This is part 2 of Rubies’ birth story. You can read Part 1 here.
The hour following the birth of Baby R was chaos. Absolute chaos. BR had meconium (first baby poop) on her as she entered the world and there was a slight concern about that, but we all soon found out that it was really no big deal. They cleaned her up and promptly placed her on my chest where she was to stay for the duration of one hour for some healthy skin-to-skin contact. I thought that it would be a quiet hour of bonding.
Oh, hellz no.
First of all, I was almost fully reclined so looking at my baby was a little hard to do. I was trying to stare at her and figure out where on earth this little chubby bundle came from! My husband and I were trying to determine which parent each of her features came from, and we were trying to enjoy the first few moments of this new life. But other people and my body had other plans.
I immediately developed a fever, so my nurse Tara came back and stabbed me in my leg with some injection to help bring it down; then she tried to take my blood pressure. While all this was going on, Dr. Hew was trying to help me deliver my placenta, which didn’t come out as easily as it was supposed to. So Tara, bless her, began pushing/rubbing/squeezing my belly, which ended up hurting a lot more than one would think. I started crying and Tara tried to soothe me, and finally out came the placenta. But Tara kept doing that stomach thing to me because she said that my uterus was too soft and needed to harden (or the other way around… I can’t remember). All of this was going on when Dr. Hew told me she would begin to stitch me up.
Oh, Lord. She never told me how many stitches I received. I asked and she told me where I tore, but not an actual number. I felt at least 7. I FELT her stitch up my ladybits. I cried as I felt each stitch, Dr. Hew was trying to soothe me, I was trying to soothe BR, my husband was just trying to stay calm, and all I can remember is that it was very noisy, I was in pain, and I wanted everyone to just shut up!
Finally, it was all over. Dr. Hew was done, I thanked her (she really was very kind), she congratulated us, BR was taken to be cleaned and my husband and I just sat there bewildered. Did we just have a baby???
Shoot. Now what?
Well, my family and in-laws promptly showed up wanting to devour their first grandchild, and this was the only time I felt okay. Soon, I was wheeled into my recovery room where I would remain until I was discharged the next day. I was encouraged to begin breastfeeding, which didn’t go well at first. But I told myself I could try again later.
7:30pm
I began to feel very overwhelmed – my friends wanted to visit, my parents and in-laws wouldn’t leave, I was in pain, I was exhausted, I was sweaty and could smell my own BO, and I was feeling miserable. I tried to hide it and be gracious to everyone, but I was near tears. Finally, I had had enough and asked my husband to please kindly ask everyone to leave. I was once again alone with my baby while my husband socialized outside with everyone, and I tackled breastfeeding again. Nothing. My nipples were already getting sore, I didn’t know how to position the baby, my arms were cramping up and sadly, it was 7:30pm, which meant Tara’s shift was over and a new nurse was introduced to me.
At this point, I wanted to cry. You see, when you’re in labour, there is ONE nurse assigned to you for the duration of the labour. One nurse to change you, entertain you, tend to you, etc. The second you have the baby, you no longer have that undivided attention. There is then just one nurse for every five women. What a shock to the system! Tara came to say goodbye and I actually cried watching her leave. The new nurse was a very curt “been there, done that” type of nurse — not soft and caring. I was so sad.
9:00pm
By 9pm, it was just me and my husband and this new baby. I was again encouraged to breastfeed, and this time it hurt like hell. I was feeling tired and emotional. I wanted to go home, but without the baby, without the pain. I wanted to go home to my old life. My ladyparts below my waist were in so much pain, and I was still bleeding so much that it was so hard for me to get in and out of bed. The nurse came and asked when the last time I went pee was. I told her that I hadn’t physically gone pee since before my epidural (after my epidural, a catheter was inserted to empty out my bladder). The nurse was shocked and almost demanded that I go pee right then. I was so reluctant (and scared that it might hurt) that I kept saying, “No, it’s okay, I don’t have to go.” But the nurse made me go. I started crying in the bathroom. I was bleeding, my ladyparts were so swollen and in pain from my stitches, I had huge hemorrhoids, and I felt so gross. I hated every second of it.
Then the nurse told me to take a shower. Before baby, I was in and out of the shower in 15 minutes. That night, it took twice as long. But boy, did it feel good. Mmmmmmmmm shampoo. Mmmmmmmmm conditioner. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm hot water. I wanted to almost EAT the soap, it felt so good to be clean and put on a new hospital gown.
10:30pm
After the shower, I tried to breastfeed again, and nothing. Just pain and more tears (on my part). At around 10:30pm, the nurse came back and asked if we wanted to bathe BR and my husband and I took every opportunity to get as much help as we could, so we said HELLZ YEAH. The nurse made it look so easy. BR wailed the whole time, but at least she was nice and warm and swaddled.
11:00pm
Then at 11pm, I sent my husband home to get a good night’s sleep. My idea was that one of us might as well be comfortable and get some sleep, rather than both of us being tired and stressed. In the future, I will NOT do this again. My husband reluctantly left to go home, promising to be back first thing in the morning. I sadly watched him leave, praying for the morning to come quickly.
That night, the first night of being a mommy, was the loneliest, saddest, more terrifying night of my life. Even as I write these words and think back to that single night, I am reduced to tears. That night was the WORST night of my life. I will never forget how scared I was.
My baby was in my room with me crying, crying, crying. I was crying trying to get out of bed to her because of the pain. I didn’t know how to calm her, I didn’t know what was wrong, I didn’t know what the heckzoids I was doing. I buzzed for a nurse for help and when the nurse came, she tried to get me to try breastfeeding (again!) and still nothing. By this time, my nipples were raw and I was crying in pain. The nurse kept telling me that I had to keep trying through the pain. I longed for company – I just didn’t want to be alone – so I kept asking her questions. Though she was curt, I decided that she was just experienced in that she knew eventually, I would be okay. She just didn’t try to soothe me. She had three kids of her own and said that whatever hardship I was experiencing was “normal” and that everything will be okay. When she left, BR started crying again and so did I.
My room was dark, I could hear hospital sounds in the hall, I could hear a baby screaming a few door down from me… and I felt so alone. I cried and cried in my bed wishing for all of it to stop. I prayed for the night to end and for morning to come. I prayed for BR to stop crying. I prayed for my boobs to stop hurting. I prayed that I could be happy. This went on for hours. I should let you know that for BR’s first week of life, she had the craziest ear-piercing cry ever. It stopped being ear-piercing when she kind of lost her voice due to it, and it became a raspy cry.
3:30am
At 3:30am, she was screaming her head off and the nurse came to see if everyone was okay. She felt badly for me and offered to take her to the nurses station to give me a break, and I thankfully let her. I promptly fell asleep but 30 minutes later, she came back with BR because she had to attend to another patient.
7:45am
From then until 7:45am I cried, baby cried, I walked around the room trying to soothe the baby, I took my meds, cried some more, baby cried, and this went on and on. Finally, I couldn’t take it any more and I called my husband in tears. He said he was on his way.
Epilogue: The First Month of Baby R’s Life
I’m just going to get to the point: The first month of BR’s life was the most stressful month of my entire life.
Okay, now I can get into the details.
Prior to having BR, I was told constantly that the first month was the hardest. I was warned of the difficulties of functioning with no sleep. I was warned of the sleepless nights. I was warned of the incessant crying. I was warned of everything you can imagine. And everyone was right. Except that there was no way for me to really grasp the idea of how hard it would be until I actually had the baby.
The difficulties:
– My colostrum did not come in until day 2 (and it was only a teaspoon per day at most) and milk didn’t come in until day 4. Therefore, my nipples were raw, cracked, and bleeding, but I was still told to continue attempting to breastfeed. I would be sitting on the couch sobbing while poor BR was sucking like mad for nothing.
– BR was tongue-tied, which made her latch terrible. This was one of the main causes of her weight loss because she wasn’t getting anything out of her sucking. Her pediatrician snipped the bottom of her tongue when she was 2-days old and it helped a little.
– Not knowing what the heck I was doing. Seriously. I had no clue.
– The first two weeks I was running on pure adrenaline. After that, I don’t know how I was functioning at all.
– Not being able to distinguish her cries. When she cried, I would change her, hold her, sway her, and/or feed her. After all that, if she was still crying, then I’d have no clue what was wrong and get stressed out.
– Being up all night. Sucks.
– I didn’t know it then, but BR was a colicky baby.
But then, there is the bright side.
Her.
I love her so much. No matter how hard the nights are, the second I see her in the morning, I fall in love all over again. She’s getting chunkier week-by-week, she’s becoming more alert when she’s awake, and she’s becoming less of a “blob” and more of a tiny baby girl.
The first month SUCKS.
But like everyone told me, it only gets better. Each day I learn a little more. And it *is* getting better.
I am thrilled. I am blessed. I am grateful and thankful.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
Aaaaah, the pictures at the end … I die! BR is so adorable!!
I can’t believe you spent the night alone. That is horrible!! Do they not tell the hubbies to stay?
I felt like my time at the hospital was to recover so I had them take the LO at night. I hope that doesn’t sound terrible but after 29 hours of labor …. I just wanted to sleep!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@Andrea: Yeah, when I tell people that I sent the hubs home, their jaws drop and they tell me I’m an idiot! LOL! It was the dumbest thing I ever did. At the hospital I delivered in, they only take the babies if they need medical attention – otherwise they stay with mom. I was desperate for sleep. From the time my contractions first began to the time I was released from the hospital, 52 hours had passed and I only slept 3-4 hours in that time. :S
cherry / 114 posts
she is adorable!
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
Wow, thank you for the realistic play-by-play! I’m so sorry it was so stressful, but it is important that us future mommies know what’s coming, so thank you for being totally honest. Either way, that whole story got a lot less horrible as soon as all of those pictures of BR showed up. How cute!
guest
What a beautiful little girl
I am so sorry to hear that you spent your first night alone… my husband stayed with me, and it was STILL the worst night ever, but at least we could take turns, you know?
Funny thing (or not so funny): the day after our LO was born we were told that the baby’s second night is usually crazy with crying and wanting to suck nonstop: basically the worst night of your entire existence. We were like, um, where were you yesterday with this info?!
But you are so right: it’s awesome being a mom.
persimmon / 1396 posts
Holy crap. I go in tomorrow morning to be induced. I can totally see this happening to me. I will not be sending my husband home. If I have to suffer, so does he! (I’m halfway joking)
I’m glad everything turned out ok in the end, and your baby is gorgeous!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
Ugh. I can’t imagine being alone the first night!!! Don’t let him leave next time!!
Loved reading your story again!!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
Wow, it sounds like you went through a really crazy month. BR is adorable.
pomegranate / 3225 posts
Thank you for writing this! It’s definitely a reality check to know that birth isn’t even necessarily the hardest part!
grape / 86 posts
Oh goodness. Thank you for being so honest. I had no idea how stressful the first month would be either. I mean really, how do you even mentally prepare for it? Combine all the stress and change, with sleep deprivation, postpartum hormones and pain from delivery & its EASY to feel like a lunatic. I literally thought there was something wrong with me because I thought it was supposed to be such a joyous wonderful experience. LO will be 5 weeks Friday and I just came out of the fog of the first month. It’s nice to know that other ppl had the same experience as me.
P.s. – you lasted a lot longer than I would have! I would have had DH on the phone to come back before he could have made it to the elevator!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
hehe, I have to admit I went onto your blog to get the spoiler. Girl, you are CRAZY for sending your hubs home to sleep. I do not know what I would have done without Wagon Sr. there (he didn’t even SHOWER while we were in the hospital– I did!!) and the nursery at night. Wagon Sr. told me when he took Wagon Jr. to the nursery at night there’d be a LINE of dads with the bassinets waiting to be checked in to the nursery. They’d bring Wagon Jr. back every 2 hours or so to breastfeed and then take him back to the nursery. I really don’t know how you lasted all night with BR crying in your room, and you all alone!!
And I totally hear you about the placenta and stitches being the worst. That was the worst pain– so much worse than the actual delivery because your adrenaline has stopped flowing by then.
BR is SO SO SO SO SO….. CUUUUUUUUUTE. I absolutely love her face and her chubs. She actually reminds me a lot of Wagon Jr. — the eye shape, I think, and of course the round cheeks and chubby body!!! And the little heart shaped mouth!! She is too cute.
coconut / 8299 posts
Wow, what a story! The way you described everything was so vivid. I felt like I was right there with you! And I totally understand about feeling alone at the hospital. My husband was running around all day trying to finish up our home renovation (my water broke the day before our major home renovation project started) and only stayed with me on the last night of our 4 day hospital stay. I was alone with the baby for basically 3 days.
Reading your story brought back a lot of the feelings that I had at the hospital. Thanks for being so honest. It’s comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt so alone! You’re so brave and I’m so glad you made it out alive! BR is sooooo adorbs!
grapefruit / 4819 posts
Oh my goodness, my anxiety levels have just quadrupled I think. At my hospital, husbands don’t get to stay the night unless we get a single room (usually only for mothers who have had traumatic births) so now I am absolutely petrified. I am praying like mad that I don’t tear – I keep hearing that everyone feels the stitches when they’re put in and that is almost enough to make me want to ask for a c-section! Ok, not really, but that terrifies me.
Anyway, you’re a fabulous writer and your birth story is one of the best I’ve ever read. Thank you for sharing, scary details and all, and best of all, thanks for sharing the pictures of your gorgeous little girl!!!
clementine / 889 posts
My first night was awful too! I didn’t send DH home, but he slept in the 2nd bed in our room and he was so exhausted that he didn’t wake up no matter how loud DS screamed. He slept through it all from 8pm to 7am. Lucky SOB. DS was born at 6am, and slept most of the day. Family left around 7 or 8pm and we were on our own.
I had trouble sleeping and DS was up most of the night. He wouldn’t sleep in his bassinet and the hospital didn’t want us cosleeping in the bed if I was going to actually sleep. So I was up. Finally I sent him to the nursery, but he was brought back 20 minutes later because he wouldn’t stop screaming. I was in tears trying to feed him through his screams, mad that DH wouldn’t wake up, hungry and alone. It was awful. And to top it off, once DS was quiet and we were in bed together and I was finally dozing (with DS wedged next to me and a bunch of pillows propped so he could absolutely not fall out of the bed) a freaking 3 year old ran into our dark room, knocked over the rolling cart they put your meals on, and was finally found by her father. We left to go home the next day instead of staying a second night. I had my parents and DH at home, and it was much better than the hospital.
apricot / 426 posts
Wow, I was getting teary and welled up as I read this. Poor you!
Can I ask a question: If your milk doesn’t come in right away, what does your baby eat? Does the baby just not eat until the milk comes in? Do you try to give formula? I have always wondered about this when I’ve read about delayed milk.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@Jumpingjacks: We had to supplement with formula…And because she couldn’t latch onto a bottle, either, we had to syringe-feed her. It was so sad and stressful!
persimmon / 1255 posts
Yes, you’re definitely crazy to send hubby home, lol. Thanks for sharing, you’re a great writer – I felt like I was right there with you.
guest
@Ree723: I had stitches (a lot of them!), and didn’t really feel them… I think it depends on the person, the situation. I was sewn up with my LO on my chest. All I remember is gushing on and on to everyone in the room, and talking to my LO… my midwife would interrupt every few minutes to let me know what she was doing (down there…), but I pretty much ignored most of what she said until I had to push the placenta out. Ouch. Not major ouch, but I remember thinking that it hurt more than I expected.
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
I’m so sorry you had such a rough time at the start, but thank you for being so honest about it!!
kiwi / 537 posts
Your daughter is stunning!
Thank you for being so honest. Totally agree – First month is insanely difficult, my DH had to go back to work the day after we got home from the hospital because he had just started a new job and I was alone to fend for myself.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
LOVED the conclusion (reading it, not that it happened that way!!) to a story I already loved from the get go, thanks for sharing your REAL story!
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
OMG!!! BR is freaking adorable!! I love all her rolls so much that I just want to gobble her up. Okay, that was a bit morbid, and I didn’t mean literally gobble her up. Thanks for our sharing your story. I cringed in pain and cried with you while reading your story.
clementine / 861 posts
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think this is really good information for women who haven’t given birth yet! Your daughter is adorable!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
Oh. My. Goodness. You got out of bed to get her!? I could not move out of bed and I three stitches for a tiny tiny little hairline tear. This should be a PSA to make sure someone is there to help you in the hospital! Mr. S was just telling baby S how he got up with him to bring him to momma every couple hours during his first night. It was really sweet.
I had trouble BF’ing too, but every time I’d feed him, I would call the hospital LC. They were awesome.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
@Jumpingjacks: They have enough fat stores built up that they can last until your milk comes in. You just need to try bfing every two hours to stimulate your body to make milk.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
@Ree723: I did not feel the stitches!
apricot / 426 posts
@Rubies: @Mrs. Stroller: Ah ha! thanks.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@dnmommy:
yay! Thank you
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@highwire: I hope people don’t thinks this is “normal”! LOL…My experience was what it was and I wouldn’t have it any other way but it was still so scary! Nothing can prepare you!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@babynumber1: Good luck!!!!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@Alivoo01: I want to gobble her up, too!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@Red: @chopsuey119: Trust me, if ever we have more children, hubs is sleeping over, I don’t care! I was so stupid thinking I would be fine!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@WiLLoWtReE: Most of my sadness in the beginning was because I really thought that it would be easy if I was a “real” mom. But it’s hard! Every day!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@Mini Piccolini: @Pipers Mommy: @mrsjyw: Thank you for reading and enjoying!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@mrstilly: My husband slept through and still sleeps through LO’s crying. He says that her screaming is his lullaby. WTF.
clementine / 889 posts
@Rubies: DH slept through the crying for the first three months! I’d have DS in bed between us screaming and he wouldn’t even stir. He never heard him, which made me panicked to ever leave DH with DS if DH was tired. He will fall asleep standing up and it worried me.
Though once DH was home with DS for the summer (he’s a teacher) he was much more in tune with DS and now he wakes up to him better than I do sometimes.
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
@Ree723: Don’t freak out – it’s different for everyone. I had an un-planned c-section. My husband stayed the night and tried to sleep in that awful fold-out armchair bed thing, but I was so pumped up on adrenaline from a loong labour that I handled the whole night on my own without any trouble at all. I wasn’t very mobile so I struggled a bit trying to get ahold of the bulb suction thingy when Baby was coughing up water (c-section babies do that) which was a little rough, but all in all we did great. I wanted to have baby pretty much on me for the first hours anyway (he was born in the evening) so it was just as I would have wanted it. So don’t stress – you’ll be fine!
grapefruit / 4819 posts
@ Jill: @Mrs. Stroller: @Mini Piccolini: Oh thank goodness! I’m happy to hear not everyone feels the stitches and I’m also happy to hear that not everyone finds the first night so rough. I hadn’t even really thought about that part but once again, it seems to be that everyone has a completely different experience so I guess I will just have to wait and see how it goes for me. Thanks for the reassurance ladies!
kiwi / 718 posts
I loved reading this; you’re a great writer. I’m so sorry that you had such a rough time. Our first month was definitely the hardest as well, so far. Thank you for sharing! Love the sweet photos
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Aww, thanks for sharing your story!
guest
I don’t know why but your story made me cry! Parts of it made me laugh, other parts made me cry…You recount was amazing!
And what a beautiful baby you have!! Thank you so much for sharing!!