I didn’t think about teaching natural consequences until my eldest son was around four or five years old. Until then I was protecting him from natural consequences. I was making sure he had his coat so he didn’t get cold, rushing him so he wasn’t late, carrying his dishes so they didn’t break. But there came a time when I realised that the lesson is often best learnt through natural consequences.
Natural consequences teach children consequences for their own actions – positive and negative! No punishment and often no explaining is needed; the consequences are there in front of them. We know children don’t learn by being told what to do. Children learn best through doing, through real life experiences.
Natural consequences are the inevitable result of the child’s actions. Allowing children to experience the natural consequence of their actions is a way to teach responsibility and considered decision making. When children are allowed to make choices, they learn responsibility and how to best behave.
If the child chooses unwisely, they experience the consequence of their choice, and the lessons they learn are powerful and can be more powerful than any words or warning we may have given them. Natural consequences can be a strong teaching tool.
- Drop a glass and it will break.
- Forget your coat and you will get cold.
- Leave the playdough out and it will dry up.
- Forget your water bottle you will get thirsty.
- Forget your goggles and your eyes will get sore at swimming.
- Don’t water your plant and it will wither and die.
- Don’t get ready on time and you will be late.
- Don’t eat breakfast and you will be hungry.
- Leave the ice cream out on the bench and it will melt.
- Leave toys out in the rain and they will get ruined.
- Be mean or disrespectful to a friend and they won’t want to play with you.
- Stay up late and you will be tired the next morning.
There are some wonderful natural consequences that we forget about. All the positive things we do are reinforced by natural consequences. We water a plant and it grows, we take a coat and we are warm, we return books to the library and we can borrow more.
Natural consequences also allow for children to manage and cope with consequences, to build resilience. It teaches children age appropriate life skills! It encourages children to be organised and look after their own belongings; this is particularly important for school age children. Natural consequences are mostly predictable and can allow children to trust the world, much more so than arbitrary punishments.
Not all situations lend themselves to being taught by natural consequences and age appropriateness is important. There is still a need to protect our children from harm. Where possible I don’t allow my kids to get really cold or go thirsty. I wouldn’t allow my children to forget to take lunch to school. I wouldn’t allow my child to forget to apply sunscreen knowing they would get burnt. Safety always comes first and we always consider the impact our actions have on others.
Some actions do not have consequences that are immediately obvious and some actions don’t even have a natural consequence. It is my ultimate aim is to have children that will do the right thing, not because they will be punished if they don’t but because they know the consequences.
Do you use natural consequences at home? Sometimes it seems like the harsh way to teach a lesson and in our home it really depends on the age of the child and the situation but it is something we almost always consider.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
definitely a big believer in this!
apricot / 317 posts
Amen! My older son (age 6) has also learned these lessons and so many more…and although he’s not forgotten his goggles for swimming he *has* forgotten his clothing to change into after swim team. The lesson was learned on the first try. We use much gentler natural consequences for our younger son (age 2), like if a cookie falls on the floor (or gets thrown
) then it’s “all gone”.
nectarine / 2436 posts
In theory this sounds like a good idea but developmentally, young children don’t have sophisticated rational processing skills and their emotions are stronger than their decision making abilities. Maybe I would do this once my kid was 5 or so?
And also, let’s not forget who really gets inconvenienced: the parents who have to deal with the hungry, cold, frustrated child who wasn’t capable of thinking like an adult.
olive / 58 posts
@pachamama: Yes, the parents are in the best place to judge what is most appropriate for their child. Don’t underestimate your little ones though, you might see some age appropriate learning in your home.