Hellobee

We have had exactly one peaceful car ride since Bug was born, and that was our ride home from the hospital. Maybe he was still in shock to find himself Earthside, but he made it through that 20 minute ride without a single whimper or cry. A very far tale from what would happen just two days later, when we got back in the car for our first pediatrician visit, and every single ride after that… pure chaos. This child hates the car.

My own mom likes to talk about how, as a toddler, I would only sleep in the car. She or one of her sisters would drive me around for five minutes to get me to fall asleep for naps, then carefully carry me inside to my crib. I should also mention I was not in a car seat, just on a blanket in the back seat. Different times! Maybe it was the motion or the sound of the engine, but it put me to sleep easily. I expected the same for my baby. Doesn’t everyone? We hear all the time about how much babies love cars, fall asleep instantly, and stay asleep for the entire ride. Except, that isn’t always the case. Some babies are indifferent to the car, and then there is the rare, tiniest of screamers, who will start to cry as soon as they see the car door open. No matter how many distractions you offer, how many times you stop, getting through a trip outside of the house is a huge, emotional, and upsetting undertaking.

A very typical, very sad, baby Bug in the car!

When your child hates the car…

It can be isolating. Bug hated the car so much I rarely took him out for the first six months. I got to know our grocery delivery guy extremely well! I didn’t attend parenting groups, mommy and me, music, or anything else. Our only outside time was walks in the Ergo (he wasn’t a stroller person either) or rolling around on blankets in the backyard. I felt like I had no connection to the outside world, all because my child screamed like I was torturing him anytime I put him in the car. I wondered what I was missing out on, what experiences this baby would miss while stuck inside. I felt so isolated; it was hard to relate to the other moms and friends I spoke to online who spent their days in gym and music class, took their babies to yoga, or even managed to go out to brunch. Those things just weren’t an option for us.

It can be dangerous. When we had to leave the house, for doctor’s appointments (of which he had many) or required trips, I did everything that I could to comfort him. I would often drive with one hand while using the other to gently stroke his face or hold his hand. I was constantly looking into my mirror to see just how bad he had worked himself up, if his face was bright red yet, or if he was about to vomit from crying so hard. I would offer him toys, bottles, even my phone, anything that might placate him for a moment, but all of that really was a distraction for me as a driver. If possible, we would have my husband come along for our outings, but he just wasn’t able to take time off work for our sometimes twice weekly doctors visits, so I simply had to muddle through with my red faced, angry child.

It can be scary. I started to wonder if there was something physically wrong that was causing my baby pain while he was in his seat. I had gone over the seat a dozen times and there was nothing pokey or sharp, but could his body hurt when in that position? His pediatrician just said he was “very alert.” We finally took him to a chiropractor who adjusted him, but who thought that maybe his reflux was causing pain while in the recline. This made sense because he was also a stomach sleeper, and he was just not able to sleep on his back due to his reflux and airway issues. At three months old we started a reflux medication, but it made no difference in the car at all. Still angry. Still crying. And this mama was still worried.

A rare sleeping in the car Bug, this has happened less than 5 times!

However… these days we do manage to get out of the house every day. It does get easier, and it has improved quite a bit since we are able to communicate with each other. I wish I could say that now, at two years old, Bug has entirely outgrown his hatred for the car, but it simply isn’t true. Getting him into his seat is still a daily struggle. On more than one occasion I have lost the battle and just stayed home, rather than dealing with his screaming. Luckily, there are a few things that help him on most days. We keep a large basket of toys under the backseat, and now that he is old enough to really play, he can be distracted for a few minutes at a time. We use the iPad for car rides, a lot. He also like to draw pictures with a pen and paper or his magnetic writing board. Sometimes I give him an old iPhone and he likes just playing with the buttons. A cup of juice can work wonders these days, and I’ve even used the promise of a mini m&m on days that I am desperate. Whatever gets us through, and leaves me with hope that one day we can all enjoy a family road trip together!

How does your child do in the car? I would love to hear any tricks you have to keep car rides happy and safe for everyone!