Back when we were in the thick of our infertility and even after we started our adoption process, the question I dreaded most was, “When are you having kids?” It was like a stab in the heart. Every. Time. I know the question is well-meaning and innocent on the part of the asker, but when what you’d want more than anything else in the world is to be able to have a child, that innocent question becomes a painful reminder that you can’t. At least not yet.
We have been in the process for our second adoption for over two years now. Yes, we know who our sweet daughter is now, but we will still need to wait up to another year until she is able to come home. So, while we might technically have a daughter, it’s hard to explain our situation to others who don’t really know us or how the process works.
And now, with Lil’ CB at 4, almost 5, and heading into Kindergarten, the questions that are currently driving me crazy are, “So, is he your only one?” followed by “When are you going to give him a sibling?” or “Aren’t you going to have more?” or some variation of the like. The worst is when they ask Lil’ CB, “Don’t you want a little brother or sister? Ask your mom and dad for one!” That one makes me want to punch that person in the face. (I swear, I’m normally a very non-violent person!)
Sure, I could say that we are in process with our second adoption and that our little girl is waiting in Korea, but most of the time, these questions are from strangers and almost all of the time, I don’t want to launch into our family history or worse, my reproductive status, with a complete stranger.
Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely proud and grateful that our family was formed through adoption and am happy to talk about it with anyone who is genuinely interested, but again, with a stranger, I just don’t want to (or need to) go there. Plus, as Lil’ CB gets older, I want him to know that his story is his story as his sister’s is hers. And I want to help be protective of those stories until my children are old enough to share on their own with others the parts they are comfortable sharing.