Becoming pregnant, as everyone reading this blog knows, is one of the biggest decisions in your life. And while there is such commonality we share in this process, each couple’s journey conceiving is individual and distinctive.
Ours was no exception.
As you know, Missus Scooter and I are in a same-sex marriage so our conception journey started with choosing a donor. Do we go with someone we know or choose an anonymous donor? Missus Scooter really wanted to choose someone we knew. Before becoming a stay at home mom, she was a police officer and a former member (the only female member) of the SWAT Team. So yah, it was important to her to have a “tactile” experience. She wanted to be able to look him in the eye, shake his hand, hang out with him, get a sense of who he was — not just statistics on a piece of paper. I understood. But when we started to unwind the mechanics of finding Mr. Wonderful in real life, we were left a little stumped. There were way too many variables, unknowns, and fears about the future. Plus actually knowing someone who fit all the physical and personality criteria we were looking for who was also willing to be a donor? This just seemed impossible. So we started our research online for a good cryobank.
We chose a cryobank that was very popular, well established, and came with several personal recommendations. In addition, it was important that the bank was accredited by the American Association of Tissue Banks, physician owned and operated, employed genetic counselors, had rigorous screening practices, offered incredible shipping and storage options, and gave many options for the type of relationship we may/may not have wanted to have with the donor.
It was easier than ordering a pizza. We’ll take a 6’2” athletic build with a side of hazel eyes, hold the straight hair. Sounds a little cheeky, but really, it’s kind of like that.
We decided to buy 10 vials because we knew it would likely take several tries and we also wanted to have enough to have another baby with the same donor. At $650 per vial, it wasn’t cheap. Gulp.
Next decision… who would carry? This was kind of fun. Having a choice about who would carry the baby is one of the perks of having a female partner. We were both open to being pregnant and neither one of us had any health issues that we knew about which would have caused a concern, so we made the decision scientifically. We flipped a coin.
Really. We did.
Now that Missus Scooter was all set to carry the baby, we tackled the next question about how to inseminate. Do we seek out a specialized fertility clinic? Do we go through our healthcare provider? Or could we do it ourselves at home? To help us make this decision, we started with a consultation at a well known fertility clinic in town. The discussion was very informative and quite technical. Because these folks are in the business of making babies (thankfully!!), they have all kinds of information ranging from tips and tricks to all-out mandates. About half way through our meeting, I noticed I’d lost Missus Scooter. She stopped asking questions. She shrank back in her chair. She glazed over. I reached over to grab her hand but it was a little lifeless. Uh oh.
I muscled my way through the rest of the consultation, making sure I understood everything we needed to know before we left. We paid a lot of money for this consultation so I wanted to squeeze as much information as I could. When we were done and walked out to the car, I didn’t even have to ask what was wrong before she burst into tears. It was too much. She was overloaded with the statistics, special diets, cycle tracking, ovulation prediction kits, increasing your odds, all the things that could go wrong, hlomid, basal temperatures, HcG, and and and…
“Don’t cry! I’ll carry the baby!” I said. Scientific decision reversal is just that easy.
We ultimately ended up choosing to inseminate through our existing healthcare provider. We felt going to the specialized fertility clinic was overkill since we didn’t know if we had “fertility problems” and the specialized clinic came with a specialized price tag. We ruled out do-it-yourself insemination (much to Missus Scooter’s chagrin) because the sperm bank wouldn’t ship directly to our home and we didn’t feel very comfortable that we would know what we were doing. Obviously we didn’t want to take any chances that we would do it wrong because we had no experience. Our healthcare provider seemed to be the solid choice: they had fertility coverage, they were flexible, and the insemination process was was 100% covered (I was double covered through my insurance and Missus Scooter’s).
Our practitioner wanted to start off with as few interventions as possible, since there was no known infertility issues. She suggested no drugs or hormones, just an ovulation prediction test. I had already been tracking my cycles for months and I could tell when I ovulated by paying attention to my cervical mucus. Using the ovulation predictor test was great because it was more data-driven and narrowed the window for ovulation. Available at drugstores and without a prescription, ovulation predictor tests detect the surge in luteinizing hormone (LH) in urine just before ovulation, typically 12-36 hours in advance. I read somewhere to use your test on a urine sample after 1pm, making the results more reliable so that’s what I did. The test I used was digital so I didn’t have to worry about reading the results right or wrong. I would suggest spending the extra few dollars for a digital test. A little smiley face was waiting when my LH surge was spiking.
After an LH surge was detected, I called my healthcare practitioner and they scheduled an appointment to inseminate the next day. Even on weekend and holidays. It was really easy.
We did intrauterine insemination (aka IUI), meaning the practitioner used a catheter to place the sperm directly into my uterus. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes, thus increasing the chance of fertilization.
Being yogis, mind-body connection is really powerful for us. I knew that my attitude, mental outlook, and physical body were all connected so we really wanted to be relaxed and at peace during the insemination process. I went for a maya massage the night before and did warm castor oil packs on my belly leading up to each insemination. On the day of, Missus Scooter and I dimmed the lights in the medical office (candles would have been preferred, but this was not an option). We played soothing music, held hands, and she was even able to be an active part of the insemination process. I practiced yoga afterward, drank tons of water and watched a lot of Real Housewives (don’t judge me).
And on the third try, it worked.
When I look back on our conception story, it really is unique, but then again, it’s not. It started with two people who love each other and who wanted to expand their bond by bringing a baby into the world. They had to do their fair share of work to conceive, but in the end managed to make a miracle with relatively little difficulty and stress. When I put it this way, it was quite typical.
What was the story of your conception journey?
guest
Love it! What a great story!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
Thanks for opening my eyes to a world I don’t know much about… and you’re so funny! Love your story! Our conception journey was very very ordinary – boy meets girl, boy marries girl, they decide to have a baby, they conceive, baby is born.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
What a lovely story. Also, even after being on these boards for over a year and other boards before that, I never know what IUI stood for, thanks for explaining that.
Our conception story was as simple as Mrs. High Heels’.
coconut / 8279 posts
love it!
we don’t have much of a story, just decided to go for it and were very grateful it worked.
pear / 1787 posts
Great post! I really like your voice.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
Thank you for sharing your story! We had a very basic TTC journey as well, so it’s nice to hear these interesting stories!
nectarine / 2177 posts
Thank you for sharing your story! Did you take the pregnancy test together? Can’t wait to hear more about your journey.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Oh my gosh, I love this!!!! Thank you for sharing your story!! I can’t wait to hear more about your journey!!
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
@maybebaby: we did take the pregnancy test together. since i am as regular as a clock, after 10 days had passed after insemination and no period, i was really giddy. missus didn’t want to take a test…she wanted to just “wait and see what happened.” i was ready to take a test on day 3 so we had different philosophies. after 19 days and no period, i knew i was pregnant and i insisted we take a test. i thought she would have given me more grief, but when i came home with the tests, she was so excited. i took two tests and we watched as the results came up. it was really cool.
pomegranate / 3225 posts
Thank you for sharing your story!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
oh my goodness what an insane experience!!! That is so funny to me that you two can just decide who gets to carry the baby… sometimes I wish I could have pawned it off on DH
haha!!
So Missus Scooter is a SAHM now? How did that work with your “maternity leave”? So many questions!! I’m so looking forward to your posts.
nectarine / 2177 posts
@Mrs. Scooter: That’s awesome! I was definitely like you in that regard…I am ashamed to admit that even though I knew there was no way to know so early, I started testing daily at 6 DPO…sometimes more than once a day.
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
@mrs. pen: it is pretty cool to have the choice. the next baby is on her though!
yes, missus is now a SAHM. i took 12 weeks maternity leave and we were home together for that time. priceless time and an amazing experience to do it together. when it was time for me to go back to work, i didn’t have to “teach” her anything or worry she didn’t know what the routine was since we were home together for the first three months.
@maybebaby: i would have tested daily if she would have let me. don’t be ashamed! us planning types NEED TO KNOW!!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@Mrs. Scooter: oh my goodness that’s amazing you were both able to take a 3-month maternity leave! what a blessing! What I wouldn’t have given for DH to be with me those first few months. I am officially jealous
Did you find, early on, that one of you was more inclined to want to stay home, or the other more inclined to want to work? It seems like in a man-woman relationship those roles are generally pre-conceived for us… but in a relationship like yours – that isn’t really the case.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Loved your story, and loved how y’all decided who was going to carry by flipping a coin!!! Can’t wait to read more about y’all!
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
Awesome story! Can’t wait to hear more!
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
@mrs. pen: you said it right…what a blessing indeed. california has a great Family Medical Leave Act and my company supported up to a 12 week maternity leave without disruption to our health benefits. we were lucky to afford the full 12 weeks so we took full advantage.
having me leave my job would have meant a significant change to our lifestyle and standard of living and thus was never really part of our decision process. the choice for missus to leave her career and become a stay at home mom was not an easy one for all of the same questions many struggle with: would she feel fulfilled? would she be intellectually challenged? what does it mean to leave your career? what about her pension? what would it feel like to not contribute monetarily? would society view this as a less-than choice? and more. the truth is it was a process that we worked through my entire pregnancy and we still kept the door “open” after Baby O was born on the off chance missus thought “i can’t do this!”
luckily for all three of us, motherhood clicked and it feels more natural than anything ever has to have her home with our daughter. for now, it’s working great.
kiwi / 542 posts
Great post! And I LOVE the pictures!!! Can’t wait for your next post
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
There was an article in the paper recently about questions not to ask a same-sex parent. One of them was, “so how did you go about doing it”? Thank you for satisfying my curiosity by sharing a very personal experience!
pear / 1672 posts
Thanks for this Mrs. Scooter! You, the Missus and Little Scooter are adorable.
kiwi / 733 posts
I am so glad you’re blogging!! Your story is both ordinary and extraordinary, and your writing is fantastic. Thank you for sharing!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
What a great story! I love how you made your “scientific decision”… that’s how I make a lot of my really big, important decisions too! Hey, it works!
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
Great post, I really enjoy reading your story. Can’t wait for more
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
what a great story! thank you for sharing! you guys are so cute in those pics — i can feel your excitement!
pomegranate / 3204 posts
Your posts are soooo interesting, can’t wait to read more!!
pomelo / 5000 posts
I’ve enjoyed your posts and look forward to learning more about your family.
This stood out to me: “. . . mind-body connection is really powerful for us. I knew that my attitude, mental outlook, and physical body were all connected so we really wanted to be relaxed and at peace during the insemination process. ”
Such a good thing to focus on and remember during the TTC journey.
I’d like to hear more about the Mayan massage–I thought about having one done, and it sounds very soothing. I’ve done castor oil packs, too!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Great post!
watermelon / 14467 posts
Thank you for sharing your story! I love the pictures, they show so much emotion!
grapefruit / 4817 posts
Love your story. One of my sisters’ best friends and her partner share a similar story to yours, and I think it is so interesting. Also, once they decided to have another child, they used the same donor, so that their children are actually full siblings.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
It’s so fun that you had so many options. We have a set of friends who decided to both try. In this case only one got pregnant (luckily) on the first try… but I have some gay male friends who had near twins because multiple options came through within weeks of each other!
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
@happygal: The maya massage process was pretty cool. It supports proper alignment of the reproductive organs and releases restrictions of the flow of blood, lymph, nerves, and chi. Uterine displacement and congestion can cause many women to have discomfort (seemingly unrelated to trying to conceive). There are at least 36 symptoms of a misplaced uterus, with these being the most common: painful menstrual cycle and ovulation; bladder and/or yeast infection; abnornal uterine bleeding; varicose veins; PMS/depression prior to menses; painful intercourse; low back pain; migraines; infertility/miscarriages.
The massage is best done well in advance of trying to conceive, will several sessions typically called for. My practitioner also had an at-home practice to perform in between sessions with her. I have to admit my at-home discipline was not as good as I would have wanted it to be, as it called for every night massages about 30 minutes before bed. That just seemed like a lot to me. The maya massage is not meant to “feel good” or relax you, since the practitioner is usually really working deeply in your lower abdominal area but mine was always in combination with a full body massage so that was a nice balance. The maya massage I had the night before my insemination was not a regular session with intense reproductive work, as she did not want to mess with my system when it was trying to ovulate. Instead, we mostly focused on the rest of the body with very simple and minimal attention on the abdominal area. She did some techniques to assure things were flowing and energy channels were open.
@mrs. jacks: You would be surprised how many people asked us if we might consider getting pregnant at the same time. They all said “that would be so cool!” OMG really?? Without a really good reason, I can’t imagine us doing this on purpose!! Haha!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Mrs. Scooter: I know! I was like, “why are you doing this?!”. They had a good point, it would be fun to go through pregnancy together and it might speed their chances to a baby… but the fun kind of stops there unless you are up for twins
olive / 71 posts
Wow I just loved this post. Congratulations to you and the missus! Can’t wait to follow your journey!
pear / 1837 posts
@Mrs. Scooter: @Mrs. Jacks: Oh my God, being pregnant at the same time as your partner sounds terrifying to me. Even if I could handle twins, can you imagine fighting over who gets to throw up where during the first trimester? And who has to go on the Taco Bell run at 3 AM? Or the number of bathroom breaks you’d have to take on every road trip, or the amount of snacks you’d have to carry everywhere?
Could be handy for breastfeeding though… either parent works!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Lozza: very forward thinking
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Great post! Thank you for sharing!
guest
Do you mind telling me which cryobank you chose to use?