My name is Mrs. Blue, and I’m a worrier.

I blame my grandmother who is the Queen Worrier.  Having seen my grandmother worry herself into a tizzy over many a ridiculous situation, I really try to keep my craziness under control.  That said, with our time to begin TTC just a few short weeks away, I can’t help but bounce around a few worries about TTC, being a parent, and our post-baby life.  Without further delay, I present:

My Top 10 Pre-TTC Worries.

1. Will I ever sleep again after we have a baby?
I know I won’t get as much sleep, and it will be interrupted. But will I get enough sleep to function?  I’m one of those people that really needs at least 7 hours to be able to focus and be my normal, cheery self.  I realize that all you moms of little ones are laughing hysterically because it’s inevitable that I won’t be getting my desired sleep quota.  I’m terrified of turning into a sleep-deprived, permanently cranky human being.  Plus, I really, really love sleep.  I already miss it in the future.

2.  Will I be a terrible mother?
On the brink of baby-making, all the responsibilities and challenges of child rearing have been coming to the forefront of my mind though I realize no parent is perfect.  It’s on-the-job training.  I have the best mom, and I want my kids to have that as well. My parents were strict but loving and creative.  They raised us in a way that we would grow up to be the kind of people they wanted to be friends with.  My mom did all kinds of creative projects with us, and my dad never missed a game.  I worry about whether I’ll have the patience, energy, and wisdom to not just survive parenthood, but to give my children an extraordinary childhood like I had.

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3.  Will my hoohaw permanently become a cavernous pit?  I doubt an explanation is really required on this one.  A cavernous pit for a hoohaw does not bode well for my sex life or my ability to laugh without peeing a little, both of which I enjoy immensely.

4.  Will our sex life completely disappear after a baby?  
So many of my friends talk about having zero desire to be touched because they’re just so tired with a little one.  Is that how all moms feel even after the first couple of months?  If so, I really need to be the exception.  It’s not just sexual satisfaction that I would miss, but the intimacy and connection with Mr. Blue.

5. How will I protect my child from Law & Order SVU type situations?
Okay, this one might be the result of me DVRing every episode of SVU.  The other day we watched an episode, and Mr. Blue said, “We’re never having daughters.”  At that point, I was kind of feeling like we just shouldn’t have any kids at all!  In reality, I know careful parenting can shelter your child from so much harm, but bad things can still happen.  I just wish I could guarantee that I would always be standing between my little ones and all dangers.

6.  Will I miss out on all the important moments as a working mother?  
My mom stayed at home with us, and I loved having her around for the ups and downs of my childhood.  At least for the next few years, I will have to work full-time.  Eventually, we hope that I can switch to part-time, but until then I wonder if I’m going to miss “everything” because I’ll be at work.  Rationally, I know this won’t be the case, but I can’t help but ache at the thought of missing first steps, words, etc.

7.  Will we still be able to travel?  
I always insist that we’re still going to travel, both with our kids and without them.  Travel is really important to both of us, so I think we’ll find ways to make it work.  Of course, I recognize that traveling with little kids is a whole other kind of travel than what I’ve experienced, so I wonder how we’ll manage or if we’ll just give up and stay at home.

8.  Will I have problems getting maternity leave?
This is fodder for a whole future post, but basically I’m about to begin a job where I’m not guaranteed any amount of maternity leave or even sick or vacation leave.  It is given at the discretion of my future boss.  I have a lot of inside information about said boss, so I’m pretty confident that I’ll have at least 6 weeks off, but I still worry over telling him and seeing how much time I get to take.

9.  Will I have problems getting pregnant?  
Two of my best friends had a terrible time TTC.  One adopted after 4 or 5 years of TTC.  The other is pregnant after 7 years of trying.  While I realize their stories are not the norm, I was close enough to both of those situations that I find myself half expecting to encounter fertility problems.  Thankfully, they both have happy endings, and I know I will as well, even if it takes longer than we hope.

And last, but certainly not least:

10.  What if I don’t like my kids as much as my dog??  
I’m only halfway joking about this.  Our puppy has had the full weight of all my maternal instincts for the last three years, and I’m rather in love with that little bit of fur.  Many a pet lover has told me they kind of worried about that, but that after their children were born, it was no contest!  I know that I will love my kids more… but will I like them more?  That may just depend on my lack of sleep… On a related note, I worry about how our dog will handle the addition of a baby to the house.

Thankfully, my worries are overshadowed by a far greater amount of things I’m looking forward to experiencing.  What did/do you worry about before TTC?