16 month update! It has been even more exhausting than ever. His attention span is shorter, he plays more furiously and his curiosity is insatiable. But he is definitely even funnier than ever! I always wondered why no one tells you that when you have a baby, you’re basically giving birth to your very own live-in comedian.
Ever since 12 months, I keep hearing these same phrases over and over again:
“That’s so good… for a boy.”
“Is he good at (insert skill)?”
“How many words can he say now?”
“Is he a good eater?”
“Is he a good sleeper?”
“Is he social?”
Honestly, I am just over these questions because my answers are always, “I don’t know, he’s just a baby. He’s doing what he can and I think it’s fine.” Of course I put a happy tone in my responses, but I really am over these stressful milestones. I can understand certain ones being big red flags like not grabbing or reacting correctly. But when these milestones get taken to an extreme level, I find it very stressful and that it takes the joy out of regular toddlerhood.
I spent time with a mother who was graciously boasting of her little one’s amazing milestones. When she asked me if Baby Pencil was good at puzzles, in my exasperation I just said, “no, he sucks at it.” (Because he does!) It was a very shocking response because I don’t know if anyone has ever not said something amazing about their child in front of her. I laughed it off, but I really do think it’s OK that Baby Pencil is not some walking genius at age 15 months. Of course he’s going to suck at many things!
So here are my boastings about stuff he’s NOT great at! (I am laughing 90% of the time when he does any of these things.)
- Stacking rings. He just drops them next to the pole… then claps and says “yay!”
- Puzzles. Especially when you have to put certain shapes in certain holes. He often just bangs them into the wrong shape and starts clapping as he walks away.
- Using a spoon or fork
- Sitting down with a book the whole way through (Squirm, squirm)
- Blowing bubbles in the pool. He must have drank a gallon of water so far!
- Walking/running. He still walks like a clumsy, little drunk man. The more tired he is, the drunker the walk! He never looks at what he’s walking into, so if there’s a ball on the ground… he will walk over the ball.
But just because I don’t want this to make him look like a pathetic loser, here are some things he can do well:
- repeat words and phrases, almost to the exact sound
- responds well to flashcards (Although who knows if he actually is “reading” it)
- putting things away
- understanding locks, door knobs and opening and shutting things
- understands what going UP and DOWN is
- understand routine, like going outside and turning the corner to the patio
- putting on shoes
- saying “no-no” and wagging his finger when he can’t do something
- climbing
Even though I’m pretty loosey-goosey on some milestones, I know there are certain things I would like to start thinking about transitioning him to. For the next couple of months, I am keeping these new skills or transitions in mind:
- using a sippy cup instead of bottle for milk
- drinking less milk, eating more food
- finding a daycare a few hours a week
- having more play dates and more classes for socializing
- transitioning down to 1 nap
- continue trying to teach him how to use utensils
- teach him how to go down the stairs (Going up isn’t a problem)
Toddlerhood is really a unique stage because everything happens ever so gradually. I’m not documenting every little thing anymore, so it’s hard to really evaluate how much he’s grown or eaten. When people ask me questions like what he is doing now, I literally draw a blank space. My days are all a blur and I just go with whatever is happening that day. I have no idea if he’s on the right track, but I know generally he is doing OK.
More than being on the right track, I am hoping that Baby Pencil will grow up to have a good heart. More than beating his peers in the latest milestone or competitions in school, if he has a heart and compassion for people around him, it’s really all I really want for him. It’s the “something” that makes your kid want to give the homeless man some food or feel compassion towards a hurt animal. Who cares if your kid is a genius if they don’t have a good heart? (What if they become an evil genius?! Kind of but not really kidding.) I know I can’t teach them this, so I am hoping to go purely based off of living as a good example and guiding them to value kindness.
I just want to enjoy the very simple joys of toddlerhood while I still can. His most favorite thing in the world right now is finding a good “seat.” If he can find a little ledge that’s perfect height for his little legs and butt, he will scoot very slowly to a sitting position and have the biggest smile on his face. He loves, loves being able to sit. It’s the oddest and funniest little joy and I love just sitting with him!
From months 12-16, he’s gotten a few more of his firsts. The first time he held hands with a girl in a car, his first hike, his first scraped knee, his first swimming experience (when he went underwater), his first road trip, his first french-kiss from a dog, his first TV show (Daniel the Tiger on Netflix), his first time being left alone at the church daycare, and his first sweets (frozen yogurt.)
It has been so wonderfully draining and amazing. I love that a someone commented on a mommy group that toddlers are “very adorable psychopaths.” I really think that is the best description; thank goodness for the adorable part!
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Great post!! DS may not be as advanced as some other kids his age, and I’m okay with that! He comprehends tons; and I can see him understanding the concepts in his head. It might take him a couple months to master the concept (like puzzles and shape sorter stuff), but he gets there eventually.
And I totally agree and laughed out loud about the drunk walk! DS walked when he was 12 months, but up until like 18 months, he’d walk like he was drunk sometimes. He’d be walking straight then take a sharp left turn out of nowhere and bam! Hello wall! What the???? It shouldn’t be, but it’s hilarious. I just laugh and shake my head every time it happens.
nectarine / 2784 posts
What a nice post! I can relate to the stress of relaying milestones to outsiders. When people ask me what my infant is doing, I respond with “she’s starting to take an interest in toys!” Honestly I have been saying this for over 2 months now! Obviously she’s been hitting other milestones since then, and probably missing some too, but that’s my auto response and I’m sticking to it!
apple seed / 3 posts
I love this post. I especially relate to your story where you just said “no, he sucks at it.” I do that ALL THE TIME! The response is always so funny! It’s hard not to roll my eyes at this. Let babies be babies.
cherry / 108 posts
LOL!!! Oh my gosh, can we be friends?! The way you write is exactly like my thoughts just written down by someone else! As a first time mom, I think I worried more the first year of my daughter’s life about milestones just because of all the books and overwhelming information out there. And then I started worrying less and less because honestly I wasn’t doing anything extra or fancy, and guess what? She hit her milestones anyways! I barely did tummy time for goodness sake…she hated it so why force it and she ended up holding up her head just fine!
Now I just enjoy her and watching her grow up. Hopefully with baby #2 due in November, I will be less neurotic her first year this go around. And I totally agree that toddlers are “Adorable psychopaths”. I always say God made them extremely cute so parents wouldn’t kick them out of the house
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
I would find it hard to regularly spend time with someone who boasts about their kid all day long!
blogger / apricot / 335 posts
@Alivoo01: LOL! That is my LO for sure.. he just runs into things and I’m like “can you please use your eyeballs and watch where you’re going!?” Still, it’s very entertaining and I’m the mean mommy who’s laughing and taking pictures of her kid.
@Anya: I think we should be even more chill with infants! My pediatrician wanted to give my LO physical therapy when he wasn’t sitting up very well by 6 months, and I was like “really?!” He eventually sat up at 9 months, walked at 14 months but honestly I think it’s FINE. Eventually they will do everything when they’re ready!
@Leda: Yes, it’s hard not to roll my eyes. I totally get the pride parents get with really smart babies and that’s great! But kind of awkward if you’re not also bragging about your own kid. So I just play a different game and do “well my kid is just awful and this and this… and it’s funny!”
@Chicfro: LOL YES! My husband is like “I’ve never met anyone who couldn’t feed themselves… so let him just get to it when he wants.” I swear sometimes these milestones become a boasting game or something for parents. I totally celebrate my baby’s (and my friend’s babies) milestones but I don’t want to go nuts and force it and become all depressed if it’s not happening. I’m sure with #2 you’re even more “whatever” about these things! As long as they’re healthy and happy… that’s what really matters!
@Mrs Checkers: LOL, I can imagine… Can I set you up on a mommy blind date nightmare? Then you’ll appreciate your current mommy friends so much more, haha! But yes, it was quite… interesting. The entire convo was about how brilliant her LO was and how incredibly “behind” my LO was because I didn’t feel like bragging. The end result was “oh it’s because he’s a boy.” I guess people need a resolution to why certain babies aren’t geniuses…?!? In my case, it’s because he’s a boy! (insert cracking up face here.)
guest
Oh I love this post. Something that made me feel better about going back to work full time was knowing I’d be avoiding the moms at the music groups who are constantly trying to see how their kid stacks up. I think it takes a while as a first time parent to figure out that your baby is going to be super great at some stuff, and really suck at others because we hear it from all sides, including from pediatricians (PT at 6 months?! We almost got sent to EI for delayed speech at 18 months…such a crock). PS My 21 month old totally rocks at puzzles–specifically the scattering them across the floor part.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
Lol this made me laugh because I can totally imagine you saying/doing all of this!! It’s such a good perspective and so true! I remember how shocked I was when you told me your ped was concerned about C not sitting up by 6 months – some things have gone way too overboard.
P.S. J still prefers to use his hands over utensils at 2.5, and I’ve never even given him puzzles to try! He has some things he’s great at, and some things he’s terrible at… but that’s ok!
blogger / apricot / 335 posts
@Mrs. High Heels: Yeah seriously! And if the cave men (and guests of Medieval Times) can eat with their hands, why can’t our toddlers? LOL
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
I LOVE this post! You’re so right! It’s soon about the heart and not the brain. It’s easy for me to get caught up in milestones and how “advanced” or “behind” our kids are, but the most important thing is that they grow up to be good people. (Not to say you shouldn’t watch out for red flags that would require intervention).
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
Great post! I’m just now sitting here with my third baby – a girl – who looks like she might be our earliest walker! She is just shy of 15 months – out older two were 16 months and 17 months respectively when they started walking. It seems to really stress (other) people out but I don’t buy into milestone stress. People also get really concerned about our kids’ late teething (my daughter cut her first tooth at 14 months old!). Like what am I supposed to do to speed up their teeth coming in? Good job you for not getting into it!
persimmon / 1096 posts
LO1 was exactly like this – army crawled until 11 months, didn’t walk until 14 months, had no real interest in stacking rings or cups “the right way” (he much preferred flinging them around and banging them together), no puzzle-mastery, slightly behind with language. I felt like other moms thought I was in denial or kind of negligent because I just didn’t care about any of that. He was such a happy, funny little goofball and I didn’t feel like it was important to push anything.
Now, at almost 2.5, he is a sprinting, jumping chatterbox who builds crazy block towers, “makes me breakfast” in his play kitchen, cleans up his own toys, and is generally ahead or on target with milestones. And I still don’t think they’re very important. Guess what? He still sucks at spoons and knives, he still drinks out of a sippy cup, and he’s perfectly content to sit in a poop diaper, so potty training is not in our immediate future.
Let them be little
guest
I love you!! This post is so perfect! My son is 15 months and being a new mama, it is hard to try and keep up with every milestone and all of the “does he do this” conversations. I love that you said you just want him to have a good heart. That really touched me and I could not agree more. I pray for it every night, I just want to raise him to be a good person
blogger / persimmon / 1225 posts
You are hilarious. Great post! That’s so cute he loves to find a nice ledge to sit on!