It’s happening all over again. I thought I would be calmer this time around, less nervous and that I would goggle less. Yet here I am typing into my phone, “can heartburn be a first sign of pregnancy” and “when did you have your first pregnancy symptom.”
I am nervous, excited and feel like I am on the tip of the high dive, thinking to myself that last time was worth it after I jumped. The butterflies in my stomach, the over-analyzing of every twinge. All familiar, and yet I thought this time would be different. I thought I would be calmer this time around, more “motherly” and that I wouldn’t panic that I have no idea what I am doing.
I find myself resting my hand on my stomach almost as if I am expecting a kick. I fear that it may not happen as quickly this time, that if it does that something might go wrong, that maybe I will never be able to have another baby. I am so blessed to have the family that I do, to have my child. I tell myself that whatever happens that we will be okay. I will find peace and I just have to let things happen the way they are meant to.
But my mind stills goes and goes.
The wait is on…