Hellobee

i’ve heard of the no leaving the house for the month. It’s interesting, but we have no superstitions on our end. PLus, even though I could of clearly stayed 1 month at home,…. I was going nuts and needed to leave the 4 walls i had around me

Chinese has very similar practices after you give birth. The only time I had to go out was to my son’s multiple appointments after he was born. Other than that I was restricted to stay home (parents were around) and my dad got really upset at me for eating cereal one morning. Oops! I even had to drink pretty nasty Chinese medicine which next time around I think I should be better at drinking it since it’s only temporary. Suppose to help with your body when you get older. Still, yuck. But at least I like drinking soups so drinking all the soup with seaweed and papaya (both to help stimulate milk production) was actually welcoming! Of course, both soup had to be cooked with either pork ribs or fish which I like as well!

My parents hired us a doula for the 40 days after birth because my mom wasn’t able to helped out. I absolutely hated it! She was this really stubborn old lady. I was not allowed to take care of the baby since I was supposed to just sleep and eat all day. I understand the confinement and not eating cold foods… but she was also taking care of the baby during the 40 days and that really stressed me out even more since she wasn’t doing things the way we wanted If we are going to have another baby, we are definitely hiring a baby nurse from the get-go.

I think my eyes are playing a trick on me. Did you have that title to begin with and then changed it to 1 month confinement and then back?

@blushink – haha yes it did.

@reggie – my mom wanted me to hire a korean woman for a month. i had one with charlie but had the same problem — she mostly wanted to care for the baby rather than cook or clean, and they don’t listen to what you say. it’s hard to tell them what to do because they’re older too! so i didn’t want to hire one this time around. baby nurses are pricey, but at least they listen to what you say!

I’ve definitely heard of all those things Mrs. Bee mentioned. We are just TTC and my mom has already given me a list of do’s/don’ts of how to get pregnant. What’s uplifting is that she’s provided a lot of positive thoughts around our soon to be journey.

What is with Koreans/Asians and the whole “stay warm” Phenom?

I regret not listening to my mom those first few weeks after giving birth. -.- Definitely think my body wouldn’t be hurting as much if I had.

For some reason my normally superstitious Chinese mom didn’t make me follow anything post birth. She told me things during the pregnancy, though. Like that we couldn’t do any remodeling on our house that we just moved into because it is bad luck to have someone hammer nails or something like that when there is a pregnant lady in the house. That was kind of weird but we followed it.

I did the one-month confinement and found that physically I really needed it– resting, staying warm, and eating up. But mentally, I was going stir-crazy. Though, I doubt at the time I could handle more than just watching the baby at home! There was a NYT article a few months back about “hotels” or centers where women who don’t have extended family in NYC can stay and do their one-month “sitting” where they are fed all the herbal soups and someone helps watch the baby. For #2, I’m definitely going to consider it!

i think the staying in for a month might be easier for me because i predict a cold winter this year and i should be giving birth in march sometime. i think i’ll eat the seaweed soup daily – maybe not for every meal though.

@tequiero21, i think youll be staying in… you’ll have your handsful. Honestly, I’m excited to follow your progression. I don’t know anyone preggers with twins

@blushink – haha, yeah, i’m sure i’ll have my hands full. i don’t know anyone else preggers with twins either. i think i’m the only one in my whole extended family with twins (i don’t think twins run in our family)….

I’m a can’t sit still kind of gal and this would’ve been the death of me. I was itching to get into a routine as soon as possible. I also am removed from family so it was get up and start doing things or live under a pile of dust, laundry and bills. Maybe for kid 2, I’ll move to the Far East.

I’d never heard of this one, but my husband told me (not long after we found out I was pregnant) that pregnant women aren’t supposed to go in graveyards. It’s apparently a Jewish thing.

Both my mother (Korean) and my MIL (Chinese) pushed for me to stay indoors for at least a month after giving birth to Claire. My mom cooked me crazy amounts of miyukgook, and if I handled traditional Chinese dishes better I’m sure my MIL would have been preparing for me the Chinese dishes that are meant for new mothers. Both mothers freaked out when I took a shower 2 days after returning from the hospital, and they couldn’t understand why a doctor would want to see a newborn baby just days after she was born. And while I think that the extra rest did help, it was a very difficult month for me. I think that it’ll be similar this time around with BebeDeux, but with 2 babies I think I will be more grateful for their help.

On a related note, have you seen this piece in the NYTimes which ran this summer? http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/05/nyregion/bringing-an-asian-tradition-for-new-mothers-to-new-york.html

@bee- i know! my doula didn’t even support breastfeeding! it was just insane… next time around.. def no more doula, just baby nurse!

I’m chinese and my husband’s korean but both cultures have very similar ideas about postpartum recovery. My mom did not want me to touch anything cold during that first month – she told me if I HAD to open the fridge to get something, I should put on an oven mitt first to protect my joints. She also made sure I was wearing socks AND slippers at all times.

My MIL made me seaweed soup and I drank it 3x a day for the first two months. She also made me this delicious kabocha rice porridge. Good thing I’m the type of person who can eat the same thing over and over! Surprisingly, I’m still not sick of miyukguk.

The only time I left the house that first month was to go to my daughter’s first pediatrician appointment.

I do believe these rituals serve a good purpose though. I think I will take them even more seriously the second time around. Our joints are still soft and weak from the oxytocin from labor and breastfeeding… so it is so important to get rest and stay away from the cold if we can help it.

My parents are not superstitious, but my in-laws… now THAT’S another story!! I’m worried about what mom MIL is going to tell me to do/not to do once I get pregnant. I guess that is the one benefit of the language barrier… I won’t be able to understand most of what she says (she speaks mostly Cantonese, which I do not understand)

I’m Chinese and my mom has been talking about how I absolutely can not wash my hair for 1 month after giving birth. She did this with both my brother and I. I currently wash my hair either everyday or every other day! I think I’m going to give it a try when that time comes but only until I seriously can’t stand it. We’ll see how long I’ll be able to last!

As far as milk production goes, I was exclusively breastfed the first 12 months, and have had strep every year (sometimes twice) since age 6 or 7. I get sick all the time! My husband, who was formula fed from birth, rarely ever gets sick. And is quite smart, and pretty healthy overall. So, try not to stress too much about the whole breastfeeding thing! Mommy guilt is hard enough, there’s no reason to run yourself through the wringer if breastfeeding doesn’t work out this time.

@Andrea, I must be screwed then, cause I probably banged hundreds of nails myself in my house while I was pregnant! Not to mention building a lot of our baby furniture How funny!

I would suck at the whole confinement thing. Charlie wasn’t even a week old and we were already taking her out to eat and over to friends’ houses! Our wives tales surrounded more around gender prediction and baby hair growth. Annoying stuff, because of course the most ignorant people know the most about your pregnancy and baby. In the same conversation, my friend’s husband predicted that my baby would have a lot of hair because of all my acid reflux, but since she was a girl she would be bald. Um, what?? You’re contradicting yourself!

I did the 1 month confinement with both kids – complete with no showering, no going out and eating confinement foods. I understand where the tradition of no showering comes from but I do think it’s antiquated as we are no longer bathing ourselves in rivers or streams while being exposed to the elements. The body is definitely weaker after birth so I do think lots of rest and keeping warm is beneficial. It was very hard not washing my hair for the month though. With my second child, I snuck in a shower before leaving the hospital. I would also wipe myself down every other day or so. I think the key is to not be soaked in water so I felt like wiping down is okay. Of course, I didn’t let my mom know.
The Chinese also believes in consuming lots of ginger to help rejuvenate your body or protect you from getting “wind”. But ginger exacerbates the baby’s jaundice if you are breast feeding. My son was born in Asia and had high bilirubin levels at birth. My doctor, well aware of confinement foods, told me not to consume any more ginger until he got better. With my daughter, her bilirubin levels were normal for the first two days. My mom made me eat a lot of ginger fried rice during that time – i had forgotten about the effects of ginger. My daughter’s bilirubin spiked immediately after and went back to normal as soon as I stopped.
All other superstitions like no hammering or no moving furniture is all too kooky so I didn’t follow those.

My mom wasn’t too superstitious except for the staying warm and the eating ginger part. She freaked out when I announced I was going take the older toddler for a walk around the block…she told me it was windy out and I would get cold. It was mid-July and sweltering HOT! It was cooler inside the house with the AC than it was outside. She lost that battle.

My MIL was VERY superstitious. She forbade me to eat fruit with “cold” spirits. My dad, who is a fruit lover and not superstitious at all, brought me tons of wonderful summer fruits. The MIL cooked them all in soups before she would let me eat them.

There was also the traditional chicken cooked in wine soups (supposed to help purge the blood afterwards). You’re supposed to let the wine reduce. but she didn’t do it long enough either time and with both kids, I ended up with a buzz and had to pump and dump and give formula since I didn’t have a stash at that point yet.

And the vinegar pork joint dish, which I think was pork knuckles cooked in straight vinegar for a month. She had that sitting on her stove for an entire month and she would just bring it to boil every night. I could not eat that one.

My MIL also told me that I was not supposed to eat red meat after my c-section because the cow’s blood was “toxic.” I lost a lot of blood during my c-sec and was anemic to the point of possibly needing a transfusion. My head felt all foggy and I felt so weak. She hovered over me, making sure that I didn’t eat red meat. Finally my dad got fed up and cooked me a steak. I looked and felt better by the next morning.

The first time around, I did try the MIL’s dishes, but couldn’t stomach them. My dad has a really great outlook on foods post partum. “Eat everything” He really believes that all foods offer some sort of nutritional value and by only eating certain foods for that length of time isn’t that great for you. When the mothers weren’t around, he would whisper to me, “don’t listen to them…just eat everything that is good for you.”

I sat the month (within reason) too. I only went out to go to the hospital (the first week while D was in the NICU), and for doctor’s appointments.

My mom also had me eating lots of ginger and drink red date juice. I couldn’t have anything cold, and my mom made me dress in pants and long sleeves (and hood) if I went outside… and this was in late May/early June! She did at least let me shower, but only quick, and told me it had to be super hot!

I’m not sure if it helped with recovery or not (though I did have a speedy recovery)… I don’t have anything else to compare it to!

I did the month’s confinement at a center (Taiwanese-style), but I prefer to call it a post-partum retreat. With all the breastfeeding troubles I had, it was so nice to be staying at a place where all my meals were taken care of, daily housekeeping, and a fresh change of clothes everyday. It was also nice that when I needed a mental break from caring for a newborn (and every parent knows that there are those time where you just need to step away), I could send him over to the nursery and know that he would be safe with a staff of well-trained nurses.

The Traditional Chinese Medicine belief is that if you do that postpartum period right, you can “re-set” your body to eliminate any sort of imbalances or health problems you might have had prior to becoming pregnant. And in modern confinement practices, it’s fine to bath and wash your hair – just make sure to dry off quickly and blow dry well. Some women go a step further and just take sponge baths with herbal teas, but at the center they told me to go ahead and shower if I needed it.

@enjollah – With the hair washing – well I took it as an excuse to go out to get a wash & blowout at a nearby salon once a week. I’m a wash daily gal as well, but this way I could be comfortable and my head would dry quickly so that everyone was happy. I did make sure to wear long sleeves, long pants, and a hat when I went out, though.

The other advantage of staying at the postpartum center was that the meals (which were yummy) were a mix of Western dietary advice and traditional beliefs: so lots of nourishing soups, different steamed whole grains or rice porridges, steamed veggies, braised meats and fishes. I never had a problem with going #2 or hemorrhoids while I was at the center (when I went back to my home and was subsisting on frozen foods was another story).

I also wasn’t bored because they had parenting/post-partum recovery for mom classes every day, as well as Internet, cable TV, and a DVD player. I was actually really productive work-wise during that time, because I didn’t have to worry about housekeeping, and had easy access childcare. I loved my experience and I would totally do it again.

I have never heard of the month of rest /confinement and I find it fascinating. We are currently TTC, so I have no personal experience dealing with recovery but everything that you ladies are saying makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing!!

I’m Filipino and I’ve heard about the cold warnings! But my husband’s Swedish and we live in Sweden – good thing I’m due in the summer!

After reading all your responses, I think I’m going to teach my husband how to make soup! They don’t have any superstitions regarding childbirth here, in fact, I think women are expected to jump around and garden right after!!! No joke!

Apparently, women are encouraged to take a walk right after birth, regardless of the season! So in the snow, during the freezing cold, you’re supposed to walk your newborn to the park! It sounds so cruel but that’s just how it’s done here. (They even leave babies out in their strollers to sleep, in the cold — but that’s a subject on its own).

Am I going to be all Swede after giving birth? Heck no, I’m from California! I intend to be wrapped up and eating soup! Thank goodness for the massive paternal leave my husband’s entitled to, it makes it less all scary.

my mom wouldn’t let me near the fridge and always made me wear long clothes and socks. I would eat seaweed soup at least 5x a day (or would have the squash porridge mixed in there somewhere). At that time, we were living in a condo, so my husband was DYING because it was super hot.

Arabs have the same month indoors rule…well, 40 days. Then instead of seaweed soup…we have cinnamon tea & dates. Both are supposed to contract the uterus to size and stimulate milk production…we also have the warming the stomach rule because it is shown to prevent gas,bloating or getting so cold you get sick…& no one wants a sick new mama…
I followed none of these but I could have and I could have enjoyed my weeks PP a bit more, but I’m way to independent and I hate asking for help so I was out & about less than 1 full week after delivery.

Funny. I found this site after goigling superstitions surrounding hair washing postpartum. I am black, yet you would think she is asian considering I have heard all of these things from her. She flipped out when I washed my hair after giving birth. She is OBSESSED with me having on socks, shoes, and long sleeves at all times (even in the house), and she acts like I’m trying to run a marathon if I take the dog out to use the bathroom. I have enjoyed all the soups my mom has made me. There is definitely a preoccupation with staying warm. Maybe my mom is part asian and we just don’t know it. Haha!