Hellobee

I remember details  – the smallest thing that caught my eye or a smell or a sound during an significant event. My brain keeps snapshots of these things in my memory, that to me are stronger then recalling the big picture.

When I think back on last year at this time, I can smell the scent of the hospital hand sanitizer when we walked into the lobby of the hospital for the third day in a row. I can see the red slipper socks peeking out from under my hospital gown, and laugh about the squeak they made on the hospital floor as I walked to the operating room. And if I’m very still, I can hear exactly what my son’s heartbeat sounded like on the monitors – steady and strong just like him. 

But the actual moment I met him – I remember nothing but complete and total peace and indescribable joy.

The moment we first met.

On January first – my second baby turned one.

They say that the years fly by when you have children. When it came to my first, I would beg to differ. As much as I enjoyed my first year of motherhood, I feel like it was definitely a marathon rather then a sprint. That first birthday felt like a finish line – a triumph – we made it – we survived ( and now we get to eat cake!).

The second time around was different in so many ways. While some days were ( very ) long, there were full weeks where when I looked at the calendar, I wondered how on earth it was already over and couldn’t remember exactly what took place during those past 7 days. There was a lot of survival at the beginning, but then a new normal came into play and remembering what it was like before Lil’ Tea Pot arrived was a foggy distant memory.

This first birthday hit me harder than it did the first time around. Not because I am not looking forward to what’s to come, but because it seems like it is going so quickly. Leading up to the big day I found myself getting sentimental about the little things. Two piece pajamas for example, almost put me over the edge one night as I got my little boy ready for bed. The day of his celebration, I was on the brink of tears all day especially when I realized how “grown up” he looked in his birthday bow tie.

There is however so much to be thankful for. I am glad that I will remember the little things when it comes to this last first year. With him being the second child, I admit some of the big moments have been a little less documented than the first time around, but my little baby boy will always be  the one who can make me smile on the hardest of days with his slobbery lick kisses. He can calm down any frustration with one smell of his sweet sleeping head on my chest, and boy does he ever make me laugh when he moves and grooves to any and all music. While I may not know off the top of my head when he started crawling, I will always remember the feeling of his head on my shoulder when I sing to him before bed.

So to my peace – my indescribable joy – my little boy – happy birthday and thank you for choosing me to be your Mom.