It’s hard to describe what it’s like meeting your daughter after watching her grow up through pictures over the last 17 months… It’s been about a month since we met our Lil’ Cowgirl and I’m still processing it and trying to wrap my head around all of the emotions and thoughts and feelings of that day. Since I’ll be returning to Korea to bring Lil’ CG home next week, I’m going to try my best to get my thoughts down before they completely escape me! I will say that when we first saw Lil’ CG walk through the doors of our adoption agency in Korea, my first thought was, “She’s real!” It was surreal seeing this little person we had gotten to know only through photos alive and in the flesh, walking around!
We had known from reports we received that Lil’ CG is sensitive and has a great deal of stranger anxiety. So we knew heading into our first meeting that it might not be all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, most of our meeting was faaaaaar from that. Lil’ CG actually arrived wearing sunglasses we sent her and she refused to take them off. In fact, she didn’t even want us to look at her. She cried upon seeing us and continued to cry for a good 45 minutes. Any time we tried to engage with her, she cried harder. It was so sad, and if she wasn’t so distraught, it would have almost been comical…almost.
Of course, it’s hard to watch any child cry, but when it’s a child you’ve been waiting for for well over a year, it’s heartbreaking. My heart broke for her little heart and hurt just thinking about how attached she is to her foster mother and how devastating it will be for Lil’ CG to leave her. We didn’t want to overwhelm Lil’ CG, but we did want and hope to make some kind of connection during our hour-long meeting. So, we just sat and played around her, goofing off with Lil’ CB and trying to slowly help her see that we were okay…
Thankfully, Lil’ CB (who leading up to this meeting was not so keen on gaining a sister) saved the day with his silliness and soccer skillz. Lil’ CG warmed up to Lil’ CB and was enthralled by her crazy big brother and wanted to join in and play with him. And Lil’ CB? Oh, goodness, my heart was bursting with pride watching him play with his new little sister, being gentle and so, so kind towards her.
Those last 15 minutes really redeemed the sadness and scariness of the majority of the meeting…we got to see some smiles, and even got some hugs and high fives! We stacked blocks together and somehow that quickly escalated into throwing blocks (?!), which we definitely wanted to put a stop to, but at the same time loved seeing her smiles as she threw blocks at the wall – haha!
Two days after our first meeting, we got to meet with Lil’ CG and her foster mother again, and though this one also started with some tears, they were short-lived, and after just a few minutes, the rest of our meeting was filled with smiles and laughs and some more great playtime between Lil’ CB and Lil’ CG. It was amazing that we were able to capture smiles like this:
and moments like this:
We are so thankful that our second meeting went so much better and so thankful that we were able to see glimpses of Lil’ CG’s true personality!
I will be back in Seoul next week and will receive custody of Lil’ CG then. I am certain she will be so, so sad when she has to leave her foster mother and I am anticipating the transition will be quite hard…but, I’m holding on to those smiles and laughs from that second meeting and holding on to the fact that I know I’ll see them again. Maybe not right away, but one day in our near future, that smile will be true and for us…
In the meantime, we’ll selfishly take any and all prayers and positive thoughts our way as Lil’ CG becomes an official part of the Cowgirl and Cowboy family…I feel like you’ve all been waiting with us over these last two years and I’m excited for you to get to know her as we get to know her ourselves!