My sister and I are super close. When I got married before her, people asked if she was jealous or upset since she was 3 years older than me. But my sister was genuinely happy for me and was even my maid of honor. When she got married last year, I swear it was the happiest day of my life! We’ve always truly supported and loved each other through everything.
All the stars aligned last year and we planned on trying to build a family at the same time. She had been ready for kids light ages ago (opposite of me!), and her husband was just as nuts about kiddos. We were super excited to get pregnant and be able to walk this journey together. However, my sister had a lot of difficulties immediately. It seemed like the fertility world was against my sister and my brother-in-law. It’s one thing to watch someone go through IVF while pregnant, but it’s another when it’s your sister and best friend!
When Sister Pencil found out that they were going to have some fertility hurdles, they dove right into IVF as soon as they could. They were also curious about adoption, but wanted to try having their own kids first. (Plus they had recently gotten married and some agencies seemed to have a 3 year minimum window.) I had no idea that the world of IVF was such a long and tedious journey. Not only do you go through rounds of different stages before actually transferring an egg to your uterus, but the waiting game is stretched out for months for every little thing. Every time they were waiting for some type of test result, we received emails saying, “Pray for good results! We find out tomorrow.” Then there was another test the following week, then a delay. Then another test. More delays. I could tell they were getting frustrated that it was taking longer than they thought. And the process, like the egg retrieval, actually physically hurt sometimes!
Hearing my sister tell me of her body’s reaction to the hormones and new body aches made me feel like my morning sickness was nothing in comparison. I remember her telling me, “I can’t believe it’s so hard already… I’m not even pregnant yet!” I knew she meant that she wished those pains and aches were for a baby that was already in her belly, but for now it was just to prep or test something. She even had to endure an ectopic pregnancy, which resulted in a painful surgery during her 1st trimester.
This was our baby shower, which Sister Pencil totally planned and insisted on throwing on her own!
It felt awkward at times to celebrate when someone so close to you is trying so hard to conceive. In fact, she threw us our baby shower shortly after their first failed attempt. And of course, we had everyone innocently asking why my sister wasn’t pregnant yet. That was the worst! I knew she was happy for me and was excited to have a nephew, but I also knew there was a lot of hurt watching us in stages she wished she could be in. I knew she looked at her swollen belly from hormone shots and wished she had a little one of her own growing in her uterus. It pained me to watch her watch me. And sometimes it was hard to celebrate and talk about my future baby plans to her, even though she was my best friend! She was the one person I wanted to talk about it with the most.
I learned of new kind of love from my sister. It’s the type of love that doesn’t feel all mushy and wonderful. It’s the act of pursuing and supporting a relationship that might be difficult, but you walk with them anyway.
Sister Pencil with Baby Pencil at the hospital.
Now I look at conception so differently. I am really blessed to be able to have Baby Pencil. It amazes me what people go through in order to conceive, and my heart is with them. The love parents have for their unborn children is so real and so beautiful. It humbles me and makes me feel even more grateful for Baby Pencil.
*Update: Sister Pencil is finally pregnant and in her 18th week! SO happy for her! Crossing fingers that all goes well!
pear / 1998 posts
It’s got to be hard for both of you, but you can tell that the love that you have for each other is obvious! So happy you can celebrate your little one and her future little one together.
Also, if she ever adopted children, they would be her “own” kids too. I think the word you meant was biological
nectarine / 2433 posts
This is so well written and I know the pain your sister felt but I’m sure having a sister with so much compassion strengthened her! And I knew I shouldn’t have ready this at work…
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Not going to lie, this totally made me tear up! Your sister’s unwavering support of you during what must have been a really difficult time in her life is AMAZING!!! And I’m so so happy to hear that she’s pregnant now!!!
pomelo / 5628 posts
I am your sister! We are even 3 years apart. But now we both have lo’s 7 months apart and it’s so much fun! It was tough for me at the beginning, but sisters can overcome a lot! Big hugs for both of you : ).
honeydew / 7444 posts
This really made me tear up – you girls are lucky to have one another for love and support. Your boy is especially lucky!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
This totally made me choke up. I love the relationship you have with your sister and how loving & supportive you are for each other! I pray and hope for a baby in her future soon!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
Beautiful post! Your sister is my hero.
guest
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m 29 weeks pregnant now and my BFF and her husband have been struggling with fertility issues for about a year. It was so hard to tell her that I was pregnant, especially because they’ve been talking about kids long before my husband and I were. She’s been very supportive, but I still feel guilty and wish I knew how to comfort her better. I’d love to read more about you and your sister’s journey. And congrats to her on her pregnancy!!!
blogger / apricot / 335 posts
@TemperanceBrennan: You’re absolutely right! I meant to say “biological”!
@mrswin: It’s great when compassion comes from both ways, isn’t it? :*)
@Adira: People’s character truly shines the most during the difficult times, right? It really opened my eyes in seeing her a totally different way… amazing.
@Mrs Green Grass: We’re sister twins! Our LO’s will be 7 months apart as well… Sisters are the best!
@Freckles: Thanks for the support! I’m truly and wonderfully blessed.
@snowjewelz: Thank you! I know she needs all the good karma and juju for the rest of her pregnancy!
@kml636: She’s mine as well
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
Very sweet post :).
It’s funny…once you enter the world of pregnancy/miscarriage/loss/IVF, all of sudden those innocent questions can become really painful. It helps to walk with someone who has not had an easy journey because you become more aware (and you stop asking every married person when they’re going to have a baby).
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Talk about unconditional love!! So happy your sister is pregnant and y’all can share all the joys together now. Wishing her a happy and healthy 9 months!
coconut / 8475 posts
@Mrs. Pencil: congratulations to your sister!!! Wishing her all the happiness in the world and baby dust and labor and delivery luck! xoxoxo She already has such a great sister:) Now, a baby will complete the package.
blogger / clementine / 750 posts
What a tough situation to be in, but it sounds like the strength between the two of you helped with the way it was all handled. So happy she’s pregnant now!! Congratulations to her
honeydew / 7811 posts
You are both beautiful inside and out! Hope my future children can love their siblings so well!
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
It is so amazing how supportive she has been for you throughout the process. She must have a huge heart. You are so lucky to have each other.
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
These situations can be so tricky and difficult. It sounds like you two are really close and share so much love! Congrats to your sister! So glad she has been able to get pregnant!
grapefruit / 4703 posts
What a great relationship you two have! I don’t have a sister, but my best friend since childhood, who is like a sister to me, was pregnant while I was going through IVF, so I kind of understand this situation from your sister’s point of view. Her baby shower was the day before my first egg retrieval, and she had the baby two weeks before my second egg retrieval. It was hard at times, (still is!) but my excitement and happiness for her always outweighed my sadness for my own situation. I could see that it was hard for her though, too, to feel like she had to hold back her excitement around me sometimes. Congrats to your sister and BIL!
grapefruit / 4731 posts
Your sister is the most humble and nicest person I have ever read about. She didn’t let her being older make her feel entitle to have things before you and really cared for you more than anything. You are very lucky to have your sister. She sounds like a great best friend. I’m so happy she is finally pregnant and that you two are able to grow your families together.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
Your sister is so amazing, but so are you! I love the relationship you have with each other, and I’m so excited to see you guys share in parenthood together too.
blogger / cherry / 113 posts
So happy for your sister and her pregnancy! It takes an incredibly strong person to be there for someone else through infertility.
pomegranate / 3401 posts
Great post. So happy for your sister and I love the bond you have with her!
nectarine / 2152 posts
Sob. Beautiful story. I wish I had a sister! So happy for you both and wishing sister P an uneventful rest of her pregnancy!
blogger / apricot / 335 posts
@Mrs Checkers: Seriously, I’m never even going to open my mouth to any pregnant person EVER… even if they look 9 months pregnant, I still won’t say anything unless they bring it up first!
@Alivoo01: Thank you for the well wishes!
@CupQuakeWalk: Thanks so much! I know she needs all the support and luck she can get. I am also hoping for a quick and easy delivery!
@Mrs. Rabbit: It definitely was not all rainbows and sprinkles all the way around… I summed it up really quickly but it was difficult at times.
@cmomma17: Aww so sweet for you to say! This is always why I wanted 2 girls, haha. (But of course I’m super happy with my little boy!)
@Mrs. Pinata: It really didn’t seem like it was going to happen for awhile, so I’m sooo happy too!
@Shutterbug: My gosh, you are so strong and selfless for being able to be happy for your friend! Just know that she probably acknowledges how difficult it must be and she will be FOREVER grateful for your support! I’m so thankful for people like you!
@Raindrop: Aw that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
@Mrs. High Heels: Me too! I can’t believe we haven’t even begun to parent together yet… so excited for future times!
@Mrs. Sea Otter: Absolutely. As a woman, is there anything harder to watch? I am so humbled beyond belief!
@Ginabean3: Thank you! I don’t want to make it seem like we’re perfect sisters (we still bicker here and there!) but she was definitely there when it mattered the most.
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
Congrats to your sister and what a beautiful honest and touching post about this. I too never realized what others have to struggle through to do something I have been blessed to be able to do so easily (pregnant the first time trying both times) My BFF struggled conceiving her 2nd and I felt for her similarly to what you described. I ended up conceiving and was almost ready to have mine before she was able to finally conceive. She had a beautiful little girl a few months ago and Im so happy for her the same way you are for your sister
guest
Going through infertility treatments does in fact suck. Your description of your relationship with your sister throughout that time reminds me of what I experienced with my family and friends during our journey. You’re lucky to have each other. xxx
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Congratulations to your sister! Such a beautiful post!
apricot / 377 posts
Thank you for this lovely post. You and your sister are so lucky to have each other. It also reminds me of my best friend from childhood who was having her own fertility issues while I was pregnant. We are not a part of each other’s lives now, but I’m silently rooting for her. I wish she and I could’ve been as close through my pregnancy, the birth of my daughter and her journey to have children. It’s so important.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
Wow. This speaks volumes about your relationship with your sister. Volumes! And, I’m so excited that soon, you too, will be an aunt!
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
what a great, thoughtful post…love the relationship you have with your sister! and congrats on soon becoming an eemo!!
also, korea requires 3 years of marriage for adopting couples, so that mandate comes from korea and all US agencies have to go by their requirements (which are quite strict in a lot of ways!).
@TemperanceBrennan: thanks for that little note about “biological” vs. “own”
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
The update made me cry. I’m so happy for her!
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Just read this post! Great post. I have IF and have been TTC our first for the past 3 years.
So happy for your update on your sister!