I feel like I’ve been a bit of a hermit thus far in my maternity leave. Obviously I didn’t expect to be gallivanting around town without a care in the world with Baby H stuck in her stroller all day, but I also didn’t expect to rarely leave the house. Sometimes I feel like I stare at the same four walls for 24 hours a day, and sometimes it’s for no other reason than the fear of the unknown.
You see, many people have told me that if I just take my baby out and about in her car seat, she’ll just sleep. Apparently when your baby is itty bitty, it’s the best time to go out to lunches and dinner while baby just snoozes away next to you. But Mr. H and I remained fearful that we’d be the ones in the restaurant with the crying screaming baby and absolutely panic while people stared. We have a baby who likes to be held and bouncing all the time.
My heart is so sad when she’s sad!
While we often talked of getting out for a lunch to see how things went, we hadn’t followed through with it. And then something horrible happened a couple of weeks ago: my grandfather passed away and Baby H and I had a funeral to attend (Mr. H unfortunately had work commitments that he could not get out of so she and I were on our own!). It was now sink or swim time because we had to go completely outside of our comfort zone. In addition to my grief, I had to grapple with attending a funeral service with Baby H, a lunch after the service, 4-hour car rides (where fortunately my sister drove us so I could concentrate on baby!), and a stay in a hotel. Talk about getting out of the house!
I approached the trip with a lot of fear! Baby H hadn’t been further from our house than the 10-minute trip to the pediatrician. She rarely rode in the car and as I shared earlier, we hadn’t taken her to a lot of public places beyond Starbucks and the grocery store. We’re hermits, remember?
My mind is still spinning with how well she did! We were able to sit in the entire funeral service where she slept in my arms. At the lunch after the service, she slept in her car seat for over an hour while I rocked it, and then was angel for all of the family members who couldn’t wait to hold her. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the hotel. She loved it! She didn’t fuss once and loved laying on the big king-sized bed! In a nutshell, Baby H was a dream baby.
It made me realize that keeping her inside due to our own fears of the “what if” weren’t helping her at all. She needs to be seeing new faces, hearing new voices and in general getting away from the same sights and sounds day in and day out. I mean, of course in our general routine we take her for walks in her strollers, but I don’t think that’s enough*. She seemed to thrive on seeing new faces and being in places where there’s the hum of people talking in the background.
After the trip, I of course circled back to the need to bite the bullet and take her to a restaurant for the first time. We live in a very family friendly neighborhood so we had plenty of places to go for our first meal out as a family. We chose a little place by us that has a great outdoor patio and went on a gorgeous day. The patio was half empty when we arrived and almost everyone there had kids. Perfect. Baby H did great in her stroller next to us. I even celebrated by having a beer, my first alcoholic beverage since last summer! I wondered why we hadn’t tried this sooner!
And then the fussing began. The fussing led to crying. The crying led to Mr. H walking around and bouncing her while I ate my lunch, and then him handing off a sleeping baby to me while he ate his lunch. So, just like at home, we ate in shifts!
But, we survived.
It’s hard to say why Baby H could do so well the funeral weekend but struggled with a simple lunch out. I like to think that she sensed everyone’s grief around her and it calmed her to some degree. Or maybe the travel simply tuckered her out. But I do know that I can’t let fear hold us hostage! So what if she cries? Or screams so much we have to get our food to go and head back home? That’s life. On the flip side, our next trip out could result in a perfectly calm baby sleeping at our sides. Who knows? What I do know is that it’s important for all of us right now to just get out of the house from time to time!
And seriously, how could I deprive the world of this adorable face?!
*Of course, this is not to mean that I would let strangers on the street hold her or get too close! She’s a new baby so first and foremost we definitely want to keep her safe.
Have you feared taking your baby to places where he or she might cry and raise eyebrows? What do you do to get over the fear?
apricot / 277 posts
It took me a while to realize I can’t shelter my baby or hole up at home. Especially with breastfeeding — it’s hard to get out and do things with a baby!
Yours is a cutie though, makes it all worth it even if you have to eat in shifts
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I’m sooo afraid of taking her out!! I think I will feel better after she gets her 2 month shots. And yea….the crying too. Hers is ear piercing!
grapefruit / 4120 posts
My dad and his wife came into town when my newborn was about 6 weeks old. I felt obligated to get out and I took that baby everywhere! Tour buses, really nice restaurants, museums. We breastfed in all those places. He did GREAT and although it was a tiring week, I am thankful for this trial by fire.
Eating in shifts happens for sure. But it’s no reason not to try.
Now, when the baby becomes a temperamental toddler, that’s when things get even more complicated!
grapefruit / 4817 posts
I made myself leave the house with him, and we were out and about within 2 weeks. I think my baby blues would have been far worse if I didn’t force myself to re-enter the real world. Thank God for the Ergo carrier!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Sorry about your Grandfather.
I started going stir crazy and took her out on short trips before her 6 week check up…quick trips to see Grandma, Target, etc. It got easier every time!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
LO had reflux so she cried A LOT when she was a newborn. But we love to go out, especially me since I’m stuck at home with her all day. We always ate outside, and we always ate in shifts too. Not the ideal situation, but it worked.
Now that LO is 10 1/2 months old it’s much easier to go out. She eats finger foods in her high chair while we eat. Sometimes she’ll get fussy and someone will still have to go walk with her, but in general life is easier.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
When our twins were first born and we were getting used to the idea of three babies it was very difficult to even conceive of going anywhere. But we got used to handling them in public and I got used to just knowing that sometimes you just have to leave.
I have learned that for the most people are not judging you as a bad parent if your child is fussy. Don’t get me wrong, some do but for the most part they don’t. I was hauling my fussy brood out of the mall after some temper tantrums. I know I must have been a sight. My infant was in her carrier on my chest. My oldest was thrown over my shoulder as he hit my back and kicked his feet. My twins were crying but walking willingly to the car. I was telling my oldest that we were leaving because of his behavior. If he had been good we could have stayed but because of his tantrum we were leaving. A lady walking towards me said, don’t worry mama its a rough day but your doing the right thing.
I like to call it the walk of shame. Whenever I have to leave somewhere with a screaming toddler I feel so judged, even if no one is around. So I also had to change my attitude. Who cares what some stranger in a restaurant thinks about me and my screaming children as I haul them out to the car. It is likely that I will never see them again. I have had my fair share of resaurant food packed up into to go packages because it just wasn’t working.
Once you get used to it, its really not that bad. Getting out of the house usually reduces the amount of fussiness for my boys becasue they have something new to look at. Good luck getting out more and remember to have fun!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
Baby H is adorable.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
“So what if she cries?” This exactly. It gets easier each time, trust me.
guest
We just figured everyone knows that babies cry, and it wasn’t a big deal. We took our son out at 1 1/2 weeks of, and never stopped. Dinner, concerts, movies, and now as a toddler we still take him everywhere. Yes sometime we still end up eating in shifts, but we love going out.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I eased myself into taking baby S out by going to breastfeeding support group each week. He only ever fussed when he was hungry so it was the perfect spot to whip ’em out and give him a snack! At 9w we took a 14 hour car ride to my parents and he and I went out quite a bit to lunch with girlfriends, shopping, etc.
I think that at about 4 or 5 months it became much easier to take him places. Now I just stick him in the sling and he’s happy to sit there observing everything. When he was tiny I wondered how moms did the grocery store alone…now I get it
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
Oh man, I/we take him everywhere! We try to time it right and usually don’t take him out in the evenings when he’s most fussy, but I’ve taken him out to lunch and shopping every week since he was probably two weeks old! If he starts fussing, I just nurse him. Fitting rooms are my friend, especially the handicap ones that are big enough for the stroller to fit. Also, when eating out, I try to sit on the patio (I live in Southern CA, so this is easier with our awesome weather) so if he fusses, it isn’t echoing throughout the restaurant.
Love that last picture!!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
Ahhh she’s so cute! I didn’t go out much the first few months of LO’s life too. It was just so much more convenient staying home.
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
so sorry about your grandfather…
here’s hoping the summer brings you lots of fun adventures out of the house!
pomegranate / 3388 posts
I had a *really* hard time leaving the house with LO at first. I’d have major anxiety every time we left the house b/c I’d worry so much about everything that could go wrong. So we stayed in a lot. Recently I’ve started getting braver, and we now try to venture out every day. At first it was really scary, but now we’ve gotten it mostly figured out. I find that my baby still naps best when we’re out and about, so it’s in my best interest to leave the house.
kiwi / 623 posts
I have this fear sometimes too…and LO is now 4 months. It can be difficult/embarrassing/whatever you want to call it but it’s still good to get out. I try to get out the door right before its LO’s naptime so he will be asleep by the time I get to wherever. He also enjoys being in the sling (we have a baby k’tan) so when he’s awake, I will put him in there. As long as your LO is fed or changed, they’ll be okay. And when your LO is tired and you’re still going t be out for awhile, take the time to calm her and when she falls asleep, you go on your way
I feel like as a first time mom, this is definitely an adjustment/hurdle to we have to cross.