot more common than you think.)

Being a first time mom in itself is stressful. Then adding the responsibility of caring for a newborn… wow. Hang in there, Mama. Get lots and lots of rest and try to get on a schedule with your new baby as much as possible. That helped me get my day going and have something to look forward to, even if it’s tummy time. Try to get some fresh air once a day even if it’s to take your baby for a stroll outside of your house for 10 minutes. I’m sure your neighbors won’t care that you’re still in your PJs. Call someone once a day just to chat even for a few minutes. And lastly, as hard as I know it is to do, take a quick shower once a day. That really helped me feel better instantly. Hope this all passes for you soon. Big hugs!

There are real hormonal shifts after adoption, so don’t let people negate that part of it for you. Also, many adoptive parents have had this very long wait and build up, through infertility, then listing, then waiting etc. It is natural that after such a huge and dragged out emotional roller coaster that there is some kind of collapse afterward. It can really help to talk to someone and at least take that hour every week or every other week for yourself!

Yes! Get help now. Let a medical doctor decide if your condition is severe enough to require medicine or if it is something that can be dealt with via therapy etc. My first episode of depression I lived in agony for months before I would finally admit that it was bad enough I needed help. Now I hated that I waited that long. I did the same thing again when I had PAD. There is nothing wrong with requiring medicine to get help w/ this period of your life and don’t let anyone tell you that there is. You can read all my experiences w/ both depressions on my blog – http://juliegumm.com/category/depression/

I just read Mrs. Jacks’s comment and she makes the point that came to my mind – you had a very long and emotional road leading up to the adoption and now that you have your baby all of those things that consumed your life are gone. You just fell off the cliff you’ve been struggling to climb (where falling off the cliff is a great thing in this case, but I can’t think of anything but this dumb analogy.)

I got blue during the first month too and I think it had a lot to do with being tired and being overwhelmed that I couldn’t do everything I used to do because I just didn’t have the time. I accepted A LOT of help in the first month. My mom stayed with us, it made all the difference. I also took a nap every day when Mr. S got home from work. And I let go of the need to have our house look perfect all the time. Now I’m able to tidy up in the evening, but it takes many months to get back to having time for yourself again.

When M was tiny my best friend told me that nothing will last forever. It’s true of the difficult times and the good times. Reminding myself of that in the middle of the night when he wouldn’t sleep or at 2pm when I was finally taking a shower really helped me. And even last night I reminded myself of that as I stood next to his crib rubbing his back because he couldn’t sleep.

You should really talk to your doctor about it. As someone who has suffered from and been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety, I spent a lot of time telling myself I would snap out of it, or that it was nothing or a phase. Seeing a therapist was probably the best thing I ever did and once I found the right person, I worked through a lot of stuff, although I still have lots of work to do.

My symptoms peaked after the loss of my mom and a miscarriage in less than a year, which is great emotional upheaval, as I’m sure the entire adoption process is. I’m not a mom, although I’m pregnant and due in August, and I’ve already read up on the symptoms of PPD so I know what to look for. I wasted a lot of my adult life being unhappy and irrationally worried, and it’s not worth it when there are ways to fix it. A happy mom is extremely important to baby’s development, so make some time to make sure you’re doing ok. Let your doctor make the call on whether its a phase or something more serious.