As a WOHM, I live for my weekends. Weekends are when I get to maximize my time with my family. They are not quite as relaxing as they were pre-parenthood (the days of sleeping in are far behind me), but I cherish the time we get to spend together.
Before I became a mom, I was anxious about how I might handle “the juggle” between my career and my family. I always knew I was more likely to be a working mom than a stay-at-home mom for a variety of reasons. While I was open to the possibility I might want to stay at home after Baby Checkers was born, I always envisioned myself working and having a family. My mom was a prime example for me. For over 25 years she worked over 40 hours a week, sometimes working two jobs when we were younger. And somehow she managed to cart me from one lesson to another, driving from work to school to home to my rehearsals, all without a single complaint.
Then there were my friends who are working moms. I remember having lunch with an old colleague of mine who shared that as a working mom, she never felt like she was giving 100% to any one thing. When she was working, she missed her child; when she needed to miss work to be with her child, she felt guilty. I suppose every one of us experiences “mama guilt” from time to time, and it looks differently for each of us.
Towards the end of my maternity leave with Baby Checkers, I sometimes questioned my decision to return to work – not because I did not want to work, but because I wondered if returning to work meant that I did not love my baby enough to stay home. The doubts were self-imposed, and I am fortunate to have a husband, family, and friends who would have supported whatever decision I made.
It has now been over a year since I went back to work full-time after having Baby Checkers.
Some days I find little hidden reminders from my girl while I am at work:
And some days Baby Checkers will use my work items for her personal use:
As a mom, I am learning there will be good days and there will be bad days. On a typical day I go to work, I rush home and it is a mad dash to get dinner ready, feed Baby Checkers, play, give Baby Checkers a bath, and begin her bedtime routine. Once she is down for the night, there is always cleaning to do (toys, dishes, floors, etc.), and then sometimes I am back to work, checking and answering emails. If I am feeling extra productive I will shower, and then sleep around midnight, only to do it all over again the next day. A fellow working mama friend calls this “the blur.” And lately my life has felt blurry.
Perfectionist tendencies (oh who am I kidding – PERFECTIONISM) have/has not served me well in the course of my life. That “mama guilt” I mentioned before? Mama guilt is not my friend, and yet it is a close companion, often in my head telling me I should be doing more. I should be an excellent wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and employee all the time. And I should always know what I am doing and never make mistakes.
Now that you all know this about me, I will share that becoming a mother has been, and continues to be, one of the most humbling experiences in my life.
And in this blurry season, I have decided to follow the mantra of one of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, which is to be “present over perfect.”
After all, the sooner my daughter realizes I am not perfect, the better off she’ll be.
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
@MrsCheckers: “I should be an excellent wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and employee all the time. And I should always know what I am doing and never make mistakes.”
This. Exactly. I go through this every day. Your post brought tears to my eyes (and if I weren’t at work I would be crying). I am going to show this to DH so that I can better explain how I feel . . . the overwhelming compulsion to be perfect at home, at work, and as a person (losing pg weight).
honeydew / 7488 posts
All too familiar with the blur! You’re doing great!
grape / 75 posts
love!
olive / 63 posts
Love this. My friend posted this: “you are enough. You do enough. You have enough.” I remind myself to let go constantly-you’re right though, motherhood has been a humbling experience!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
Love this – every single weekend feels like a blur lately. Sunday afternoon rolls around and I’ve got a case of the Monday-dread, not because I have to work, but because our special time together is almost over.
grapefruit / 4278 posts
YES x1000… I’ve been so down the last few weeks and feel like everything is a blur, that I’m not giving 100% to anything. It’s nice to know it’s probably a common feeling and we all do what we can.
grapefruit / 4717 posts
Exactly how I feel. Thanks for posting.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
Awww… This is a working mom love story!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I’ve been feeling the blur a lot lately (and crying way too much because of it). I actually wrote a post about feeling so inadequate these days, and for not ever feeling like i’m giving enough to my daughter.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
I really worry about how it will be when I return to work after maternity leave. I love the idea of being “present over perfect.” I’ll try to remember that when it’s my turn to enter “the blur.” Thanks for sharing this!
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
First of all, I LOVE all the pictures of you an your beautiful girl. Secondly, I feel like you perfectly stated exactly what I’m feeling everyday.
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
@MsLipGloss: @BabyBoecksMom: @Mrs. High Heels: @pregnantbee: @kiddosc: @Mrs. Stroller: @Kfamilie: @T-Mom:
Glad to know I’m not alone. =) It helps to know there are other mamas who can commiserate!
nectarine / 2667 posts
I feel like this! “The Blur” was not something I expected and it took me many weeks to start to accept that it is our life. I cried just yesterday because I felt like I am slacking as a wife, mother, and teacher. I love “present over perfect” and I LOVE LOVE “You are enough. You do enough. You have enough.” I’m going to post that on my desk (and in my car and above the dishwasher, etc, etc, )
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: Love that you called it that.
I didn’t even think of the post that way!
@mewtill: Me too. I was recently talking to a coworker of mine who had been praying for “the blur” to go away, and another mom told her it doesn’t go away, but you ask for help in handling it all. This is our way of life now, and I imagine it gets even busier as the kids get older!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Mrs Checkers: Oh, it’s a total WOHM love story! I could feel it in every word
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
@BabyBoecksMom: Thank you
I take way too many! I’m that obnoxious parent on Facebook.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
Oh, the blur! I usually think of it as a marathon, actually, but blur may be even better. With two little ones now, my weekends are kind of a blur, too… but a better blur. I feel so blessed that our nanny cleans for us. For me just to get everyone played, fed, clean, in bed, and lunches and pump parts ready seems so overwhelming.
I am so glad to hear this from the daughter of a WOHM by the way. My mom was a SAHM so I don’t have much of a frame of reference for what I’m doing now.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
thank you for this post! i’m going to keep it in mind for when i go back to work.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
“Present over Perfect.” I. LOVE. THAT. I must must must remember that often. The past two months here have been blurry as well. I feel your pain! (And, I think you are doing GREAT!)
apple seed / 4 posts
I just read this and it completely resonated with me. It is a blur..every single day. But we all make it work, right. Lets all remind ourselves that there is no such thing as having it all or being in control ALL THE TIME. We do the best we possibly can with limited hours in the day and that is just fine. Now I will try to follow my own advice!!! sending good vibes to all mamas!!