Hellobee

A changeing Identity Part Three: To preschool and beyond.

After surviving the “new mom era,” I have felt like I have been in this slow transition to a new me and it comes from changes in our family dynamic.  It’s nothing like the unending feeling of being lost that I felt with infertility. It’s not this overnight colossal change that being a new mom brought with it. Instead it has been developing slowly since around the time my twins turned one.

As a mom I know that many changes in me are a result of milestones that my kids meet. When my twins learned to walk at 8 months and I was chasing three little boys with things to do and trouble to get into, I had to learn how to manage them in public (which including becoming a much more patient and relaxed person).  I stopped nursing them at 1 year, which all of a sudden gave me way more freedom with my time. The older they got the more they were able to entertain themselves and I could run to the bathroom from time to time, although it usually resulted in them jumping off the furniture by the time I got back (again a test of patience). I also became more confident in my abilities to handle three boys. This was huge for me to be able to say, “Kids are happy, husband is happy, things are going great!”

We even added another child into our family and it didn’t change everything as dramatically as those first few years with the boys. There were some changes. The day she was born, I became a mother of four. I wasn’t the one with all the babies any more. I became “the one with the three boys and the little girl.” But this new title and identity wasn’t as difficult for me to transition to. I already knew how to be a parent to a large family. It was just a slightly bigger now. I had been a mom for almost three years. I was used to being tired (what are a few more months of night time feedings). I was used to being at home with no time to myself (I never thought going to the bathroom by myself would be a luxury but truly it is).  I was used to being greatly outnumbered during the day while Mr. Train was working (now I did all the same things but I did it with a baby strapped to my chest).

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Wohm Pumping Essentials

As a WOHM, these are my pumping essentials!

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A Shift.

When my husband and I found out we could not have biological children, we were devastated. It felt like the absolute worst thing we could ever hear and was a crushing blow to our identities. For years, since I was a child myself,  all I wanted was to be a mother and I ached to be able to grow my child in my womb. Knowing this wasn’t ever going to happen sent me into quite a dark place; quite possibly the darkest place I’ve ever been.

After grieving for some time, we moved forward with our adoption process. Adoption was something we had always wanted, but if I’m completely honest, it was something we wanted after having biological children. It wasn’t necessarily a plan B, per se; it was more of a happy addendum to our original plan. However, once our original plan (and you know what they say about plans) went out the window, our addendum became our main agenda.

The adoption journey in and of itself was an often difficult one, with its ups and downs, twists and turns. But in the end, it ended with our beautiful, beautiful son in our arms. And once he was there, the darkness faded and we began to feel a shift.

It was love at first sight with our son, and that love continued to grow deeper and deeper. Each day we marveled at the fact that we were the lucky ones that got to be his parents. The more we got to know our little guy, the more we knew that we were incredibly blessed to call him our own.

Most days we still look at our son in disbelief that he is ours and in disbelief that we could love someone so much. I can’t imagine loving another child, biological or not, any more than I love my son… I can’t even begin to fathom how I could.

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Easter Eggs Without Candy

Last year we didn’t do much for Easter – we took Miss H to see the Easter Bunny and I bought an Easter basket from the $1 aisle at Target, which I filled with a few new books. It was cute and worked out perfectly for our almost-1-year-old.

This year, Miss H will be just turning 2 and old enough to get excited about celebrating the non-religious side of Easter: a bunny! A basket filled with goodies! An egg hunt! Exciting stuff for a little one. I upgraded her Easter basket to a nicer one that should hold up well over the years, and have bought some fun stuff to put in it: a new book, sunglasses, bunny ears, and a new sunhat. She’ll love all of it and I can’t wait for the, umm, Easter bunny to give it to her! But I also wanted to incorporate a little Easter egg hunt for her around our house for Easter morning. I know she’ll get a kick out of looking for the eggs and putting them in her basket! I’m really looking forward to it.

So while I was at Target a couple of weeks ago, I picked up this cute set of fillable eggs (it’s much cuter in person!).

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Our Ever Changing Family

Shortly after we adopted Isaiah, word got out that we’re good people who love kids, and we were approached by other birth moms who wanted to secure a safe and loving home to place their child in. We decided early on that we would never say no to a baby who needed a home, so we told the birth moms that we were interested. Ultimately they all decided to not place their child with us, and instead made the decision to parent.

Lately, we’ve gotten a lot of questions about when Isaiah will get to be a big brother. The answer is always the same. We aren’t pursuing another adoption right now, but our file is always current, and we will welcome any child who needs us. So in keeping with our word, we recently accepted a foster care placement of an infant boy.

You know how I love to share photos of Isaiah, so I hope you can understand this. I won’t be sharing photos of the newest member of our family. While he’s in our home, he is our family, but the fact remains that legally he isn’t, so I won’t be posting about him specifically.

This does not mean that he means any less to us than Isaiah. This means that we’re protecting him, and respecting him and the court system by not discussing his case outside of the legal system. While he is in our home, he will be treated the same as Isaiah.We aren’t treating his case as anything other than what it is. He is welcome in our home as long as he is placed here, no matter the length of time.

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Tantrum Threes

Since Drake turned three, we have been stuck in what I call the tantrum threes. When Drake turned two, everyone said that the twos would be horrible, but I’ll be honest and say I thought two was pretty easy, especially now that we are in the threes.

 Displeasure is starting

From eighteen months to about two and a half is what I always considered the sweet spot of babyhood. Babies can walk and talk and they are starting to develop a personality. It’s amazing to watch unfold, but they haven’t quite developed the total idea of independence and defiance. At around two and a half I felt that Drake suddenly learned that he didn’t always have to do what Mr. Chocolate and I wanted and started to test some of those boundaries.

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Staying Spontaneous – My Secret Weapon – Toddler Edition

In our family, spring signals the start of our warm weather adventures! Last summer I published this post about how we stored certain items in our trunk so that we were more easily able to jump in the car and head off for adventure without having to worry about forgetting something.

Now that Little Lion is officially a toddler, eating “real” food instead of breast milk or formula, and loves to run and play, our needs have changed in this department. I thought an update was in order. :)

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