Since we sailed by the normal sticking points for most couples, I assumed that we were well on our way to being able to TTC. You know what they say about assuming.

Once Mr. Blue realized that I was totally serious about this TTC stuff and that we weren’t talking about a hypothetical few years down the road, we reached a major impasse. Mr. Blue had always assumed we would be married for a few years before we had kids. My age made me feel like I didn’t have a few years to wait. Isn’t it funny how you think you’ve talked about all the big issues before marriage, and then one you never even thought of pops up and slaps you silly? At 26, Mr. Blue felt like he had all the time in the world to have kids, but at 29, I felt like I was at an age of reckoning.

For most of my twenties, kids weren’t even on my radar yet. At 26, I started getting occasional warm and fuzzy feelings when I saw a baby, but nothing major. By 28, I had serious baby-fever and knew this was something I wanted asap. I figured it was God and my body’s way of reminding me that I had a finite number of baby-making years. Now, with my 30th birthday a mere 6 weeks away, not only do I want to start having kids, but I feel a biological urgency to do so. I know that women have children at ages far older than I am, but we would like to have at least two biologically and adopt at least one.  With that in mind, I’ve got to get going!

At my age, it’s likely that I will get pregnant with few problems, if any. But I definitely don’t want to wait a few years before starting. As discussed here, five years from now, the risks for my baby and myself are unarguably higher. Being a typical guy, Mr. Blue really didn’t know much about fertility, risks, etc. He definitely learned all about the statistics in our discussions! We also did some math: a hypothetical 3 months to get pregnant + 9 months of pregnancy + waiting a minimum of a year to two years to start TTC again + another 3 months of TTC + 9 months of pregnancy = 3 to 4 years, if things go perfectly. Mr. Blue quickly realized that waiting a few years was not something either of us wanted.

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The only hang up Mr. Blue was left with was that he felt strongly about having some time being married with no kids. He wanted to wait at least one year after our wedding.  He felt that it would help us figure out the ups and downs of marriage and give us some time to enjoy just being married without having any law school or wedding planning stress.  Rationally, I knew he had a good point, but, wow, my heart hurt at the thought of waiting! The age vs. time just being married debate went on for months.

Finally, I realized that because I love him and want him to be completely ready and excited when we start TTC, I needed to let him win this one. I told him we could wait. I was one sad puppy, but I knew I had to put our marriage first. I know to some it may seem irrational to be so upset about having to wait an extra few months, but it seemed like the end of the world to me. I felt pathetic for being upset, but it didn’t change that I wanted this so much and that my heart was breaking a little at the idea of more waiting.

A few days later, Mr. Blue proposed a new plan. After thinking more, he decided three months didn’t really make a difference to him, but he knew it did to me. He told me he was okay with starting in June, right after I turn the big 3-0. I. Was. SO. Excited!  I still felt a little guilty, worrying that this wasn’t really something Mr. Blue wanted to do by summer. So, we had one more talk and I proposed a modification of method, which became our official “Baby Timeline!”

Knowing my sweet self like I do, I know if I’m charting, calendaring our sexy time, and really focused on TTC, I’ll be completely consumed, and we’ll both be miserable. With that in mind, I told Mr. Blue I thought in June we should simply pull the goalie, stop charting, have “fun” when we feel like it, and hope for the best. If it doesn’t work by September (Mr.Blue’s original date to start TTC) then we’ll take a more focused approach.

After all the arguments about baby timing, we’re both really happy and getting more and more excited about a baby in our near future!

Did/do you and your SO have any major disagreements about when you should start TTC? How did you resolve them?