We started Clomid treatments again last October, and our first cycle failed. In November, I had a faint positive test but got my period two days later. It was my third chemical pregnancy, and it really threw me for a loop. I decided to try a third Clomid cycle in December but didn't have much hope. I was frustrated with my body, angry with insurance, and sick of spending money on fertility drugs that weren't working. Two weeks into that cycle, I decided I didn't care anymore. I was overwhelmed with TTC and needed a break. Because we were mid-cycle and I'd already taken Clomid, I committed to finishing this month but didn't have much hope for getting pregnant. We had planned to move on to an IUI in January, but I told my husband I needed a break. In January, I wanted switch the focus onto myself, and put more attention into fitness and general well-being. I was really feeling down.
I absolutely did not expect it but my positive surge was detected on a Monday and confirmed with ultrasound and blood work. The tech noted that I had two follicles, and my coordinator didn't cancel our cycle but said it was ultimately up to us. We decided to go for it and see what happened. Everything was timed absolutely perfectly this month, just like it had been the previous two months, so I didn't put a lot of stock into the timing of events. I also didn't experience any Clomid side effects and to me, that meant a failed cycle.
M O N D A Y - 7 D A Y S D P O
About seven days after ovulation, I started having a lot of symptoms but was trying so, so hard not to symptom spot. My husband had two weeks off surrounding Christmas and New Years, and I spent almost our entire vacation together sleeping. My breasts hurt and I was getting up several times a night to pee. I was so thirsty and drank so much water, I was up all night using the bathroom.
T U E S D A Y - 8 D A Y S D P O
On Christmas Eve, 8DPO, I felt two very sharp twinges of pain when I sneezed. I felt sore and bruised afterward, and we were left wondering what this could possibly be. I had taken a test that day and it was stark white. The logical person in me knew that this wasn't going to be a positive test. But my anxiety crept up and I was fully convinced that we were out this month. I started having some lower back pain that evening and was sure my period was coming.
Even though it was still too early, I had two tests left and decided to test again on Christmas morning. I wanted so badly to tell my husband on Christmas that I was pregnant, but another negative test meant I wouldn't get that chance. I did spend the entire day so nauseous I could hardly eat. I'm always bursting with excitement on Christmas, but this year I kept yawning and was looking forward to my bed... not dinner. My husband and I agreed that I'd test one last time on Thursday, 10DPO, and then I'd wait until I missed my period.
T H U R S D A Y - 1 0 D A Y S D P O
At 6am on Thursday morning, when I got up (again) to use the bathroom, I took a test. It took a minute to appear, but it was positive! I woke my husband up to show him the test, but he was groggy and not interested in being awake so early on his day off. It was a faint positive, though, and we agreed that I'd test again on Friday to see if the line was darker. I spent most of Thursday feeling sick and napping, and that night I had to have nachos with extra jalapenos. I fell asleep by 10pm.
F R I D A Y - 1 1 D A Y S D P O
I woke up at least four times to use the bathroom that night and was worried that, when I woke up at 5am, I wouldn't get a positive result from drinking too much water and using the bathroom throughout the night. It instantly came up positive, though, and was a nice dark line.
It's hard to surprise someone with a positive pregnancy test result when you're deliberately trying to conceive, and even harder when they know your cycle because you're doing fertility treatments. I had managed to surprise him on Valentines Day 2011 with my positive test with Chloe, and I planned on doing something similar this time around, too. I was bursting with excitement though and temporarily forgot it was 5 in the morning. I shook my husband to wake him up, and he rolled over long enough to tell me, "Oh, that's nice. Congratulations." before he rolled back over and starting snoring again. How romantic..
Three betas confirmed our pregnancy, and my numbers were high enough that it made my doctor question if we really were having multiples. I had one scan at 5 weeks, and we weren't able to see how many babies there were yet, though we did confirm an inter-uterine pregnancy. When I found out we were having Chloe, I cried and I cried because I was so happy. This time around, I haven't shed a single tear. I've been a bit more on guard and haven't really allowed myself to feel excitement yet, though we have been researching car seats and double strollers. I'm trying to remain optimistic and every now and again, I am bursting with excitement. I can't wait to hold our baby. I can't wait for Chloe to meet her new little brother or sister!