It’s hard to put into words what a miscarriage feels like as it’s such a solitary feeling in many ways. Most miscarriages happen very early on in a pregnancy that no one can really understand the loss; it’s not visible and most people don’t talk about it, so I feel like it’s a very isolating event.
In 2007, long before Drake or Juliet, before I was ever ready to be a mom, I got pregnant and miscarried within two weeks’ time. There isn’t a day that passes where I still don’t think back about those moments — what life would be like if “Peanut” had been born, and everything else in between. I thought I would share my story and how it led me to where I am today.
We bought a condo just before got married in August 2006, and a couple months later in December I noticed that my period was 4 days late. I have had a very obnoxious period since I was young – obnoxious in its frequency and long length. My period is shorter than the average 28 day cycle, usually 24-26 days, meaning I sometimes get lucky with 13 periods in one year (yay me!). Whenever my period was off it came sooner and never later, so to have my period be 4 days late was unimaginable.
I remember getting increasingly worried as the days went by. Mr. Chocolate was not at all fazed. We were using protection at the time and he figured I had miscounted, or maybe this month was just unusual since my period was so wonky as it was. When it was 6 days late, I didn’t know what to think. I remember that night I was laying in bed watching TV in our bedroom when Mr. Chocolate came in to use the bathroom. I had taken a Benadryl for my allergies which would knock me out once it took effect. Mr. Chocolate asked about my period again, which got me upset and worried and led to a fight where he said I was overreacting and I accused him of under reacting. After getting so upset with his nonchalance, I said, “I’m going to get a pregnancy test to prove it to you,” and stormed out of the house to the nearby CVS.