In this Swarm post, mamas of kids 3-4 years old chime in on which stage was the most difficult: infant, toddler, 2’s or 3’s.

I think it has been different with the three boys versus my one girl.

With the three boys, the infant stage was by far the most consuming. I felt like I barely survived the first year and as they grew a little older, things got easier and easier. Of course then they hit the terrible twos and we started having horrible fits, but it wasn’t constant like infancy. Now with the threes the fits are bigger and more defiant, but they are even less often. So although the issues are different and there are struggles at each stage, I think infancy was by far the most difficult with three under the age of 1.

My daughter was a piece of cake baby. The only problem we had was sleep training. She is still resistant to that. Now that we are heading towards two, I think she could be difficult in her twos and threes. She is a very opinionated lady and I think she is going to push lots of boundaries. We will see though.

I think part of it is that my confidence as a mother as increased which has helped greatly.

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I have different answers as a first time mom and as a second time mom. Every stage brings new challenges and is difficult in a different way.

Charlie – 3 years

Infant – With Charlie the infant stage was the hardest because I worried so much about everything, and there is such a huge learning curve as a first time parent. I also felt like I constantly had to engage Charlie, so if I was with him, I couldn’t get anything else done.

Toddler – From 13-24 months is what I refer to as “the golden age.” Charlie started walking at 13 months and he became so much more independent and fun! Then he had mastered running and I didn’t have to worry about him falling, and really started talking at 15 months; 15-24 months was hands down my favorite stage. He was a well-behaved boy that very rarely threw tantrums, and the pace with which he learned new things was so incredible to experience!

2’s – The 2’s continued to be pretty great and really weren’t “terrible.” We did deal with tantrums from time to time, but he was generally well-behaved. He was also great with his younger sister. The pace with which he hit milestones slowed down, but the conversations we could now have were hilarious.

3’s – The 3’s have just started, and they may end up being the toughest stage to date. Charlie is much more defiant, tantrums are much more frequent, and we find ourselves using threats and bribes regularly. Our patience is also a lot shorter in general because we have two kids, and we’re pooped!

Olive – 17 Months

Infant  – As a second time mom, the infant stage was so easy! Olive was so portable and we took her everywhere in the carrier or stroller because she slept for hours no matter where we went the first 4 months. And while I felt like I constantly had to engage Charlie as an infant, that just wasn’t an option with two kids. Because Olive is a second child and used to getting much less attention than Charlie, she has always been more independent and able to entertain herself. Since Olive is our last child, I’ve also savored the infant stage much more, and of course I no longer have any of the first time mom worries that I had with Charlie. That really helped me enjoy the infant stage.

Olive is also easier than Charlie was because she’s so cautious and she’s hitting her physical milestones much later than Charlie did. She’s such a cautious baby that she never falls or gets into mischief like Charlie did. At this age Charlie could (and did) stand on top of our dining room table!

The golden age for Olive so far was 8-12 months when she started sleeping better, sitting up, and was more mobile. I will say that it’s been harder since she became a toddler and started throwing tantrums. She is a very opinionated little lady! Each child’s temperament will affect which stage is most difficult, so it’ll be interesting to see how Olive’s 1’s, 2’s and 3’s turn out!

I think it’s going to get easier from the 2’s because Charlie and Olive really started playing together only recently. I think once she’s a little bit older, they’ll really start playing with each other all the time. That’s when things will get a little bit easier…. or will they? We’ll probably be breaking up fights then.

For me, the golden period was after they learn to walk and talk, and before they start the tantrums. For us that was about months 18-24. I think every other stage is difficult for different reasons. For the first child the newborn stage is definitely the most difficult. I put way too much pressure on myself and stressed out way more than I could have. I’m not sure what will be most difficult for the second child!

When Lil’ CB came home, he was 15 months old. It was such a fun and interactive age that still came with lots of cuddles and sweetness. From then until 24 months was just joy and, as others mentioned, golden.

Lil’ CB is 3 years and 4 months, and so far, this has been the most difficult age. We’ve seen a lot of attitude and defiance now that he knows so much more and can do so much more. However, we’ve also had some AWESOME times together because he is able to express himself so well and is able to do more *with* us. Before we had children, a friend once shared that she felt that as her son got older, the hard times got harder and the sweet times, though they grew farther and fewer between, got sweeter. I have to say, I’ve found that to be true so far, too!

Oh, unfortunately, this is easy for me to answer because it was just SO BAD. The 3’s. Especially the later 3’s … leading to the 4’s. The defiance, the attitude, the wanting to be a big kid even though he was still a little kid… A lot of the issues stemmed from having thoughts and opinions and not being able to voice them, some of it stemmed from the bad sleep patterns, and some of it was just that he was three!

He’s just turned 4.5 and I feel like we’re fully out of the defiant, angry, attitude mode. (Knock on wood!) It’s been SUCH a fun age and one I appreciate so much more now that I went through the late 3’s. So maybe that’s why the threes are so tough?! {wink}

I think that the first six months are the hardest. So much nursing, so little sleeping! They just need you a lot. I think that both my girls were fairly high needs babies and it felt like they were often physically attached to my body all day and all night. You change a million diapers.

The second half of the first year is a lot better, and more the golden baby stage I think, although it was still hard with Wonder Baby because she slept so very badly and I had expected it to resolve itself by then.

I do find toddler tantrums and whininess trying, but at least they aren’t keeping you up all night and nursing every hour. It’s less all consuming.

None of it was as hard as being pregnant though, for me!

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Which stage was the most difficult for you?