Co-parenting, at its best, can be downright hip.  Take the co-parents who just threw their four year old a pool party, inviting all of their friends and relatives.  The dad and mom coordinated the invite, pizza cutting, picture taking, and piñata hitting.  Neither parent seemed the least bit bothered by having to co-host with the other.  In fact, they made co-parenting seem fun.

I aspire to be such a model co-parent.  I really do.  But no matter how you slice it, getting to that level of co-parenting is tough.  Unlike a split without children involved, whatever caused the demise of the relationship can’t be completely put to rest before the logistics of child rearing need to be coordinated.

I still miss my baby’s daddy.  I wish it would have worked out.  That means that every time I see him, I feel a little rejected and a whole lot hurt.  Putting my feelings aside is one of my biggest priorities, because Baby T’s daddy and I are in this parenting relationship for the long-haul.  Treating our interactions with more formality has helped.  Making a schedule and using a mediator to negotiate money, time and logistics has also done a lot to make our interactions feel more business-like.  In a sense, that what it is; we’re in the business of raising Baby T.

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Co-parenting means that I’ve had to come to terms with Baby T visiting and spending the night at his dad’s new apartment.  As a mom, it has been difficult to drop off Baby T for an overnight without feeling sad.  In the past nine months, being a mom has become a big part of how I define myself.  Also, I have a certain sense that I know Baby T the best and he “needs” me to be around all the time, as a sort of validation of his place and security in the world.  Letting go means trusting that my baby’s daddy will be able to take care of Baby T during his middle of the night awakenings, fussy evenings, and be able to juggle Baby T when emergency runs to the grocery store for pacifiers, diapers and formula arise.

So what’s the good part?  For the first time in nine months, I truly have “me” time, time not allocated to working, taking care of baby, or running errands.  Last week I actually slept through the ENTIRE night.  I’m pretty sure I don’t have to tell anyone reading what an indulgence of eight hours of uninterrupted sleep is for a new mama.  And for the first time in a long while, I felt unadulterated joy – not from being with Baby T – but from doing something I feel passionate about.  I went whitewater kayaking and for the hour we paddled that new-to-me stretch of river, not once did I think about being a mom or what my baby needed or about my baby’s daddy.  All I thought was how my body and boat were interacting with the technical rapids and rocks immediately before me.

I have a hunch all moms, not just the single ones, struggle with taking time to feel that joy, without feeling just a little bit guilty about being away from their family.  Has anyone else taken some “me” time?  If so, what did you do?  Do you carve out time your baby spends with you, with dad, and with both parents?  Did you feel guilty for time away from your baby?