I’m a planner. I like to know what’s going to happen before it actually does and when things don’t go according to the plan in my head, it bothers me. However, baby TTT has changed everything about the way I used to live my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
First, I nurse him on demand. I tired feeding him on a schedule for the first couple of weeks of his life, but I felt like I was constantly looking at the clock and worrying about the time instead of enjoying him. I hated waking him up from a nap because it was time to eat, and it was agony denying him the breast when he started rooting before it was time for the next feeding. It’s so much easier now to just feed him whenever, wherever and not worry about the time.
My sweet cuddly boy with his Puppy Love.
Second, he doesn’t have a nap schedule. When he’s tired, he sleeps. If we’re out and about, he’ll nap in the car seat or stroller or moby. If we’re home, sometimes he naps in his crib, sometimes on my lap, sometimes in our bed next to me… you get the idea. I like that I don’t have to worry about being home at a certain time because he’ll only nap in a certain place.
Napping next to me in bed – loved having a king at the hotel in Palm Springs last weekend!
He also doesn’t really have a bed time. He goes to bed when we do, but that does tend to be around the same time each night. I usually start getting him ready for bed around 9pm (late for a baby, I know), then nurse him in bed until he falls asleep. He usually wakes up once around 3am (although last weekend when we were in Palm Springs he slept through the night – hasn’t happened since), but doesn’t cry; he just sort of grunts and roots and I nurse him and he falls right back to sleep. He wakes up somewhere around 7:30am and I change him, nurse him, pump, and we usually both take a morning nap until whenever.
Lounging (aka napping) poolside in Palm Springs.
While I like not being tied to a schedule now that I’m not working, I know it will be more difficult once I go back to work in August. I’m most worried about our nanny and how she will deal with the lack of a schedule.
So, now I have to decide whether I should stick to my go with the flow lifestyle I’ve developed over the last few months, or implement some sort of schedule for when I go back to work. I’m torn. On one hand, I don’t want to waste my last month off constantly worrying about the time, but on the other hand, I don’t want to make our care giver’s job any more difficult that it already will be. My mom will also being watching baby TTT one day a week and I know she would appreciate a little more structure, as well.
What do you think? Is it a terrible idea to leave my unscheduled baby in the hands of another?
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
We’re fairly unscheduled. I make it feel more Luke a schedule by saying, “ok we need to get in 3 naps today. Doesn’t matter when they happen as long as the last one ends by 6 pm”. M is more scheduled than Lala was, but that’s just her personality. She likes to go to bed by 7:30, so we try and do that for her.
I think a nanny can handle on demand sleeping and eating, so you should be ok when you go back to work.
guest
I was the same way with my little guy– nursing on demand, napping when he seemed sleepy, just enjoying our time together. When I went back to work and he went to daycare, he adjusted really well to more of a schedule. I think the first few months its so awesome to just go with the flow. Then at about 4 months, start putting to bed a little earlier and we did a little sleep training which in turn led to more of a nap schedule.
He’s just over 10 months now and its funny that even on the weekends, he loves his schedule. We know when he’ll be ready for a nap and it helps to plan our day.
So for now, just enjoy your time and don’t worry about a schedule! It will happen naturally.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
Thanks for this post. With all this talk of schedule I get so stressed out that she doesn’t nap x times a day. Or goes to sleep by x time every night. Much like you we have tried getting her on a schedule but she’s her own person and she just won’t have it! We’ve learned to accept she just plays by her own rules!
Good to know there are other similar parents out there!
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
We were pretty unscheduled until 3-4 months, when I instituted a very loose schedule following both his cues and Weissbluth. You may see patterns start to emerge shortly, which will help you strike a happy medium.
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
Like what Mrs. Yoyo said, you might be surprised to see that he does have a loose schedule. I did the same thing as you, and nursed/napped whenever so I could just enjoy my time off w/ DD. Before I went back to work, I started writing down the times that she went down for her naps and it actually was within an hour of each other every day. So she put herself on a schedule
BTW – I LOVE the 2nd picture of him cuddling with you. So cute!! And what is it that he’s holding?
guest
We aren’t in a schedule either. I have only ever breast fed on demand. But as he gets older (7.5 weeks) and is no longer as sleepy, I see him naturally settling into an eat/alert/sleepy routine. But, unless he is in a carrier, or we are driving, he won’t put himself to sleep. So I spend lots of my day rocking him to sleep and hoping he won’t wake up when I put him down. Maybe I am forcing it. Hmm
guest
In regards to child care professionals, they will get your child on whatever schedule works for the two of them. I was so worried how C was going to take naps without me. But daddy, grandma and our daycare mamma each figured it out, and so did C.
We kept our routines at home when I was there, and there were different routines when I wasn’t there. At such a young age, they figure it out too, just like the adults do.
Keep your routines at home. You’ll still enjoy the fact that he will tell you what he needs.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I was totally unscheduled except for bedtime during my maternity leave. And really, he didn’t get onto a schedule until recently (6m). By schedule I really mean that I just follow his lead and it seems to be roughly the same each day. I’d just go with the flow and enjoy the next couple months, no harm in that!
And FWIW M didn’t have an earlier bedtime until he was ~3 months old when it was 8pm and then he just kept moving it up. I asked friends how I’d know when he was ready for an earlier bed and they said I’d just know. It was unmistakable. Melt-down central just got earlier and earlier. Recently he started “telling” me he needs a 5:45 bath. And to think I thought a 9pm bedtime would last forever. Geesh!
guest
I have twin boys, nearly 4mos old. I went back to work 4wks ago and the Nanny has been great with our lack of a schedule. She feeds them when they are hungry and they nap when they need to… granted, their naps are starting to organize into a regular AM and PM nap. We put the boys down by 8 every night and they wake for the day after 5… we’re working on their wake-up time and still working on STTN… They recently started teething… uhg… coming on the heels of a month-long battle with thrush… it has been hard, but I know the sleep thing will sort itself out eventually.
guest
forgot to mention… without a set “schedule” you will be more nimble and potentially able to handle life changes and milestones like teething, illness, etc.
bananas / 9118 posts
That is exactly what we do- everything on demand. It actually works better for my husband since he has our son on the days that I work. It works for us, and I think we are all happier for it.
I hate feeling like a slave to the clock as it is, I would rather avoid the anxiety and go with the flow. I also LOVE not being chained to the house when it is time for a nap, if he is tired, he just falls asleep wherever we are
The funny thing is that once I got a smart phone, I started keeping a log on what his non-routine is on Baby Connect- he does lightly follow a routine of approximate times.
cherry / 226 posts
I am the same way…planning ahead, and it started to annoy me, until baby came and made life simple…to just go with the flow and enjoy the moments, let him lead. Eventually at 5 months his nap times became more consistent, and i followed him, now if we are off schedule, he gets mad! He wants his naps. I sent him to DC at 6.5 months and he follows their schedule. I am sure you Baby ttt will create his own consistent nap times eventually. I hope you continue to enjoy those naps before work starts.
grapefruit / 4049 posts
This is me too with both my kids. But while you don’t have a schedule, you do have somewhat of a routine… Just pass that along to your caregiver. I’m sure all will be fine!
persimmon / 1255 posts
I didn’t follow a rigid schedule but started noticing that LO followed a schedule all on her own. It’s changed as she got older but it’s pretty consistent – I just follow her cues.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
@BabyBoecksMom: it’s an angel dear lovie! Like a combo stuffed animal and small blanket. His is a dog.
kiwi / 623 posts
For now I’m a SAHM so we don’t have a strict schedule but I do mentally note when he last nursed and napped so that when he gets a bit fussy, I know what he needs/wants. Please do an update with your experience later with the lack of schedule with your nanny!
GOLD / pear / 1845 posts
We didn’t need a schedule with TG until 6 months, and then she really needed one. Complete meltdown if she went to bed 10 minutes late. No lie. Babies are all different. And kinda weird.
coffee bean / 41 posts
We didn’t really have a strict schedule either. Then, eventually E sort of developed her own little schedule which gave us a general idea of when things would happen (sleep, eat, play, etc)
cherry / 143 posts
Thank you so much for this post! Going through exact same thing as you, going back to work in August, LO is 9 weeks now, and stressed about getting her on a better sleep routine.
We’ve tried a few times to put her down “drowsy but awake” and she is not having it. So it’s back to sleeping in our arms, chest, or rocked to deep sleep for now.
guest
I know this is a pretty old post, but I thought I’d offer the point of view of a nanny!
I’ve been nannying for Max since he was 3 months old. (He turned 2 back in mid-June.) His mom was a first-time mom and kinda didn’t know which way to go either. She read in some book that the eat play sleep schedule on a 3 hour cycle was best. I kinda went along with it to humor her, but in reality, that only works for a minority of babies. Babies have their own internal clocks. Plus, since she exclusively breast fed (and waited too darn long to introduce a bottle…) her theory rarely worked since she never knew how much Max was actually eating each feeding. (I don’t mean to imply she is/was an idiot. She was doing some trial and error.)
Anyway, babies thrive off of a loose schedule. It can’t be so structured that they become agitated when thrown off schedule, but it can’t be so loose that they have no sense of time. I started sleep training Max around 5 months and he was sleeping like a pro (2, 2 hour naps and all through the night) at around 5.5-6 months. I always fed him right before he went to sleep and right after he woke up. (I also was watching a little boy 4-5 months older than Max, so it wasn’t always IMMEDIATELY after he woke up. Sometimes it was 10-20 minutes after.) Max, being on a loose schedule helped immensely with being able to stay sane as his nanny. It gives us both structure. It helps him know what’s coming next, even though he can’t tell time. I also spoke certain key words to him during each activity, so eventually he caught on to what was next. Now if I say “Night night,” “nap time” or “time for bed fred” (he’s a big fan of rhyming now) he walks down the hall to the bedroom. He lays down willingly (sleep training is so the way to go!!!) and sleeps for 2.5-3.5 hours in the afternoon and all night at bedtime. I know of kids who are 4 years old that don’t sleep through the night still!
I can also say that it helps for the nanny and the parents to be on the same page. Don’t get a timid nanny. She won’t communicate well. You need a nanny who knows what she’s doing and isn’t afraid to have an opinion, even if it’s different than yours. I always offer feedback on certain things Max’s mom wants me to try. Sometimes I agree with her. Sometimes I disagree, but try it out before letting her know I disagree. Sometimes I gently and humbly let her know something just doesn’t work/jive.
Overall, I think it’s less about what time it is (for younger babies) and more about “what’s coming up next”/”how long has it been since ______.”
Feel free to email me if you want to know more about my experiences. Oh and I also kept a daily journal about when/what/how much Max ate, BMs, wet diapers, medicine distributed, nap times, etc. I can email you the form if you want to look at it/adapt it for your use.
xo,
A