Mr. Marbles and I were one of the first of our friends to get married and have kids. We’ve always been close with our friends and are generally outgoing. Unfortunately, none of our closest friends have kids or are even remotely close to having kids. Finding parent friends is also a whole different ball game. Post-baby, I’ve been finding it very difficult to make mama friends.
I have a great group of online mama friends and resources like Hellobee, but when it comes to real life friends, it’s definitely been hard. I want Little Marbles to have pals her age, but becoming friends with someone just so your kid has a playmate seems a little self-serving. There have just been so many obstacles to making mama friends, that I’m getting a bit disheartened.
Getting Out There
I’ve heard many moms recommend joining new mom groups. I’ve definitely joined a few local online groups through Meetup, but find it hard to jump into board discussions when it seems that everyone seems to have already met and/or know each other in person. I was also put off by a group moderator who demanded that I attend an event in the next month or I’d be kicked out of the group. Wow. I felt like it was a Mean Girls/high school moment. I want to make mama friends who are like my real life kid-less friends — understanding and kind, not some playgroup clique.
Scheduling
As a full-time working mom, my weekends with my family are sacred. Despite that, we often spend Saturday running errands: buying groceries, stocking up on baby supplies, etc. We also have a lot of family living close by and family visiting from out of town often because LM is the first grandkid for both our families, so she’s got a lot of relatives who want to see her. We also have her enrolled in a music class every Sunday morning so both Mr. Marbles and I can participate. Additionally, we don’t want to overstimulate LM with too many activities in one day. Sooo… time for meeting other little friends and for me to make friends is very limited.
Taking the Leap
It’s worst than a first date. When you do meet another cool mom or someone with kids the same age as yours, how do you take that first step? Mr. Marbles and I often chat up well with other parents, but how do you go from generic parenting chit-chat to taking the plunge and exchanging information? It’s super awkward! I’ve seen those cute “mommy calling cards” on various stationery sites, but is it appropriate to try to set up a playdate when you’ve just met the parents? What’s the protocol?
How have you made friends with other moms? Do you have any tips for a working mom like myself?
grape / 75 posts
oh! I have the same problem; I can’t wait to hear some answers!
apricot / 498 posts
Ugh. I was in this situation last night. Last minute run to the pediatrician and I felt like/looked like a hot mess. Kid is crying. Nice mom with a boy almost the same age chatted me up and now, a little saner I kicked myself for not asking more about her!
We have a coffee shop that has a kids play area that is in our neighborhood. I’m sure that if you met someone you could drop “hey, I was thinking of trying this out. have you been?” Get’s them talking and it’s a neutral place to meet.
kiwi / 729 posts
You hit this one out of the ballpark! Most of my friends have kids but are working (I am a SAHM) or have babies that are either one year older or one year younger. LO is all alone in his age group.
I have found a few mommy friends to do some playdates with but nothing consistent. Trying to get out of the house is hard when LO isn’t napping on a consistent schedule and the times with other babies don’t match up right. But its worth it to keep trying!
I would say try to meet other moms (whether it be friends of friends, people you’re acquaintances with, other music class mommies?) I’ve found that other moms are usually very eager to get together even if it is for an hour or two, once a week. Once it starts getting warmer, you may even find mommies at the playground who you could chat it up with.
I’ve never done the calling card thing bc most of my playdates have been with aquaintances (getting their email is easy) but if I were to meet a mommy let’s say at the grocery store or playground, getting their email would be easy – store in your phone.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
Oh man, this post makes me so grateful that several of my friends have babies (and a few are pregnant). I don’t think I could put myself out there to try to make new mommy friends. I’ve never been good at making new friends, so I have no advice (I’m pretty shy in person), but good luck!!
clementine / 889 posts
I went to the new mom group while I was on maternity leave. I LOVED it, but we all had newborns and making playdates wasn’t practical or high on our to do list. There were two moms in particular that I really liked, but I didn’t know how to start a friendship beyond the group.
I know there are a lot of moms in my area, which is rich with hiking trails, parks, and other kid-friendly activities. I just don’t know how to meet them. And now I’m back to work full time, so weekends are my only free time. I’d be glad to meet up with mom friends on weekends, but I don’t know how to get there. I’m pretty introverted, so I have a hard time making friends.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I met someone who is now a really good friend via the message board of Stroller Strides. I have never even gone to Stroller Strides! We met up on our own and have been friends for a year and half now. Through her, I have met a few more moms. And I befriended one of the other parents at my daughter’s daycare and met a few others through her, too. So I think you just need to meet one or two people to get the ball rolling. It is definitely more quality over quantity especially if you are a full-time working mom and only have limited weekend time to devote to play dates anyway. You don’t need a lot of friends to arrange one play date a month or so.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
Great post. Fortunately, I have a number of women in my life with little ones, though only a couple of them are here. I’m not looking forward to the process of making mommy friends, though, when we move.
honeydew / 7968 posts
i’ll be in the same situation! i’ve been moving around a lot the past 7 years or so, so hard for me to make new friends, let alone mommy friends. i’m hoping we can find a good church and find some mommies there to start….
guest
I’m not a mom yet (our 1st is due in June), but I work with kids at a public library. Have you tried looking to see if a library near you has a storytime that works with your schedule? The moms that attend mine have become friends throughout the year. It is a good chance for them to interact as the kids work on a craft project after we finish reading stories.
I am also going to be a working mom after maternity leave so I am keeping an eye out on other suggestions. My husband and I don’t have any friends nearby with kids (except my sister who has a 2-year old girl), so we’d love to meet some also.
guest
Strict rules set by Meetup organizers may seem harsh, but do make sense in some cases. There is a tendancy on Meetup for people to join groups and then become a “lurker”, meaning they’re in the group but never attend events.
For many groups, this isn’t a big problem (I run two non-mom-related groups and don’t mind), but I’ve noticed many Meetup mommy groups are much more careful about members. They are concerned for the safety of their children, so they don’t want people they don’t know just lurking in the group, who are able to see the schedule and locations of events.
Of course, there are occasionally “Mean Girls” organizers out there who just love the power trip, but I thought I’d help explain things from an organizer’s point of view.
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
We moved to Atlanta from Sweden when I was 20 weeks pregnant. We didn’t know anyone at all. I immediately jumped into pregnancy fitness classes and met a bunch of great mommas to be. After all the babies were born, we started having play dates. It has been amazing. One of the girls in our group is very outgoing and I was always impressed with how quickly she would pass out her mommy cards to all sorts of fun people we met in the park or at mom and baby classes. Some of them really joined our group and some didn’t work out. But I think that is the way to go – just being a little brave and setting up the dates. What’s the worst that can happen? An awkward hour (which your kids will get you through)…
pomegranate / 3053 posts
It’s like making friends to me. If you get along or click with the mom right away you’ll know and then you’ll plan on meeting up for “coffee” or more like a play date somewhere. I know, easier said than done. I actually met one of my really good friends through a Kindermusik class we both took our kids to. She was in our class for a make-up class that day. Turns out her daughter is only a month younger than my son. We just clicked and had a lot in common. We weren’t too concerned if our kids would like each other. Haha! Anyway, we actually didn’t exchange info until the second time we ran into each other at a nearby mall. So we were lucky we ran into each other again. Turns out she lives 5 minutes away and we are now really good friends and both pregnant with #2 and they will hopefully be also one month apart. I say hopefully b/c our due dates are a month apart but she was early with her first so she’s not sure if she’ll be early with #2 as well.
Other than that, I haven’t really made that many mommy friends through classes or mommy groups which I never joined. I’m in the opposite boat where we’re one of the last ones to have kids so most of our friends have kids already. I feel overwhelmed with the friends I have already so I didn’t bother joining any mommy groups to make more friends. I also find that some mommy groups are so hard core that it turns me off so another reason I didn’t bother joining. But I do know some ppl who are very successful in making new mommy friends through those. Maybe you can join different ones and see which ones fits your lifestyle better.
Also, once your daughter starts preschool you’ll probably make more friends through her school friends as well. My son is 34 months now and I find that only now he is able to “play” with other kids. For the longest time he and our friends’ kids just did their own thing b/c that’s just what they do until they are about 2.5-years-old. Good luck and I’m sure you’ll find some new mama friends before you know it!
pea / 21 posts
meetup.com or baby classes like Kindermusik. I’ve met pretty much all of my mommy friends through these two avenues and I’m so thankful for them!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
We joined a birth and beyond class when LJ was 3 weeks old. We have gone on vacation with one of the moms twice! I’ve also met moms of similarly aged kids at Gymboree. Mr. Jacks started his own dads group and has a dedicated group of SAHDs now! Good luck!
cherry / 207 posts
I don’t have many friends with kids locally but have gotten to know a few great mommas via the boys that DD hang out with at daycare. My neighborhood is full of mom but we don’t really hang out ….
honeydew / 7667 posts
Ugh. I do not look forward to this aspect. We only know one other couple with kids.