Several months after Missus Scooter and I met and began a serious relationship in 2007, we found ourselves talking about children. One of the reasons why we ‘work’ is we have always more or less been on the same page. Back in those early days, we both felt that kids were inevitable but we were in no hurry and neither of us felt a huge calling to motherhood. But we did talk about how we would go about becoming pregnant when the time came. We both agreed we didn’t want the donor to “involved” as a parental figure – that was our role. But that’s basically where the similarities ended.
Back in the Day, Circa 2007
Missus Scooter had a very strong opinion that the donor should be someone we knew; someone we could look in the eye, assess his character, and not just look at statistics written on a page. A lot of “weird” people probably look fantastic on paper: 6’2”, blonde hair, athletic. Great! Oh but he won’t look you in the eye, his nose drips, and he talks to aliens. Uh oh! It was hard to disagree with her logic.
But I had my own completely opposite strong opinion on the matter: the donor had to be anonymous. The likelihood of someone we already knew whom was willing to donate with “no strings attached” seemed very low (in fact, we couldn’t think of anyone at the time). And the idea of searching for someone to meet just for the purpose of being a donor seemed awkward. How would you even do this? <Insert bad Craigslist story here>. The worst-case scenario was that at some point, the donor (and/or his significant other) would change his mind about being involved with the child. Whether legally situated or not, you’re dealing with human beings and matters of the heart – and how could you deny a man who felt a pull towards his child? Considerations were not only the donor, but his partner, family, other children. What if they wanted time with our child? What if they were the type of people we didn’t want our children around? All of it seemed messy and not worth the upside of having firsthand experience with the donor. Missus Scooter agreed that I also had valid points.