A couple months ago, I had my first baby shower while visiting my family in Canada. It was amazing to say the least! So many old friends stopped in to support my husband and me in this amazing journey. As grateful as I was for everything, I had some minor bumps that week. We had just received an email from some wonderful friends that they were expecting their first baby. This was great news! I rejoiced with them and their fantastic news! But my heart still hurt because of reasons I find harder and harder to explain. I don’t want to sound in any way ungrateful for our given circumstances, because I am not. I am as happy as an expectant mother! I think it’s just something most people will never understand, unless you’ve been in these shoes.


A simple DIY banner made of cupcake liners

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The morning of my baby shower, the house was busy as everyone cleaned and got everything ready. I was so excited and oddly enough, nervous. It was as though this shower might jinx the whole adoption process by having all this baby stuff. I was afraid it might be bad luck, or something silly like that. Have you ever been so excited for something, you’re afraid it might never happen? That’s how it was for me!  I couldn’t shake this feeling as I mingled with all the guests.


My hard working family helping with preparations

As I opened each card and read the words that poured out of every single one, I realized something. They all had the same message: we can’t wait to meet YOUR sweet child. YOUR little baby. YOUR precious one. Not once did I hear adopted. It was as though I was carrying our child — maybe not in my belly, but ever so close to my heart. I’m sure our guests could see this by the amount of tears we all shared by the end of the day.


Cute little bottles filled with candy as favors

The reality of it all didn’t really hit me as I opened each gift, although at times I would feel my chin quiver, like the moment I opened my mother’s gift and found a hand crocheted baby blanket she made just for us. That alone made everything start to sink in. When I packed away all these sweet presents from all our loving friends and family, that’s when it really sunk in. Here was this suitcase packed full of baby toys, clothes, wash cloths, burp blankets, pacifiers and so much more for our baby. I suddenly felt this lump in my throat as I secretly whispered, “I can’t wait to meet you baby. Mommy wants to hold you so badly, but we have to wait just a little bit longer.” Even now as I type this, I find tears streaming down my cheeks. Who knew such love could exist between mother and child? I love my baby, so much it hurts. I thank God for giving us this gift, and this opportunity to love another in this capacity.


My “fake” little bump

I am so thankful for my amazing and supportive family and friends who made my first shower so very special. I feel so loved by each and every one of them. It has been amazing sharing this adoption journey not only with them, but now with all of you!