After the referral, and after the mounds and mounds of acceptance paperwork, comes the most challenging—and perhaps the most bittersweet—part of the waiting process. The care package preparation. I know some mamas love this part of the process. I’m not one of them. There are moments that I enjoy, and even have fun with… but overall, I have a love/hate relationship with this part. I won’t lie… I do have lots of fun wandering toy shops and baby stores looking for the “perfect little thing” to add in. Many an hour this last week was lost doing just that. BUT…
I think it’s very hard to shop for a baby—YOUR baby!—that you only know on paper. I find it difficult to pick out meaningful “hostess-type gifts” for women and families who are caring for and loving your child while you can’t. I struggle to find things appropriate for my child, while still making sure that the basics are covered. I feel my heart crack a little when picking out clothes and toys that I may never see my child wear or play with.
But… that’s part of what motherhood is about isn’t it?! Working through the pain and difficulty to do everything in your power to make your child feel safe and loved. Honestly, the only thing I want to squeeze in that little box is us, but since I can’t… hopefully these items will act as the next best thing. Here’s what I managed to squeeze into Baby Paintbrush’s First Care Package:
1. Clothing. Is there anything more fun than shopping for a new cute little outfit?! No, not really! The outfits pictured above are from BabyGap. I included one similar to those, as well as a little Boston Red Sox onesie set. (OK, Mr. Paintbrush was responsible for that one!)
2. Our voices. The one consistent in care package “suggestions” is including items that will help familiarize your baby to you. What better way than including your voice? Two popular items in the adoption circle are:
- The B. Hellophone from Target. It allows you to record a short message in addition to the ones they have on there. All three of us gathered round and recorded “Hello!” and “I love you!” in Korean for Baby Paintbrush to discover.
- A recordable storybook. I especially like “Under the Same Moon” available from Hallmark, because of the story line. We didn’t include this, but plan to in a future package.
3. Hostess Gifts. These are gifts for the social worker, and the foster family. I really, really struggle with these. How do you send something small, yet meaningful, for people you don’t know… yet live in your heart already?! I went traditional this package… but have plans for doing something more personal in the next package. For the social worker, we included some Lindt chocolate, and a “boutique” hand lotion that I love. For the foster family, we included some Starbucks “Tribute” coffee, as well as a “boutique” hand lotion and a silk scarf for the foster mother.
4. A baby photo album. Again, what better way for baby to learn “who we are” then to include some photos of us?! I love the bright colors in the Sassy Look Book, and the sleeves fit 6 4×6 photos. (Almost – I did trim them down a little.) There is also a spot on the cover for a little photo. We sent one of these in the care package for our first son… and four years later, it’s still intact, and often flipped through.
5. A disposable camera. This seems crazy considering the popularity, and prevalence, of digital cameras today… but, at the very least it says “please take photos!” Right?! I know I already won the “photo lottery“… but what can I say?! I’m a photo-greedy waiting Mama. Can you really blame me?! I made sure that I sent a simple camera with a flash.
6. Treats for Baby Paintbrush. In some of the referral photos, I spied a bottle of puffs in the background. He looked pretty happy in those shots, and I know he’s starting solids… so I grabbed some of our favorites from Gerber to stash in the box.
7. A fun toy. The referral report mentioned that Baby Paintbrush really enjoyed music… so we found a fun music toy to include. ThisBaby Einstein toy has lights and music, and seems perfect for the baby who “likes to put everything in his mouth.”
8. A blanket to snuggle. I love this blanket by Circo, but for the purpose of this package… we did something a little more personal. My Mini Michelangelo and I whipped up a small (18″x18″) blanket with some fabric he picked out from my stash. He then slept with it for a couple of nights to get his scent on it. (As well as the scent of our laundry detergent, soap, etc.) He took this job very seriously, and it was a good way to involve him. We then packaged it up for Baby Paintbrush. We hope he attaches to it, and even more, we hope that it travels home with him!
9. A little friend. While we aren’t there to offer hugs, this little guy can be.
10. An activity book. We know that Baby Paintbrush loves to rip real books, so we picked an indestructible “activity” book for him. I’m a reader, so the thought of sending a package without a book was just wrong to me… hopefully this is a happy medium! The Very Hungry Caterpillar is classic, and I love this version of it!
11. Love. While it’s not something that Baby Paintbrush, or the foster family, or the social worker will be able to see… I sure hope they can feel it. While I don’t feel that there is a ton of originality to this package, there sure was a lot of love that went into picking out the items. And just to make sure… we blew in some extra kisses before sealing the box!
Also included, but not pictured: spare batteries, a letter to the foster family introducing ourselves, and a gift “to share” with the office staff of the Korean agency. I also sent an update for our first son’s file (why not, right?!) and a letter to his foster mother and his social worker.
I’ve already started shopping for the next care package that we hope to get to Baby Paintbrush in time for his first birthday. (gulp) I’m hoping that one has a little more “personality” to it!
Baby Paintbrush’s Adoption Journey part 3 of 14
1. Just when you least expect it... by Mrs. Paintbrush2. Winning the {photo} lottery by Mrs. Paintbrush
3. Packing it all in... by Mrs. Paintbrush
4. One by Mrs. Paintbrush
5. The Birthday Box by Mrs. Paintbrush
6. Mile 18 by Mrs. Paintbrush
7. Making a list, and checking it twice... by Mrs. Paintbrush
8. 163 Words by Mrs. Paintbrush
9. Tis' the Season... by Mrs. Paintbrush
10. We're leaving on a jet plane... by Mrs. Paintbrush
11. Christmas Care Package by Mrs. Paintbrush
12. The Waiting is the Hardest Part... by Mrs. Paintbrush
13. It's "go" time! by Mrs. Paintbrush
14. Finally Four by Mrs. Paintbrush
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
Um. Ugly crying at work. Thanks.
Seriously, Mini Michaelangelo taking his blanket-breaking-in responsibilities so seriously? He’s going to be the best big bro EVER.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
I love your choices and I think the recipients will, too! I hope you get some good pictures back!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I’m sure they’ll definitely feel #11 given all the thought and care you put into this package. Love it!
cherry / 116 posts
This was a very thoughtful and loving package that you put together. Adoption is beautiful and heart-wrenching. I know the feelings that you’re having; loving, hoping, and yet wondering how it will all turn out. I’m excited for you that you get to send this wonderful package to Baby Paintbrush. I really love that you included the blanket with your smells and the recordings of your voices. Thank you for sharing with us!
pomegranate / 3768 posts
what a sweet and thoughtful care package. i could feel the love. it’s perfect.
GOLD / apricot / 315 posts
Oh my goodness. I had no idea that this was something adoptive families did. It is so unbelievably sweet, and so obvious how much love and thought you put into it. I think Baby Paintbrush is one lucky little dude.
kiwi / 511 posts
I think the care package sounds wonderful and it is interesting to see how different the adoption process is when adopting from different countries.
We adopted from Russia and there were gifts but they were (1) to the orphanage (coloring books and crayons) for the first trip and cash for the second trip (2) the social worker (3) the court reporter and (4) the lawyer representing us in Russia in addition to paying her.
When we left our LO after the first trip we left behind a backpack that contained (1)his blanket that I had made for him, (2) a police car and firetruck, (3) three soft books (4) as set of three weeble wobbles (5) a stuffed dog (6) a brag book photo album with pictures of DH and I, the house, his room, our parents, the cat and DH’s cousins that lived close and he would see often. We played with all those things when we visited him that first trip and I happy to say that it was obvious when we went back that the orphanage staff let him play with the stuff after we left and we only lost 2 of the weeble wobbles. That blanket and that dog which he really didn’t like at the orphanage are two of his favorite things.
When we brought him home is when we brought clothes for him otherwise he wore whatever the orphanage put him in. When he left with us the only thing from the orphanage was the diaper he was in, he was wearing all of the clothes that we had brought him.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
It’s so interesting to hear more about the international adoptions. Since we did domestic we just had a gift for birth mom. I think your package is lovely and thoughtful!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
oh my goodness – my heart is swelling! What an incredibly sweet and thoughtful package… I had no idea care packages were a part of adoption! And um…. mini michelangelo breaking in the baby blanket?! OMG OMG OMG tooooo much sweetness. What an amazing big brother he will be!
I haven’t read “Under the Same Moon” but it sure sounds sooo super sweet.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
This is so fascinating to me, this is one of many examples of why I love this site. I had no idea this could be a part of international adoption and I am so intrigued and the more I learn the more I feel my heart being tugged towards maybe adopting. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I am sure Baby Paintbrush is going to love his care package!
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
This looks like such an amazing package – I’m not gonna lie – I teared up reading about how much thought you put in and how your older son put so much effort in as well
He will love it- I’m sure!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@mrs. wagon: I seem to do that to you.
Sorry!
@mrs. tictactoe: Thank you! Here’s hoping that camera is filled!
@Mrs. High Heels: Thank you!
@Mrs. Beemer: You were so eloquent! “loving, hoping, and yet wondering how it will all turn out.” I wish I had said that! And thank you for your sweet words!
@Mrs. Chen: Thank you!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@Mrs. Paintbrush: lol silly, don’t be sorry. It’s not
, it’s more like :*)
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@Mrs. Paintbrush: umm.. going back and re-reading my original comment I sound pretty snarky. SORRY!! I tainted this oh so beautiful blog post. But seriously. AMAZING care package. I don’t think it could be more perfect. Baby Paintbrush is one super lucky lil man to have such an awesome momma.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@Mrs. Chalk: Thank you!
@Mrs. Train: That is one gift I can’t imagine buying… Obviously, I would do it in a heart beat if needed since that would mean we would get to meet her…
@Mrs. Pen: Awww… thank you! Yes, Mini Michelangelo is definitely ready to be a big brother!
@Cole: Thank you for the sweet words! Obviously, I feel that adoption is an amazing way to build a family… I’m more than happy to answer (most) questions about it, if you have any.
@Mrs. Confetti: Thank you!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@mrs. wagon: NOT AT ALL! I didn’t read “snark” at all. I actually could hear you “saying” it in my head… over a cup of coffee or something. It’s all good.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@Mrs. Paintbrush: by the way – can you share how old baby #2 is right now? Any idea how old he’ll be when you can bring him home? I understand if those things are still confidential
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
Oh my oh my how sweet. This is just too much, I’m crying at work, too.
I LOVE all the thought and love you put into your care package. I can’t imagine doing all this for your son who you can’t touch in person yet but who you will have in your arms forever in due time.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@Mrs. Paintbrush:
make it wine.. our playdate is coming up!! 
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@Mrs. Pen: Baby Paintbrush is currently 10 months. We have no real understanding about when he will come home, given the recent changes in the laws in Korea. We *hope* to travel later this year…
@mediagirl: Aw, thank YOU. Your last sentence made *me* tear up a little bit.
@mrs. wagon: Oh yes, wine please!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@Mrs. Paintbrush: if you’re up for it I’d love to see a post about adoption laws in Korea – that would be so interesting.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@Mrs. Pen: I’m sure that either @Mrs. Cowgirl or I (or both of us together!) will tackle this at some point… there are just so many unknowns as they work through it all right now.
pomelo / 5321 posts
I am always so excited to see an update from you. I love reading them and learning about your adoption journey(s)! I hope baby paintbrush is your arms soon!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@Sweet T: You seriously just made my day! Thank you.
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
I love all your choices especially the sassy photo album. One of our favorites around here
apricot / 274 posts
What a thoughtful care package! I love the phone with the recorded messages and the blanket. It’s just so sweet.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
Thank you @Mrs. Tea & @BunnyDragon!
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
I love this!!!! So, are you guys not limited to the gallon size bag?! Or are you as amazing as our friend, CM?!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@Mrs. Cowgirl: THANK YOU for all your help with this too!! And no, we are not limited. We ship directly to the agency… so we are limited more by box size and weight, since we pay for it in terms of customs and postage.
I did fit all of this into an 8x10x8 box though! I was pretty impressed with that!
guest
Thank you SO SO SO much for including adoption on your site. We IA parents don’t get to see as much that applies to us on many sites. Thank you!
We adopted from Russia. It was the best worst thing I’ve ever endured. Of course the best, because we finally brought home our son. But we lived in limbo for many months not knowing if it would all work out. Russia is now closed to American families. Leaving our son was the worst day of my life. (Russia was a 3 trip country) But returning to see him attached to the grubby family photo book we gave him was really comforting. The caregivers like to look at the pictures so they give it to them quite a bit. One thing that may vary by orphanage is that in ours, they couldn’t take soft toys. Because they cannot disinfect them properly. You might check on that. Sounds like you have a foster care situation, which is wonderful for your son.
All the very best wishes for you to bring him home soon. Like birth (which I’ve also done) the toughness of the current situation starts to melt away.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
Thank you so much Sherry! Adoption is definitely the hardest journey I have ever been on… but so, so worth it! I really enjoyed reading your story, thank you for sharing!
apricot / 274 posts
@mrs. Paintbrush: if you are including another hostess gift on your next package, may I suggest centrum or centrum silver?Apparently it’s very popular in Korea, but expensive. My mom has made two trips to the states to see my babies and she loaded up on centrum (like 20 bottles to gift to family and friends) each time.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@BunnyDragon: Please make suggestions! I’m so lost on good hostess gifts these days! (And I need to start gathering gifts for when we travel…) I love this one! Do you think it’s something both the foster mother (mid-50s) and the social worker (20s??) would appreciate?!
apricot / 274 posts
@mrs. Paintbrush: I think it will be appreciated by both the young and the old. In my opinion, Koreans are really into brand name products. Especially when endorsed by a popular celebrity! I think Starbucks coffee was a great choice by the way!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
@BunnyDragon: Thank you! I didn’t know that about the celebrity endorsement! @Mrs. Cowgirl told me to go for the name brand stuff (the scarf was by a well known designer) so I’ve been stalking TJ Maxx for gifts as well. I’ll have to put that tidbit about celebrity endorsement in my mind too! Thanks!