Hey there, you’re going to know who this is right away again, but I’m posting anonymously so I can be as real and raw as I’m feeling and not have this searchable later on…thanks for your love and support!
We’ve been home with our daughter for a little over two months now and in some ways, it’s gone by really quickly, and in other ways, it’s been a slow crawl to this point. As I mentioned in my posts about grieving and bonding, the first few weeks home together are a whirlwind of emotions and new routines and exhaustion. Almost, what I imagine, it’s like during those first few weeks with a newborn. While all of those feelings are still raw and pretty fresh, now that we’ve been home for two months, it also feels like a huge fog has been lifted.
Whereas a month ago, we were still getting to know each other, feeling each other out and adjusting to these new roles and dynamics, I feel like we’re now at a place, where we know each other better and established those roles, even though we’re still figuring out how to behave in said roles.
In many ways, our sweet little girl is like your typical two year-old (read: crazy and hilarious!, also more on that later!), but we have to remind ourselves of the huge trauma and loss she has just gone through. Not to sound melodramatic, but having the rug pulled out from under you and your whole world turned upside down through the roller coaster of international adoption is definitely traumatic. And as happens after a trauma, it takes a long time to adjust afterwards and find your footing in your new normal. In many ways we are still adjusting and still finding our footing, but as I remind myself almost daily, that is absolutely normal.
I find myself needing that reminder quite a bit more than I did with our son. I can’t quite pinpoint why or what it is, but it’s taking longer to find that new normal and really bond with our daughter and in some ways, it feels like I’ve gone through a trauma myself. Maybe it’s because of the extra long wait we had or the fact that our daughter was a full year older than our son was when we brought each of them home. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s a girl and things feel really different. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve guarded my heart for so long in this 3+ years process and it’s still thawing out and learning to let down its guard. Regardless of why, I’m thankful to be conscious of it and working through it.
Our girl is also working through her loss and most of the time she is a happy and spunky little miss, but we’re still seeing pockets of grieving here and there, especially at night or first thing in the morning. Again, all normal. She’s also been showing more sass and defiance lately, too, which, contrary to what you might think, is kind of a good thing. It makes me feel like she’s become more and more comfortable with us to let her true, true colors show.
I’ll be back to work in January and I know that’s going to throw in a whole new set of challenges and require lots more adjusting and footing-finding, but we’re still taking it week by week, day by day. I’m hopeful that our daughter’s adjustment to daycare will go well, but I’m prepared for some regression and a lot more grieving. Again, that’s all normal, and again, it’s something I’ll probably need to remind myself of if/when it shows up.
Slowly, but surely, we’re finding that new normal, but when I think about that fact that it’s only been 2 months (less than 10 weeks, really!), I’m grateful to be where we are. And what’s really encouraging is knowing that we won’t be in this exact place ever again…each day is a new day and one day closer to forever. Because even though we’re only 2 months in, we’re in it forever.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
so much love and prayers to you and your beautiful family!!
guest
hugs to your family and this journey
blogger / pomegranate / 3044 posts
Kudos to you, mama. You’re giving her a safe place to work all this out. I think a year makes such a HUGE difference, for you and for her. Or maybe it’s just juggling two of them and/or youngest child syndrome – I find my 2nd LO to be much, much more challenging. Big hugs and love love love.
pineapple / 12234 posts
So much love to you!!! You’re an amazing person and mother
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Thinking of you!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
grapefruit / 4923 posts
much love to you all.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I love how intuitive and empathetic and just all around smart you are about all this. She’s in great hands with you!
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
hugs to you guys!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
You are such amazing parents!