Hellobee

I’m a SAHM and overall I find it very fulfilling. I was a nanny in Chicago for almost six years, so spending my days with children doing kid-focused activities is nothing new to me. I’m used to keeping up with the household chores, making meals, attending mommy and me classes, running errands, volunteering at schools, and playing outside. The major difference is that as a nanny I got to go home at the end of the day and as a mom, my day never ends. It just sort of blends into my night time which blends into the next day.

I firmly believe that whether you’re a working parent, a stay at home parent, or a mix of both, your job is TOUGH. As a SAHM, my time with my children can be very exciting and fun, but it can also be boring and repetitive. Case in point: every day Crumb pulls the pillows and blanket off the couch down to the floor. And every day I put them back on the couch in their respective spots. This routine happens roughly 100 times. Okay, so it doesn’t happen that often, but I will put everything back in order only to turn around and see him doing it yet again. I continue to put everything back on the couch because 1) I use the pillows as support for my back or arms while nursing and 2) I dislike stepping over them when I’m walking around. Sometimes I’m not too bothered by the repetition of it all, but sometimes I feel very frustrated.

Of course, my frustration has nothing to do with the actual pillows and blanket. It’s the monotony and exhaustion that come from doing the same thing day in and day out. It’s feeling like I’m stuck in this never-ending cycle of picking up toys, puzzle pieces, and pillows. When all you have to show for your day is a garbage full of poopy diapers and a wrecked living room, you can start to feel a bit empty.

But I have a handful of things that help me manage my time and keep me fulfilled.

1) A plan or schedule or the week: This can be as loose or as structured as you prefer. I like to have something on my calendar for each morning. Monday is library story time and a standing lunch date with my Dad (who lives nearby and works from home). Tuesday is usually meeting mama friends for a play date. Wednesday is music class, and so on. My weeks definitely change with the seasons and often times there is an open day for groceries or to lay low at home, but I find I’m at my best when I have activities to look forward to and people to meet up with. I love experiencing zoos, parks, and museums with my kids even if it means packing up and leaving the house a lot.

2) Leave the house at least once per day: Going along with my previous point, I try to take the kids somewhere each day. This ranges from a walk around the block to an excursion on the other side of the Twin Cities. The exception is when we have friends over to our house for a play date. In order to avoid feeling isolated and lonely, I try to make leaving the house a priority for us every week day. Being busy is good for my mental state, and since Mr. Cookie enjoys staying home and playing in the house and in our backyard on the weekends, they also get plenty of time to explore their own home and toys.

3) Delegate night time duties to your partner as much as possible: You know you’re a SAHM when you are jealous of your husband’s commute because it means he is alone for thirty minutes twice a day! Mr. Cookie works hard at his job all day but he also misses his kids so he’s happy to hold Chip and eat dinner later while I sit and eat with Crumb. When we only had one kiddo, Mr. Cookie would do bath and be time routine and I would occasionally veg out in front of the TV, but with two kids we usually play one-on-one defense. For us, it works to have Mr. Cookie do the majority of bedtime rituals because it allows him time to bond with the boys and it keeps me from nursing them to sleep when they are babies.

4) Utilize screen time in the afternoons: The hardest part of my day is the late afternoon time because it usually means I should be folding laundry or making dinner and Crumb is often crabby after his nap. Unfortunately, he is not the best napper and he’s up after an hour. Since late in my second pregnancy, the routine has been that I put on a show for Crumb after his nap so I can get something done, cuddle/nurse Chip, or just browse blogs on my phone. We definitely keep TV time pretty minimal but I don’t put set limits on it either. Each day is different.

5) Go somewhere alone on the weekends:  My three favorite places to go alone are Starbucks, Target, and the Mall of America. Blogging has been a hobby of mine for years now and blogging at a coffee shop by myself is my favorite way to unwind after a long week. I also like to go shopping for clothes for the boys and will sneak away to the mall about once a month. Since Chip is not taking a bottle I only have a 2-3 hour time period where I can leave but that doesn’t bother me because I know it’s temporary and I’m in no rush to have my baby grow up.

6) Surround yourself with other stay-at-home moms: I am grateful for all the friendships I have in my life, but the friends that understand my life the most are other SAHMs. I never have to explain why I feel a certain way, but if I want to explain why they just listen and nod their head. I know they get it and chances are they have similar struggles. Since I don’t work outside the home, these other mamas are the closest thing I have to colleagues.

7) Personal grooming:  What makes you feel ready to face the early mornings? For me it’s a shower and make-up. With two kids I have to take a shower before my husband leaves in the morning. We wake up with enough time for him to get ready for work and for me to have a shower. It’s refreshing and it wakes me up from my sleep-deprived haze. I put my make-up on during Chip’s first nap, but I almost always throw my hair into a pony-tail while it’s still wet. I used to blow dry it and sometimes I’d style or curl it, but after becoming a mom I had to choose make-up or hair because I only had time and energy for one.

8) “Treat Yo Self:” Any Parks and Rec fans out there? Rewards work for parents too! I drink way too many iced vanilla lattes and doughnuts and cookies(!) can be found in my kitchen with embarrassing frequency, but sometimes they are how I function with a smile on my face. This summer I’ve been enjoying a sundae cone on the days I’m lucky enough to achieve a double nap with both boys sleeping at the same time. It’s glorious.

Being a SAHM means my “job” is never done and it’s difficult to balance my personal identity with my parenting identity. But despite my grumblings, I’m very happy with my life choices. The wonderfully sweet and good moments truly outweigh any of the bad.

And even on the most stressful of days, I can’t picture being anywhere else than in my living room picking the pillows off the floor and putting them back on the couch.

For the other stay-at-home parents out there, any other tips for survival?