Hellobee

aww I’m so sorry! What about tutoring? Tutoring online? Tutoring in the summers to supplement and/or build up a stash so that you can one day stay home?

Being a SAHM would be a dream job for me. I go back to work on July 2 and it’s making me depressed. I’m a writer and would love to stay at home and work on my book while she’s napping. But we live in NYC and having one income would really affect our quality of life in terms of what we can provide for LO.

I wish I was a teacher sometimes! Hubby is and I am so jealous that he is spending the summer off with our daughter.

I understand you point but I think you’re looking at the “just a mom” comment from the wrong angle. I don’t think they are complaining about being a sahm. I think most women say it because they feel like what they are doing make them inferior to working moms. There’s always been an ongoing debate between working moms and stay at home moms where sahm’s tend to be looked at as lesser because they are “just” a mom. I’m wondering if part of the inspiration for this post came after Jenna at That Wife posted about this. If so, my interpretation of her post was that she was going to stop saying “just” a mom because being a mom is the most important job and it deserves the same type of respect as someone who is a teacher, doctor, lawyer, or politician. I think Jenna’s intent was to stop putting herself in a lesser category than working women and be proud of her decision to stay home and raise her son.

@eeh: I thought about Jenna’s post too!

I definitely want to be a SAHM. I’m pregnant now, and we are trying to move solely to DH’s income and use mine to pay down debt. Without the debt (small credit cards and larger student loans) we’d be able to live on his income easily. But we have the debt, so I can’t stay home until it is paid off. I’m hoping we’ll be able to put a big enough dent in it by November so I can stay home and not go back to work. But it is TOUGH. I’m trying to be flexible and readjust as we go, and try to make this work.

I could have written this! I too don’t look forward to going back to teaching. I love teaching, but I love every minute with my baby. I have been transitioning myself & baby with daycare. He goes part time, while I get stuff done around the house and start planning lessons for the fall. The departures and separation is hard, but we are getting used to it.

I have also thought about opening my own daycare, but our economy wouldn’t allow a secure/consistence source of income, and I’d work long hours. As teachers we only work 10 months a yr, 7 hours a day, paid vacations, and health insurance are nice to have. I think the reality is…I have to work. If we didn’t have bills & mortgage up the ying yang, then I could stay home. Did you ever consider opening a daycare? Or working as an online professor? (I looked into it, and applied, but they didn’t hire me, even with a masters degree, because I don’t have online teacher experience)

Luckily for me I teach elementary, so in 5 years, I can bring my son to work with me.

Good luck, there is still time to think about other options, or if not, start the search for a sitter and start transitioning to daycare part time.

I’m a SAHM and I love it.. It’s a dream come true. I hope things work out so you can eventually stay at home with your LO(s) too!

Yes, I would like to be a SAHM if I didn’t have student loans from law school to pay back. But working is ok now that we’re into a routine. And his daycare momma genuinely loves him so I feel good leaving him with her.

I was at the end of a nanny job when I found out that I was pregnant, and at the time, we didn’t think I was going to be able to stay at home. I remember holding the sweet baby I nannied for and being so sad on the inside (sometimes cried while he was napping!) because I couldn’t imagine missing all the moments with my son that I had witnessed with the baby I nannied for. Well after my husband transitioned from a very stressful and competitive sales job where he could be let go if his numbers were poor to a more secure one, we decided that I would be able to stay at home even though my husband’s income was half of what it used to be. Sounds crazy, but it was the right decision for us. I love staying at home with my son.

Do you think you could negotiate a part-time position? The lady I nannied for really wanted to stay at home, too, and this year she was able to negotiate a part-time contract. My other friend who is a high school teacher did this, too. And I agree with @regerberdaisy, what about tutoring? My in-laws are in California, and they have told me numerous times how well tutors get paid!

I hope you will someday be able to have your dream job!

I actually wrote a post called “Dream Job: SAHM” while I was a SAHM! Not exactly the same tone as your post, and although I was one for 18 months and am much, much happier as a working mom now, I can totally understand how you feel. I never really felt weird about saying I was “just a mom” because I knew I’d eventually go back to work (my ideal situation was to stay at home until my kids were in elementary school) and no, I never went to cocktail parties

Wagon Jr. is doing great in his preschool-style daycare, and I can’t wait to send Lil Miss Wagon to the same one when she turns 15 months old. But we are perplexed as to how to handle childcare until then. Between my short maternity leave, my mom coming in and out, me working just 3 days a week, and lots of accrued time off for Wagon Sr., we’re hoping to stretch out to when she’s 6 months old, then find a home-based daycare she can go to until she’s 15 months old. I wish we could afford a nanny, but it just won’t fit in the budget with the double daycare costs.

Aw, I hope you can figure something out if you want to be home. I guess it goes to show that the grass is truly always greener, since I am home right now but want to go back to work. However, I have also essentially been around for almost all of my son’s first year since I used to work from home a lot. I may have felt differently when he was smaller like your little guy.

Anyone who judges someone for choosing to be a SAHM is not someone I’d want to have a long conversation with, cocktail party or no

I think being a SAHM would easily be my dream job if I didn’t sit here worrying about money the entire time. I am a SAHM now, but it’s filled with angst, worry, and guilt because we can hardly afford just the necessities. I wish I could work to help out, but I wouldn’t make enough to justify childcare. It’s a hard boat to be in. If my husband made even just a fraction more, it would be so different for me.

@Zuzu2and11: My husband is a mathematics professor and is always looking to make a little extra on the side with tutoring – but jobs are REALLY hard to come by! I feel like unless you live in a big city (our town is of 25,000), tutoring jobs are really hard to find consistently.

@Coco Bee: Definitely a good point! My in-laws live near a big city.

it is so hard to want something so badly and just not be able to make it work for the time being…i think working part time will be a really good balance for me, but there are certainly times when i’ll know i’ll miss my son, even during the 4 hours i’m away from him.
big hugs…and here’s to a magical summer for you and your baby boy.

SAHM is my dream job too. That’s our plan for now, at least for the first few years.
I feel like it’s not very popular to say you’ve always wanted to be a SAHM. Like, why did you go to college and do this and that if all you want to do is stay home? So, generally, I keep that opinion to myself and only talk about it with H and my family, but yeah, it’s the number one thing I have always really wanted.

I never wanted to be a SAHM until I got older…and so far I love it. I never loved my job…I loved the paycheck but that was about it. It was so hard to walk away from the extra money but I LOVE being home and taking care of LO and running our household. But I will admit that when i was younger (and a dummy) I judged girls who said their dream job was to be a SAHM.

I do feel a little insecure when I go to parties and new people ask what I do…or one time a person called taking a survey and the options were whether I was employed full time, part time or unemployed…I wanted to say I was employed as a SAHM…but technically I am “unemployed” even if it is by choice.

I am a teacher too and have always thought that my career would give me the perfect mix between being an involved mom while still bringing in income to support the fam. Now, I’m 15 weeks pregnant and beginning to panic! Getting pregnant right away wasn’t as easy as we thought so my plan to time the pregnancy for the end of the school year went out the window. My paid maternity leave will run out in early February, which means 4.5 months of day care before summer vacation! I’m hoping and praying we can squeeze a month or so out with me not getting paid, and that my mom will come fill in for a while after that – at least until the baby is three months. I never thought I’d want to be a full time SAHM before, but I can’t help but think the desire will get stronger and stronger as my pregnancy progresses … not to mention when baby is actually here!

I am in the EXACT same boat as you…except I teach middle school. I’m so lucky with the timing of my pregnancy that I get 4.5 months at home with my LO, but the thought of going back gives me panic attacks. I have no desire to do anything other than take care of my child, husband, and home. I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day as it is, how am I ever going to get everything done when I’m working 8 hours on top of being a mom and wife????

I would like to be a stay at home mom one day. My ultimate dream is to stay home with my kids and write books.

My husband and I agonized over this choice when we found out I was pregnant. At first we assumed I would go back to work after my sick/vacation time ran out – but when we started looking into daycare costs in our area, it became apparent that the high cost would cut very far into my paycheck. We decided that I’ll be staying home, at least for a bit, after our baby comes in August. It’s not an easy decision….we’re not sure how we’ll survive on one salary, I have no idea how I’ll pay back my loans, I feel quite a bit of guilt leaving him as the sole provider, I’m worried about finding a job again someday, and I was also the one to carry our benefits. If it doesn’t work out then we’ll have to reevaluate – but for now I’m both excited and a bit nervous about being a SAHM.

I am a SAHM and it’s not my dream job, it never was. It’s done out of necessity and honestly, I don’t miss the drama and politics of the working world. I miss the adult interaction and the paycheck, but I am finding joy in my new role as a mom that happens to stay at home. I am not just a mom and I am not sad about it, BUT I never thought I’d be doing this when I pictured my life 10 years ago.

ideally I want to be a SAHM. I think it’s better for the kids and the family, if the mom is happy like that. I have always hated my career, but I do get paid well for what I do so I’m not sure what will happen once LO comes in November…

I used to think I’d want to be a SAHM but at this point I am glad I have a job and I enjoy doing different things and being around different people. Of course it’s not easy being a WOHM but it’s right for me. I think I realized that during my maternity leave when just about every day, I’d have this moment where I just wanted to scream in frustration. When I went back to work that stopped and I was able to be more patient with my babe.

I love my job and we can’t walk away from the income, so SAHM is not even a thought in our plans, but I’ve daydreamed about it from time to time. I think I’m at peace with it because my mom will be our primary caretaker once I go back to work and also because I get to work from home two days a week, so I feel like that gives me a taste of being at home with our LO.

Being a SAHM has always been a dream of mine too. I am super fortunate in that I live in Canada and have a full year of maternity leave. My LO is almost 4 months and I get anxious thinking that my time off work is dwindling away. While I do find I have limited adult interaction during the day and raising a newborn is incredibly taxing and frustrating at times, I would choose to be a SAHM over working outside of the home any day!

We are in the same situation with me having to return to work because of financial reasons. My DH knows how much I would love to keep staying at home so we have even discussed relocating so he has a better paying job and my SAHM dreams can come true.

@eeh: I did read Jenna’s post, but it was actually a post by someone else who inspired me to write this one. The two posts were written in the same week, so I kind of felt the need to show the reluctant working mom’s perspective.

@Zuzu2and11: @regberadaisy: I currently tutor and make great money per hour, but I’d have to have a lot more stability and several more clients to be able to quit my job.

I did ask about part time opportunities, but there aren’t any for me this year.