Hellobee

Most of my friends have 3 kids, and they all seemed to have taken to this whole parenting thing in much more stride than I did. Were their kids just easier than mine? I don’t think so. I think I had a lot of anxiety and depression, was tough on myself, and being a mom just didn’t seem to come as naturally for me. Plus I wasn’t a big fan of the baby stage; parenting became much easier for me once they were walking and talking. Now that my kids are 5 1/2 and 7 1/2, I can say that this has been the best and easiest year yet.

These were the hardest and best parts of each stage over the past 7 years:

Charlie: Birth-5 Months

The adrenaline kept me going for a long time after birth, and I was able to summon a lot of strength and energy even after a c-section. In the beginning babies sleep so much that the main difficulty came from the steep learning curve of being a new parent, especially breastfeeding. Then Charlie’s sleep really started deteriorating around the 3-month mark and the 4-month sleep regression hit us hard. Sleep training was one of the hardest things I had to do! But it was oh so worth it.

6 Months-2 Years

After sleep training Charlie slept through the night and went down for all his naps easily. The only problem was that he was an early riser, usually waking up at 5am. At 6 months I found it difficult to entertain a baby that was awake for longer and longer periods of time, especially when he was such an early riser. For the most part this era didn’t have any major difficulties. I call the 15 months+ “the golden era” because he was walking, talking (learning new words every day), and it was so much fun.

2-3 Years

The main challenge was bedtime battles after we transitioned from a crib to a toddler bed once Charlie started climbing out of his crib shortly after he turned 2. We pretty much had to stay with him every night until he fell asleep and there were so many bedtime shenanigans, sometimes for hours! But once he was asleep he slept through the night and naps were always easy. We never really had Terrible Twos and potty training was also very easy.

3-5 Years

It’s like something switched once Charlie turned three and he became a full-on melting down, tantrum throwing threenager. He would hit, throw things, scream, and from the age of three was obsessed with death and dying. In those years I wondered if something was seriously wrong with him and googled it often. One of his main issues seemed to come from impatience and not being able to regulate his desires. He would have 100% failed the marshmallow test. When he really wanted something or couldn’t get his way, he would get so angry that sometimes it was scary. It was very difficult for him to “snap out of it” and we often used distraction as a tool (going on a walk, playing a short video, etc.). We used to call him Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, so extreme were his moods. I thought about having him tested for ADHD when he was older because he was too young to be tested at the time. The frequency of his meltdowns improved once he turned 5, but he would still have explosive anger pretty regularly, and then the defiance and not listening was in full force. Of course there were many good moments too, but those were tough years.

6-7 Years

We moved to the Philippines a month before Charlie turned 6. Though they didn’t happen as frequently here, Charlie still had regular meltdowns, but with less triggers here, they started to improve. And pretty much since he turned 7 he has completely stopped having any meltdowns. Maybe it’s because he’s older and better knows how to control his emotions. Maybe it’s because life is much less stressful here and he spends so much time in nature. Maybe Olive’s laid back and patient personality has had a positive influence on him. He still struggles with impatience, but it doesn’t result in a meltdown… it results him in constantly pestering us! For example I bought a new book on the Kindle 2 weeks ago but told him we couldn’t read it until bedtime, which was 2 hours away. He wanted to read the book so badly he said that he was tired right then and there and wanted to go to sleep. I think he would still fail the marshmallow test. But he has mellowed out so much, and I think those challenging years from 3-6 are finally gone.

Olive: Birth-16 Months

Even though Olive didn’t sleep through the night until 16 months when we finally sleep trained, in many ways she was much easier than Charlie. I coslept and breastfed (which I didn’t do with Charlie) so I was able to make it through all the night wakings. And she was and continues to be the sleepiest child ever. She has also always been very independent, being able to entertain herself for very long stretches even as an infant.

16 Months – 2 Years

Olive started Early Intervention at 16 months so we worried about her a lot in the beginning. Because of her lack of communication skills, she also started throwing tantrums much earlier than Charlie. Looking back now they were relatively short-lived, but there was a period when they were intense and happening multiple times a day. We also had bedtime battles around the same age with Olive as we did with Charlie.

3-5 Years

Once Olive hit 3 and could speak much better, she and Charlie became extremely close. They spent so much time playing with each other, it started becoming easier to parent and it was so wonderful to watch their close bond develop. She would throw some big tantrums out of defiance from 4-5, but they were usually pretty rare. And now that she’s 5 1/2, she seems to have outgrown them. She’s also always been very patient (she would totally pass the marshmallow test), and having an opposite personality to Charlie, they really complement each other.

Charlie and Olive

So why has 5 and 7 been the best and easiest year ever?

– Both kids know how to read so they are happy to read independently for hours every day.

– They are truly best friends. They play so well together, very rarely fight and share everything.

– No more tantrums or meltdowns!

– They listen better. I still have to ask them to do things like brush their teeth and clean their room about a million times a day, but they are much better at listening and helping out.

– We enjoy traveling together. Having a common passion is not only fun, but so bonding. And because they are older, they have as much stamina as I do!

– They get more and more independent and I have to do less and less things for them.

– Even though they are increasingly independent, they’re still super affectionate and love spending time with us.

I don’t know how long this golden era will last, but by living on an island instead of the States I hope we’ll be able to extend their childhood just a little bit longer.

Are you in a tough stage or an easy stage right now with your little ones?