My sister and I are super close. When I got married before her, people asked if she was jealous or upset since she was 3 years older than me. But my sister was genuinely happy for me and was even my maid of honor. When she got married last year, I swear it was the happiest day of my life! We’ve always truly supported and loved each other through everything.

All the stars aligned last year and we planned on trying to build a family at the same time. She had been ready for kids light ages ago (opposite of me!), and her husband was just as nuts about kiddos. We were super excited to get pregnant and be able to walk this journey together. However, my sister had a lot of difficulties immediately. It seemed like the fertility world was against my sister and my brother-in-law. It’s one thing to watch someone go through IVF while pregnant, but it’s another when it’s your sister and best friend!

When Sister Pencil found out that they were going to have some fertility hurdles, they dove right into IVF as soon as they could. They were also curious about adoption, but wanted to try having their own kids first. (Plus they had recently gotten married and some agencies seemed to have a 3 year minimum window.) I had no idea that the world of IVF was such a long and tedious journey. Not only do you go through rounds of different stages before actually transferring an egg to your uterus, but the waiting game is stretched out for months for every little thing. Every time they were waiting for some type of test result, we  received emails saying, “Pray for good results! We find out tomorrow.” Then there was another test the following week, then a delay. Then another test.  More delays. I could tell they were getting frustrated that it was taking longer than they thought. And the process, like the egg retrieval, actually physically hurt sometimes!

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Hearing my sister tell me of her body’s reaction to the hormones and new body aches made me feel like my morning sickness was nothing in comparison. I remember her telling me, “I can’t believe it’s so hard already… I’m not even pregnant yet!” I knew she meant that she wished those pains and aches were for a baby that was already in her belly, but for now it was just to prep or test something.  She even had to endure an ectopic pregnancy, which resulted in a painful surgery during her 1st trimester.


This was our baby shower, which Sister Pencil totally planned and insisted on throwing on her own!

It felt awkward at times to celebrate when someone so close to you is trying so hard to conceive. In fact, she threw us our baby shower shortly after their first failed attempt. And of course, we had everyone innocently asking why my sister wasn’t pregnant yet. That was the worst! I knew she was happy for me and was excited to have a nephew, but I also knew there was a lot of hurt watching us in stages she wished she could be in. I knew she looked at her swollen belly from hormone shots and wished she had a little one of her own growing in her uterus. It pained me to watch her watch me. And sometimes it was hard to celebrate and talk about my future baby plans to her, even though she was my best friend! She was the one person I wanted to talk about it with the most.

I learned of new kind of love from my sister. It’s the type of love that doesn’t feel all mushy and wonderful. It’s the act of pursuing and supporting a relationship that might be difficult, but you walk with them anyway.


Sister Pencil with Baby Pencil at the hospital.

Now I look at conception so differently. I am really blessed to be able to have Baby Pencil. It amazes me what people go through in order to conceive, and my heart is with them. The love parents have for their unborn children is so real and so beautiful. It humbles me and makes me feel even more grateful for Baby Pencil.

*Update: Sister Pencil is finally pregnant and in her 18th week! SO happy for her! Crossing fingers that all goes well!