Hellobee

Ha! Yes – I’ve been married for 7 years, and my married name still doesn’t completely feel like my name. I guess I had my maiden name for 29 years, so maybe in another 22 years my married name will feel like mine?

I hyphenated mine because I was really tied to my maiden last name but wanted my husband’s name to be a part of mine. TBH, I wish I hadn’t done it. There is so little respect for hyphenation, I basically always get one name or the other dropped (usually my maiden name) and my husband’s name, which is also very ethnic and different from my ethnicity, just doesn’t feel right. In hindsight I should have just kept my name as is. I might change it back at some point – my husband is totally agnostic on this matter – but going through the process has not been a priority.

This was quite a lengthy discussion between DH and I. It ended with him keeping his last name, me hyphening my last name, and us using my hyphenated name as our family name. It took me a while to change everything and it was only now (7 years later!) that I finally updated my passport!

I took my husbands name. Early 20s at our wedding and different ethnicities too. I put my last name in my middle though.

I changed my name. It was a tough decision. I went through law school and established myself professionally with my maiden name.

I was surprised at how much shock and barely veiled disapproval I received from colleagues. I made my maiden name my middle name and I use the full name in all email signatures etc so I dont feel as though I ‘lost’ it.

I thought A LOT about whether or not to change my name when we got married. I am also a research scientist, and I was 31 when we got married and yet (relatively) early in my career. I wanted to keep my maiden name for work and all of my publications, which would need to be tied to grants, and I didn’t want to “lose” my pub record.
BUT, I really wanted us to have one name as a family. And my husband’s last name is long, so I didn’t want to use a hyphenated last name on a daily basis.
To complicate matters, my new employer (a large academic institution) could not handle me using one name professionally and having a different legal name. My boss told me about her YEARS of ongoing drama of getting them to stop including her husband’s name on class registers, directories and email addresses.
I was stressing, and leaning towards not changing my name officially but using my husband’s last name informally, and the deadline to get our marriage license was quickly approaching. Finally, my future MIL asked why I was stressing and told me “just don’t change it now. your career is much more important. I have plenty of friends who changed it later” so, oddly enough, that made me feel a little better, and I didn’t change my name when we married.

Three years later, I changed jobs, and after speaking with my new HR department, decided to legally hyphenate, but use my maiden name professionally and my husband’s name in my personal life. HR recommended hyphenating rather than just having 2 last names because it’s easy to “lose” one or the other in translation and in documents.
The process to change it after marriage is a pain – and expensive! It cost me about $200 and I had to go to court to say why I wanted to change my name. But I’m glad it’s finally done, for a host of reasons. It’s not perfect, some doctor’s offices still get confused about which last name to alphabetize under, and I still have legal documents and 1 credit card with my maiden name on it, but I’m not going to bother changing them. At the end of the day, it just feels right to me to have both names.

Changing my name was an easy decision for me. I had always planned to have the same last name as my husband and future kids. Most of it had to do with being called the correct name. Lots of friend’s mom’s growing up kept their maiden names or hyphenated their names and it was annoying to have to remember their name since it was different from my friends’. The other bigger reason was I wanted people to know without a doubt my kids were born in wedlock.

I was happy to change my name. I like the heritage behind both my surname and my husbands last name. The only part that’s a bit strange is my husband is adopted so the name blood wise has no relation to us or our children.

I changed mine but wish I had kept it as my middle name, while also keeping my middle name (so first name, middle name, maiden name, last name). I went from having a very uncommon last name to O’Connor, and we live in an area that is heavily Irish Catholic so I’m lost among the masses here. I’d love to change it but it seems like such a pain. I wish I had put more thought into it ahead of time.

I didn’t change mine and it was never really a big discussion or issue. My last name is Italian and fairly uncommon so it was something I felt partly defined me and I didn’t want to lose it. Sometimes I’ll use my husband’s last name on forms relating to the kids or add it to my name but in general I just go by my name and it hasn’t been a problem.

I didn’t change mine, honestly I never even considered it. It’s my name and I didn’t see a reason to change it. My mom and I have different last names and it’s never been a problem. DD has my last name as her middle and DH’s last as her last. We will do the same if we have another.

I changed my name. I had an awkward, slightly embarassing maiden name that was ridiculed my whole life and now I have a short, easy to pronounce last name! WIN! But I did get a little sad to lose the goofy name.

I never considered changing my last name. My husband and I briefly discussed it. He said he wasn’t interested in changing his name either, so he didn’t see any reason why I should want to do it. We did debate what name our kids should get and never really resolved it, but somehow the kids ended up with my husband’s name. I don’t feel any disconnection from them because of it.

I got married the first time at 23. I assumed I would not change my name but my husband made such a fuss that I changed it because it was so important to him. But he had a long, unpleasant name and I never liked it and immediately went back to my maiden name when we divorced. I got married again at 34 and my second husband has a perfectly pleasant last name but I was adamant that I was keeping my maiden name this time and he did not object. Meanwhile my older son has my first husband’s last name and my younger son has my second husband’s last name and I have my own last name. It can cause minor annoyances at the doctors office and stuff like that, but no major issues and I don’t feel like it really matters if we all have different last names.

I hyphenated, but socially I go only by my husband’s name, which is Irish. Best part is that he’s Korean and was adopted into an Irish family, so it’s great to show up places as the Asian family with a very Irish last name lol

I couldn’t wait to change my last name, honestly! My husband wanted me to change my last name but was surprised I was so eager to do it. My mother gave me her last name when I was born, but my dad always pressured me to change my last name to his or to hyphenate it later on in life. His parents didn’t know that I had my mother’s last name so it was always this big secret and I hated that pressure. My parents divorced when I was 6, so it always seemed to be a slight against my dad, but if I’d changed it, it would have offended my mother. I didn’t want my kids to ever feel that way, so I was adamant I would change my last name when I married (despite having publications under my maiden name). My mother, btw, HATES the fact that I changed my last name and basically refused to recognize it until I had kids (and even then, only grudgingly).

ETA: People always made mistakes with my maiden name, which is another reason I was eager to change it. It’s an ethnic name that is uncommon, but change one letter and it becomes a VERY common ethnic last name.

I kept my name. Our son has both of our names incorporated into his!

@Run2shore: Agree. That happens at my firm too.

Thank you for all your comments! It is so interesting to hear everyone’s unique experience changing or not changing their names.

I changed my name but kept my email address with my maiden name because I couldn’t get one that was simply my first name and married last name. It has never been a big deal.

Not sure where in the city you live, our favorite brunch-with-little-ones hack is the Whole Foods on Kingsbury. They have lots of seating in the front or upstairs. You can get food from the salad/breakfast bars, or order standards from the place that makes burgers. Not too expensive, healthy options, and the breakfast bar makes it easy to get bits and pieces of random stuff for toddlers who are picky/don’t need a whole plate. It hits a sweet spot of being easy/noncommital, while still sitting at a table with the option of getting a bloody mary Obviously the Lincoln Park one is enormous so not sure how the options compare at others.

My husband took my name. He grew up in an abusive household and didn’t want our children to carry on the name of a family that wasn’t kind to him.

I kept my name. A year and a half after we married, my husband changed his name and took my last name. His first name is virtually unpronounceable, and he decided that while changing it, he might as well change the last name too so we could share a family name.

The last couple years, I’ve met a few men who’ve done this. It’s refreshing.

My husband and I were excited to share a last name, it felt to us like part of becoming a family. We decided to both hyphenate. People ask us what our kids will do if they marry someone with a hyphenated last name, and I say, let them decide! We considered making up a new, prettier last name, but we’re both close to our families. The only real downside is that, as one very blunt friend put it, we sound like a muppet.

I did change my last name. There was no question for me. I was in the middle of grad school though and my only concern was any published papers with my maiden name. However, I got really really really sick and had to drop out of grad school so I never really got any papers published, so it became a non issue. I love my husband’s last name and I love sharing it with him.

I didn’t think about it too much! I just wanted us to all share a name, like a team. We all have a Japanese last name and gave the kids western first names (that phonetically work in Japanese too.)

Nope, I kept mine. My mom kept her name, so that is what I was used to. I never wanted to change mine, and my husband was 100 percent on board. It would have been a major issue for me if he wasn’t. We discussed which name to give our son and ultimately decided on my husband’s. It made me happy that we considered both, though.

@Iced Tea: Love it! I think my husband would have considered changing his to mine, but we’re both cool with having our own. I’m just happy to hear so many men these days don’t assume their wives should or need to change their names.

I kept my name. There are a lot of cultures where women don’t change their names, including my husband’s (Moroccan).

I kept my name. I never once considered it. I love my name. We hyphenated our daughters names with my last name-husband’s last name. The feminist side in me gets really pissed off women are still the one’s to give up their last names when they marry to take their husband’s name. There is no legitimate reason why the woman should change her name. A man can just as easily change his name so why doesn’t it happen more often?