If you’ve been following my updates, you’ll know that Wonder Baby is a terrible sleeper. She has ups and downs but in general is just brutal. Even on her good days she will only take her afternoon nap in her crib; the morning nap is always in the baby carrier on my back. On good nights she wakes up 3-4 times a night and nurses every time. That’s the good days. On bad days she will not nap at all and wakes up every hour to nurse all night long. Lately there have been more and more bad days.
Wonder Baby is a whole ‘nother story. I’ve tried multiple times to improve her sleep but she is very stubborn and I think I was just too distracted or two exhausted to fight hard enough. When you are very, very tired (not sleeping more than 3 hours ever for months) it’s hard to see how bad it’s gotten; you just keep doing what works and hope for improvement.
But then, everything stopped working. Wonder Baby would no longer nurse to sleep — she would close her eyes, relax against me, and then open her eyes and start blowing raspberries on my boob and laughing. Then she would try to sit up and crawl off to play. For a few days I fought this; I would let her nurse for half an hour, then put her in her crib where she would immediately start to cry, let her wail for 15 minutes in the vain hope that she would settle, and then go back in when she was upset enough to need to comfort nurse, nurse for another half hour or more, hold her for a few more minutes, then put her in the crib and pray that she didn’t wake up with the door shutting.
Does that sound like a great bedtime routine or what? In addition, I did this for three days over the weekend, which meant that Mr. SH was at work so Toddler Girl ended up watching Veggie Tales for over an hour every evening while I tried to get the baby to sleep. She thought this was awesome, as she normally gets very limited screen time. At least someone was happy.
So last weekend, I hit my breaking point. Seriously, it was ridiculous. Wonder Baby and I were both exhausted all day, which made me cranky and her clingy (which made me crankier). I also realized that I would soon no longer have a baby who slept badly — I would have a toddler who had never had a full night’s sleep in her life. So, what to do? I am not a fan of cry it out sleep training (although I was feeling much more ready to try it with her by this age), but here’s what I had tried already:
– co-sleeping: She wasn’t into it anymore. She would wake up and squirm until she was back in her crib and had some space. I also couldn’t settle her to sleep this way and then leave because she wanted to play.
– nursing to sleep: didn’t work anymore
– rocking to sleep: made her squirmy and mad
– pick up/put down: worked somewhat at 6 months but now just made her ragey
– putting her down drowsy but awake: also worked at 6 months but now didn’t
– sitting beside the crib with my hand on her: yet another thing that worked at 6 months but now just upset her.
– wearing her to sleep: worked for naps, but I couldn’t transfer her, so it would never work at night. Ditto for car rides.
Have I missed any attachment parenting ideas? If so, it’s because I’m tired. I seriously tried it all. I figured I was down to actual sleep training. She clearly wanted to fall asleep without my help, but didn’t know how. Leaving my daughter to scream in her crib was very unappealing. She’s super stubborn and has separation anxiety right now so I knew it would be very painful for us both, and possibly not work at all. Somewhere in this I had an online meltdown and some of the Bees suggested I look into a sleep consultant. I did a bit of research and found the closest consultant. She seemed great but was six hours away and around $400. I decided to file that under “last resort.” However, she mentioned that she uses the Sleep Sense program, so I decided to look it up. In the end I decided to go with it (and it’s working!), so I’ll explain it in my next post, because this one is getting to be a bit of a novel!
How did you finally solve your horrible sleeper’s sleep problems?
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I am so happy that something is working for you! Hope she will be STTN by your next update!
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
I will be looking forward to your next post, as I am sitting up at 4 trying to get my 14.5 month old back to sleep who has been up since 2. I am exhausted!!!!
guest
My 5 month old is a terrible sleeper too- up about every hour and a half to nurse, screams when we put her in bed. But then again she starts screaming the minute we walk into her room at night and start our routine. I’m just…. beat. So I can’t wait to see how your sleep training is going and hopefully get some pointers
guest
I am a strong believer in this: You do what’s best for your family. Everyone else can say what they want to say (and they sure do). Goodluck!
persimmon / 1396 posts
I am exhausted reading this! I hope you are getting some sleep in your house now!
pomegranate / 3275 posts
DD was (correction, IS) a HORRIBLE sleeper. She did the same thing as Wonder Baby…. We decided to sleep train at about 16 months old…. Hell is a nice way of putting what we went through while sleep training(though she never cried so hard she threw up, so we had that going for us). HOWEVER, at almost three she STILL wakes up!!! There are nights we have to go to her more than our ten month old son! She’s good to put down and self soothes, but there are nights where she wakes up and screams (she can’t find her paci, she has to go potty, she is scared, is it tomorrow yet etc etc etc). I’m beginning to think, born a bad sleeper always a bad sleeper…
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
I’m glad that something seems to be working (a little!) Good luck!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I’m glad you found something that’s working.
coconut / 8305 posts
Ooooh I’m excited for details! P still wakes through the night but it’s usually only 1-2 times and she does still co-bed just fine so I’m generally rested. This will be great to hear if this “Sleep Sense” fits with AP style parenting!
apricot / 275 posts
We’re in the middle of sleep training & I am so happy that you’ve found something that is working!
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
Oh man. No sleep is pretty much the worst thing–and harder to recognize than you think. I hope the sleep consultant works for you and get some more rest!
And I am definitely going to follow your story–my little guy is a frequent waker who wants more sleep than he is getting.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I’m looking forward to hearing how Sleep Sense works for you. At 7 months, M is struggling…and so are we.
guest
Ugh. We are in the same boat with my 12 month old and it’s seriously so awful! We live in a one bedroom in SF so sleep training is challenging. We are pro attachment parenting but I’ve been finding myself resentful and I’m not enjoying parenting because I’m so exhausted. We did what I like to call “fuss it out” for falling asleep and it really seems to work. He has continued to wake up at all hours of the night to nurse still so now we are on to night weaning. I am so jealous of babies who just figure out how to STTN!!!
guest
Dr. Jay Gordon Nightweaning was wonderful for us. At 1 year exactly and about 9 months for the second.
Naps are their own thing.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
We have decent sleep but at 10.5 months he’s not STTN either… interested to hear more!
guest
Ugh!! We are experiencing the same thing with a 12 month old and I just found out I’m pregnant again!! So excited for baby number 2 but am getting even more desperate for sleep… Wishing you the best and can’t wait to read your follow up!
guest
At 20.5 months I am stuck. Izzy wakes multiple times per night and will only be nursed back to sleep. I work full time and am always exhausted. So much so that I got sick and ended up with 2 months off work. I want to do something to change things but its just so hard and I’m always so tired….
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
you’ve written a cliff hanger!!! i can’t wait to read more. Baby O has always been a “good” sleeper but there are definitely times that she regresses. sometimes for a reason (sick, teeth) and sometimes for no reason i know of. i am bracing myself for the day when something just may not work anymore. i need to have some more tricks in my bag. waiting for next post….!
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
Annnddddd here we are in your shoes. Sleep sense didn’t work for us either. I’m so close to trying CIO for my own sanity. Who knew babies could wake up so much at this point!
Off to go reread part 2.
Hope you’re all doing well now.
guest
Wow you described my daughter (and myself) exactly. I’m interested to hear if the program worked
guest
Just stumbled along your blog
Wonderbaby sounds EXACTLY like my 11 month old. I’m exhausted…and not sure what to try next. Every night is a struggle. Do you have an update as to how she is sleeping? I know this was posted almost a year ago…
guest
I could have written your post about how you didn’t solve your baby’s sleep problems. I have a cat-napper who co-sleeps (poorly) with us and whose poor sleeping habits are made worse by developmental leaps, growth spurts, changes to her daddy’s work schedule, things that I’ve eaten that give her gas, teething and God knows what else. She’s almost 11 months and seems to have had enough of sleeping in the bed. This is the first time we’ve put her in the crib and she’s slept. I’m in shock. Hope you’re sleeping well these days!