So I had this elaborate and typical Mrs. Cookie intro paragraph written out but I’ve decided to not use it. I’m just going to cut to the chase and be real with you guys. I’m mean to my husband sometimes for no good reason. There, I said it. I remember the first time I admitted this to my new mama class after having Crumb and everyone else in the room just chuckled nervously and then stared at me and I felt like the worst person ever. How come no one chimed in to say, “ME TOO!!”  I refuse to believe I’m the only person who gets mad at their spouse for no reason. Yet, it feels so taboo to admit to it. Those first few months of motherhood and fatherhood were really tough on our marriage. We had to figure out how to communicate on less sleep and under more stress. But we made it through and our marriage is definitely stronger now. We are on the same page regarding raising our children and we are a team at all times.

But parenting is always full of new struggles and stressors (potty training, I’m looking at you!), and when it’s that time of the month or my kids are driving me especially crazy, I still take things out on my hubby once in a while. I’m a passionate person and I experience both joy and anger intensely. I also grew up seeing that disagreeing was a healthy part of marriage. While my husband would prefer I kept some things to myself, I am a big fan of communication. In my mind, fighting about dumb things is infinitely better than fighting about your values and goals. Mr. Cookie and I completely agree on the ideals that are most important in life and for that I’m very grateful.

Photo by Annie Wiegers Photography
Photo by Annie Wiegers Photography

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Back to our stupid fight. Personally, I find when a blogger shares something juicy in a really vague way, I’m always left wondering, what is an example of that? I want to know more! So I’m going to share just one example of me being an idiot with you guys, and who knows, maybe one of you can relate to it? (Please tell me I’m not alone.) Recently, I got irrationally angry because Mr. Cookie came home from work slightly later than we’d anticipated and because of that he had no time to mow the lawn before we were going to an outdoor concert with the boys and my parents. It was a Friday (which is always my burnt out day), and I had assumed the mowing would be done before our weekend started. My frustration turned into an argument of comparison about who is with the kids more because all I could think of was how much I needed a break and how Mr. Cookie was going to escape to the backyard to mow on Saturday, all by himself. His point, and a very valid one, is that mowing is not a relaxing escape, it’s just different work! And if I didn’t hate mowing so much, I could do that and he’d watch the kids gladly. This all led to an argument about who’s life is more exhausting and of course we reached the obvious conclusion that our lives are both difficult at times but one is not more difficult than the other.

I actually believe Mr. Cookie and I do a great job of parenting together and splitting household duties. I’d say we are a bit more traditional in that I care for the children, do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and other kid related things. Mr. Cookie provides monetarily for the household, he does all the yard work, and takes care of our bills and finances. With one work-out-of-the-home parent and one stay-at-home parent, the weekends are a bit tough for us to manage. We want to spend time together as a family of four but for my sanity, I need to have a couple hours break from the 24/7 childcare that is my life. I don’t need a ton of time to recharge, but I do need some. On the other hand, Mr. Cookie is working two jobs, one as a software engineer outside of the home and one as a father inside the home. What about his time away? He should get breaks too, and he does, but not as often, mostly because he prefers to stay home on the weekends. The one thing we don’t get to do enough is get out of the house just the two of us, but that is normal for this season of life. Thank goodness for the early bedtime because at least we can have our evenings to connect and recharge.

In conclusion, I wish I could be a wonderful, happy, and patient wife and mother all of the time but I am far from perfect. I yell, I pick fights, and I make mistakes. I especially hate playing the comparison game with my husband. Just like I have to remember that someone’s Facebook or Instagram life is not their real life, I need to remember that there is nothing to gain in keeping score with my partner. We both give 100% to our little family and all of our contributions are valuable.

OK, who else is guilty of this comparison game?  Come, let’s commiserate.