Hellobee

No, I have not and haven’t changed my mind since having my daughter. Everyone calls me Mrs. (DH’s last name) anyway. That is interesting that people call you Mrs. Kim. Do they call Mr. Bee, Mr. Kim?

As you say, living in New York, a lot of people are on the more progressive side so a lot of women do not change their names anyway. I grew up in Hawaii and it seems like ALL my friends back there changed their last name so maybe where you live influences the decision.

@Andrea: yes they call mr. bee mr. kim all the time!

I changed my last name b/c I didn’t think it was a big deal going from one boring three letter last name to another. Never really thought about it relating to the kids though. The process for me was pretty easy but I still have a lot of other business documents that have my maiden last name on it. I just requested extra copies of my marriage certificate in case I ever need them for those documents. And don’t regret it at all. Although, some of my friends still call me by my maiden last name instead of my first name.

I changed my last name as a x-mas gift to my husband when we first got married. He wanted our whole family to have the same name. The only problem is, I’m korean, but have a very jewish last name. So when I meet with clients, they commonly remark that I was not what they expected. The upside is that my first+last name combo is very unique, versus my old name combo where it was probably the #1 name among koreans.

I kept my last name for the some of the same reasons you listed, Mrs. Bee. I liked my short and sweet, yet ethnic last name a didn’t want to confuse people a la Donna Chang from that Seinfeld episode by taking Mr. Marbles’ last name. I was a little concerned after LM was born that we didn’t have the same last name, but my last name is her middle name so it was a good compromise.

No kiddos for me yet, but I never really considered keeping my maiden name when I got married. I live in the Southeast, where I’m guessing it’s much more common to change your name. Plus, I went from an 11-letter last name to a 5-letter last name, which I appreciate! I kept my maiden name as my middle name just like my mom did (and so I could have rockin’ initials—ABC!). It was also important to my husband that he and I and our future children all share a last name. I don’t feel like I lost any of my identity in changing my name. My life changed when I said “I do,” and I feel like my name change appropriately reflects that.

I do agree that it’s more and more common for children to have different last names than their parents, so I think the decision comes down to what you are most comfortable with!

That’s interesting that you had to indicate a name change on your marriage license. On mine (state of CT), it clearly indicated maiden name and there is no space to indicate a change. I always found that strange, I was expecting there to be some kind of notation on there.

I took my husband’s last name. He would have been fine if I had kept my own name, but I just felt it would be more convenient to change to his name. I also did want to have the same last name as our kids. It’s been much easier for me having my husband’s name because it is a very easy American name. My maiden name was Japanese and it always got butchered in America. Although now that we are living in Japan, it would have been ok. My first name is still Japanese so I don’t really feel like I’ve lost any part of myself culturally. I have no regrets about changing my name. It works for me and I like it much better than when I had my maiden name.

I didn’t change my last name and probably won’t unless my MIL has her way. It’s who I am. I don’t think it’s going to be confusing for my child to know that I have a different last name or that it makes us less of a family unit.

I kept my name. When we got our marriage license I said I’d hyphenate, but my last name has 8 letters, my husband’s has 8 letters and 16 letters plus a hyphen seemed crazy.

One reason I didn’t change was the hassle- I didn’t want to have to do all the leg work to change all my documents.

The second was that I’m a scientist, if I changed my name, publications I wrote before we were married wouldn’t be correlated with those I wrote afterwards. My publications, my degrees, my e-mail addresses, all were in my maiden name. I didn’t want the discontinuity in my publications to hurt me professionally- so I just kept my name,

Growing up, I always thought I’d want to change my last name but then when the time came to it, I had a hard time letting go of my identity. I wouldn’t have bothered (I’m lazy) but my husband cared about it, so I changed my name on my social, driver’s license, and passport (when it expired). Some of my bank accounts/credit cards have my maiden name, some have my married surname. Professionally, I’m still Ms. (Maiden Surname).

However, I do find it helpful having the same last name as my son when we travel because I do a fair amount of international travel with him by myself. I recall being asked once if I was his mother (I think before my passport got updated). Regardless, I always have my husband sign a letter with the planned travel dates (and I’d do the same vice versa), because with the issue of kidnapping, some immigration/border officials will question. I know of one mom travelling with her kids that got delayed at the airport because they didn’t have a letter, even though her husband was there dropping her off at the airport to vouch for her,

I changed my last name because of the “kid factor”. Hubby has a son from a previous relationship with his name, so I didn’t want our future kiddies or myself to have a different last name. It was hard transition though; I’m military so I’m identified by my last name (vs. first name). I thought about hyphenating, but our last names together would imply that I am a “rock bender”…haha…not cool.

I do miss my “real” name. It went sooo well with my first.

I have a question for those who didn’t change their names or hyphenated: What last name did your kiddies get? Hubby’s? Yours? The hyphenated name?

I haven’t yet. I keep thinking I will but it hasn’t been a big deal yet so there hasn’t seemed to be much point. I have many names and I’m OK with all of them. I have papers written with my maiden name so I don’t love the idea of changing it professionally, so it’s probably just easier to keep my last name and let people call me socially by his last name. My last name stands out too, which is another reason why I like it.

Growing up, I always thought families shared the same name. I knew nothing else. Fast forward to a hasty first marriage and an inevitable divorce – I struggled with regaining my identity. Getting back my last name, a last name I was never fond of, was the start of accepting who I am.

DH (then just a friend), in his own way, helped me get through a really tough time and I “found myself again.” I swore I would never marry again, and years later, here we are =)

But I kept my name, not just because I feel that it’s a vital part of my identity, but also because I’ve lived a little bit more, saw a culture that didn’t require women to change their names. And everyone functioned just fine! So instead of The Smiths, it was common to refer to children as “Sally’s Mom”. I really liked it!

Now I live in an opposite culture, in a very different part of the world, and here it’s also common for women to keep their names. Win, win. It was very convenient!

We’re having our first child in a few months and although it would look nice to have a family name on the mailbox, I’ll stick to what we already have going. I’ll be my LO’s Mom regardless if we share a last name or not =)

It took a few months, but I always knew that I wanted to change my name. It meant a lot to DH and I was always used to ppl mispronouncing my entire name (Korean first and last) that I didn’t really care that my new Polish last name would throw an even bigger wrench into my oxymoron-ic name. Just for simplicity sake though, I wish I had kept my traditional Korean name, it really doesn’t matter in this day and age.

i changed my name right away. kids were not a factor. my husband expected me to change my name so i did. my mom changed her name, so i expected i would too. i definitely like my name now, but i hate how common it is.

I was on the fence but in the end I took my husbands last name. My maiden name is very ethnic and not very pretty but I was still attached to it so I made it my middle name instead. After having LO, I do like that we all have the same last name, makes logistics a bit easier.

What’s funny is that my husband is Filippino and has a Spanish last name and my first and middle/maiden names are very Vietnamese so people are always perplexed when they meet me in person, especially when I tell them I’m actually Chinese.

I hyphenated. It’s a huge pain in the ass.

My maiden name is the most common Vietnamese name ever, and my hubs’ name is a super German name. I didn’t want to lose any of my culture, but I also wanted to celebrate our new family. Soooo I thought I was getting the best of both worlds when I hyphenated. So not true.

I am with Mrs Habesbabe on this one. I also hyphenated because I couldn’t part with my culture. It is too much a part of me, and when my grandfather passed away I felt sooooooo happy that I kept a part of him with me. It means a lot to my dad too.
On the other hand, it’s wayyyyy long!!!! It got truncated on license. Ack. Socially I just go by Mrs. L (husband’s last name). But the fact that my maiden name is still there means a lot to me. When we have kids my maiden name will be their middle.

@Crumbs: yes i love that we are called “charlie’s mom” and “charlie’s dad.” that’s how you refer to parents in Korean culture anyway!

I changed my last name simply because I wanted to. I never considered keeping my maiden name. My husband also wanted me to have his name. His last name is unique here because his grandfather immigrated from Lithuania to the U.S. The only thing I haven’t changed my name on yet is my passport. I should have done it along with everything else. It seems like too much work now.

i kept my last name (kim!) too. 1. i really like my last name – and it served as a my alter ego when i’d tell creepy guys at clubs that my name was “kimmie” LOL
2. there was alot of paper work involved with my company HR if I was to take on his name. alot of paperwork i did NOT want to deal with.
3. the hubs wanted me to take his name, but its been over a year and i think he just forgot about it. YAY.

I changed mine and I kinda regret it, because my maiden name was a unique one. My married one is the most common Korean last name, and I have a very common Korean first name. Boring. And now I always get people calling me Kim. It was important to my husband and I wanted to have the same last name as my kids, but as you said that’s not really a big deal in the end.

I changed mine right before Wombat was born. I still call myself by my maiden name and so does he. We both forget.

i changed my name right after i had baby #1 because it was super important to my husband that we all had the same last name. my maiden name is now my middle name though so it’s a little easier because i haven’t gotten around to changing all my accounts, etc.

For professional reasons and sheer laziness, I kept my last name. My husband is sometimes called Mr. My last name. The husband had his last name (LastA) changed legally in the early twenties to LastA Last B. The kids last name is LastA. So we all have different last names.

i didn’t change my name for a lot of the same reasons that you and others have listed–i like my last name (even though it’s super common), the husband didn’t seem to care either way, and i’m too lazy to change it. if we have kids, i tell him that he should change his last name to mine so our kids have my last name. why not.

We just got married this summer, and so far only my health card and stuff online (like coupon sites), have my married name. I have to get around to that soon though, I’ve been busy.

I have not changed mine. I had several of the same reasons as you. Now that we are planning a family, I have considered doing it but haven’t yet. Sometimes it just seems ridiculous to me! Others tell me it’s no big deal. I’m just not sure.

Good to have read this post.

I kept my last name but it was until recently I’ve actually considered changing because of the same concerns you had (having the same family name as my child, and not to confuse teachers at school…etc.). It is a big hassle though so I didn’t look into it, and good to read this reassuring post that it actually really doesn’t matter.

Let’s say my husband’s name is Jack A and mine is Jill B. It gets quite annoying when you get mail addressing Jack and Jill B, or people call him Mr B. Even if you hire, say, remodeling contractors, they insist on putting your project under 1 family name. What if we aren’t married? Sometimes it makes you wonder why people aren’t more accommodating in this day and age.

I changed mine. it was never really a question for us whether I would or not, though if I had a professional life where I was known by my maiden name or something like that it might have been different. but I’ve never been a huge fan of my maiden name & I’m from texas where it’s just something that’s done, so I didn’t think or worry too much about it. plus, I really do like being “Mr. & Mrs. Vargas”. I get a lot of pleasure out of writing that down