We were matched with our birth mother at the beginning of October 2008. We were told that she was due at the end of October.  We were very excited to have our Halloween baby home with us, but it didn’t quite turn out that way.  We got several update emails from our social worker that our birth mom was have Braxton Hicks contractions but not much else.  Halloween came and went and we had no little one yet.  Each time our phone rang, my heart skipped a beat.  One time I remember yelling at my mom to stop calling me because I wanted the next call to be from our adoption agency.  She laughed knowing how much stress I was under.

Finally Saturday morning November 8th I was woken up by the phone ringing.  I ran to grab it and sure enough it was our social worker.  She was calling to let us know that our birth mother was in labor and was going to the hospital.  The birth mother wanted us there but wasn’t sure if she wanted us in the room.  We assured the social worker that we did not want to pressure her into anything but that we would come to the hospital.  We had about an hour drive to get to the hospital she would be delivering at, so we both got ready quickly.  We called both sets of our parents to let them know we were going. Mr. Train’s parents came up from San Diego and stayed with my parents while we were at the hospital.

We arrived close to noon.  We weren’t sure where in the hospital we were supposed to go, so we sat outside the Labor and Delivery area waiting for our social worker.  There were some other people waiting in the same area that we had never met before.  We heard one woman saying she just wished her niece would have an epidural so that she wouldn’t feel the pain.  After a few minutes we saw our birth mother’s dad come around the corner.  The people sitting right next to us were more of her family.  Her dad, who we met in October, came up to us and introduced us to the rest of the family.  We learned that the people we were sitting next to were the birth mother’s aunt and grandparents.

Her aunt was very emotional about the whole process.  She had to excuse herself several times from talking to us because she was upset about the adoption and that her niece was having a difficult labor.  Her grandparents were very nice.  They talked to us about our family and our lives and wanted to know why we had picked adoption.  We had a very easy time talking with them and then seemed genuinely interested in us.  We kept getting updates from our birth mom’s dad.  She was progressing, but slowly.

At one point in the afternoon he came out and said she was asking to see us.  We had only met once before so we were a little worried about how to act around her.  We didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

We went in to see her but we didn’t stay long.  She was laboring in a small curtained off area of a larger room.  She said she was doing ok, but that the contractions were getting worse.  She let us know that she was glad we were there but that she wasn’t comfortable having us in the room with her.  We told her that was fine.  We would do whatever she wanted us to do.  We talked to her for a few minutes and then left.  Every few minutes she would cringe from contractions and stop talking so we figured she might be more comfortable without us there.

Her dad came out at about 4 and told us that she was going to start pushing.  The poor thing pushed for 3 hours.  The doctors finally agreed that she should go in for a c section.

It was another hour or so before we had any news. Finally, her dad came out to let us and his family know that everything was fine and both birth mom and baby were doing well.  Because he was born after visiting hours and we were not family, we were not going to be able to see him that night. Parts of the hospital were under construction but they said there was a window from the nursery to the outside of the hospital. We left the hospital and went out around the back side.  There we saw a window but there was no one there.  I took the chance to call our parents and tell them all the birth stats.  He was 7 lbs 9 oz and 19.5 inches.  While I was on the phone the nurse had brought our son up to the window. Everyone had to yell for me to come back.  I ran to the window and got to see my son for the first time.

My heart was never the same after seeing this view. It’s a blurry picture through a dirty window, but it was my small taste of motherhood.

I can’t quite describe exactly what I was feeling.  I was looking at a baby that might be mine in a few days, but that could all change depending on the choices a young woman was going to have to make. A part of my heart became a mom at that very moment. I looked at him and tried not to cry, but tears came anyways. I didn’t know if I was allowed to love him yet. I wasn’t sure if he was mine.  But I loved looking at him.

We watched as our birth mother’s dad came in to the nursery. He stayed with my son while he was in the bassinet getting all of his vitals checked. I watched as a grandfather interacted with his first born grandson knowing that he would not be around all the time to see him grow. The bittersweet emotions that are involved in an open adoption can be very overwhelming. We had met these people. We had talked all day. We knew how much they loved their family and how hard this was for them.  I cried with our birth mom’s aunt as we both sat there staring at the boy whose destiny was still unsure.


This was outside the hospital right after seeing our son for the first time

We had to leave that night without holding him.  We left filled with excitement and fear. The family told us that we could come and visit tomorrow whenever we wanted.

When we came home, we shared our experiences and our pictures with our parents.  They got a small glimpse of the little boy that could be their future grandson.  I know they were very reserved as well but everyone was hopeful.  The next few days would be filled with anxiety while we waited for choices to be made and our future to be decided.

… to be continued.