Unsolicited advice.  Everyone seems to face it, especially with a new babe in arms.  And the most common refrain, from moms old and new (and even some people without kids who have just heard it said so many times that they feel qualified to offer this advice as well), is simple:  “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase, Little C would have amassed quite the college fund already.

Yes, new moms out there, if you are a good and capable napper, by all means, SLEEP!  Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Getting sleep in those first few weeks (or months) of the newborn phase is absolutely critical when trying to maintain some semblance of sanity.

For many moms, myself included, laying down on the bed (or couch, or collapsing on the floor), closing your eyes and falling into a deep restorative sleep isn’t something easily done, especially with a baby monitor in hand and the clock ticking until the baby needed a fresh diaper or yet another feeding.

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A rare moment of “sleeping when the baby slept”

Well before our days of TTC and parenting, Mr. Confetti would take advantage of weekend afternoons to take a nap, and he would always pester me to join him.  Inevitably, he would fall asleep the moment his head touched the pillow while I lay awake, eventually resorting to reading or just relaxing and watching TV.  I couldn’t nap then, so I don’t know why I was surprised to find out that napping while the baby naps was just as difficult.

Despite my exhaustion during the first months of Little C’s life, I found I was unable to sleep during daytime hours.  My body just was not and is not programmed that way.  Not in college, not now, not ever.

To add insult to injury, I kept hearing that innocuous refrain, and despite the many well-wishers’ helpful intentions, it made me want to scream.  I. Just. Can’t. Nap.  After several weeks of being lectured about resting or napping while baby sleeps, I decided to formulate my own plan.

Self-care is not limited exclusively to getting enough sleep, although of course that is important too.  Instead of sleeping while the baby slept, I decided to be proactive, because my failed naps were turning into a tough case of couch-lock.  Failed attempts at napping left me sitting on the couch, spaced out in front of the TV or surfing the internet.  I was not sleeping, I was not eating enough, our house was a disaster, and we were only a couple weeks into parenthood.

I started to use Little C’s nap times in different ways.  I started the habit of taking my shower the moment Little C shut his eyes for his first nap of the day, so that no matter how long or short it was, I would get to at least lather up with soap so I felt some semblance of humanity for the rest of the day.

During naps, I would straighten up around the house, handling tasks that required two hands, like switching the laundry or washing dishes, which I had trouble doing with a babe in arms.  I would catch up on thank you notes and other correspondence.  I would eat breakfast, lunch and dinner during C’s three naps, so I could be sure that I was feeding myself and not just the baby.

By using Little C’s nap time mindfully, I could focus my energy during his waking hours to taking care of him, resting on the couch while nursing, snuggling with him, doing tummy time and laying together on the floor.  Then when he would go down for the nap closest to a normal bedtime, I would go down for bed too.  Oftentimes at eight.  Or seven.

As Little C’ stretches of sleep got longer, so did mine. The weeks were long and hard, but in time, they got a bit easier.

Everyone finds a different method to cope with the sleep deprivation in the early weeks of new motherhood.  What was yours?