Hellobee

My husband and I have been at home for four months together. In the winter. In Canada. With a newborn. Yes, it’s been as crazy as you would imagine.

As we prepared for this lovely/crazy time of our lives, we didn’t really know what to expect. We each had a picture in our mind of how things would go, and as I’m sure you can imagine, neither of us knew what it would look like in the end. For me, I was mostly terrified. I didn’t know how I would manage my business at home with a newborn, and I thought I was going to be back to full-time hours at two months. For Mr. M, he was fairly confident and excited. He was going to get projects around the house done. He was going to love the winter off with our baby.

In the end, I built it up to a level of fear that the reality wasn’t so bad. I am not able to work as much as I had originally anticipated, however, I am maintaining Monday-Friday hours, just probably more in the realm of 4-6 hours per day. Mr. M probably should have prepared himself a bit more for how much his world would be turned upside down. He came from working outside all day every day all over the place to being at home all day. It was an extreme change of pace that is taking some getting used to.

I am feeling spread thin. During the week I feel like I’m working and feeding the baby. Then, after work is completed for the day, I spend time with the baby. And once our night owl treating bedtime like a nap baby finally goes to bed, I stay up too late to get some down time, regret it every single night and then start the cycle over again. I’m trying to maintain balance for my many roles: as a mother, as a wife, as a business owner and little ol’ me. As time progresses, we’re getting there and I’m finding more pockets of time for myself.

Mr. M has cabin fever. It’s been cold and we’re kind of limited in our small town where he can go with the baby in a small window of time (I admittedly suck at pumping). I’m busy with work and he’s usually at home dealing with the naps, baby entertainment and keeping the house in some semblance of an order. We’re working on getting time at least once a week where he can disappear into the forest with his camera. It’s something we’re navigating and figuring out still, but something tells me as soon as we do, it’ll be time for Mr. M to return to work.

So, in reflection here’s what we’ve learned from having two of us at home.

The perks

We’ve both been there for all of the milestones. We’ve seen it all from hand discovery, rolling over, babbling, laughter, and smiles.

Feet are all the rage these days

We have on par relationships with our son. It’s been a bonding experience for all of us, and we’ve really enjoyed the opportunity to establish our family in this way. Usually, babies are very connected to their mothers in the beginning, however, because Mr. M is always here, he’s with W just as much as me.

There is always an adult present. We have each other to talk to, and we’re not stuck in baby world alone.

We can tag-team in difficult moments. When one of us loses patience, the other can step in. When we need to strategize, the other person is there to discuss.

I could return to work early. I couldn’t have returned to work this early had my husband not been able to stay home. I do have the best of both worlds, being able to maintain my business, while being at home with my son and being able to continue to breastfeed throughout the day and be part of his entire day.

The downfalls

We’re always on. My cousin recently pointed out something neither of us had realized yet. We’re always on. When one parent exits the home for work and the other is with the baby, when the other returns, the other gets a bit of break. When you’re both home all day, you’re always on in some shape or form.

This photo is raw and one of my favourites. W was in major four-month regression and napping was an absolute nightmare. When he wouldn’t go down for my husband and was screaming for too long, I tried to calm him by feeding him, and he fell asleep instantly. I abandoned my work that afternoon and I sat under him while we reflected on this crazy parenting experience thus far. I’ll never forget this moment and these tough days.

Winter can be tough. I am not really a huge fan of the whole winter baby thing to be honest. We’re stuck inside a lot. When it is too cold to take your baby outside, you can feel sort of trapped. We make efforts to get out, but it’s to indoor settings, and well, that doesn’t exactly help our desire to get outside. Pair that with the fact that I was pregnant during the hottest summer I’ve ever experienced, I am desperately looking forward to Spring.

Guilt. We both feel bad for each other a lot. I feel bad that I’m not contributing enough. Often I only have enough time in my day to work and keep the baby alive (i.e., feeding him). Mr. M is pulling a majority of the weight around the house, and I feel bad about that. It’s getting better, but still tough. Mr. M feels guilty that I am just working and mom-ing.

Working from home with a baby can be difficult. Work from home parents can likely relate to this. If your baby is having a tough day it can be harder to concentrate on your work. Listening to your baby struggle in the other room and doing your work at the same time takes serious skills. I’ve had to put headphones in with very loud music at times just to be able to do a poor job at the task I’m working on. Thankfully my colleagues are all very supportive, understanding and always happy to have W join in our video conferences.

What I would have done differently 

Pushing for independence sooner. While our time together has been super amazing, it took each of us a bit more time to gain confidence in going out alone with the baby because we were always together at first. When you have no other choice, you get the groove of venturing out with a baby easier. I wish we would have each pushed ourselves to venture out alone with W more often much sooner.

Worry less and enjoy more. I can imagine this is the reflection of most first-time parents and the joy of subsequent children. You know how fleeting time is. You know how much you truly need to soak it in. I think I’ve done a pretty good job, but it’s still gone by far faster than I ever imagined it would.

The reality of our situation is while it has had some challenges and downfalls, I would never trade this time we’ve had together. I know that we will forever look back on it as sacred and special. I will miss the long winter days together with a snuggly newborn when we were dreaming to get outside. I will miss jumping off teleconference calls to go feed the baby, even though it hurt. I will miss listening to story time in the other room while I try and focus on a report. It’s been nothing what we expected, but everything we needed.