At the grocery store yesterday, I saw a mother take a baby food jar off the shelf, open a package of spoons from the hanging rack and feed her baby right there in the aisle. When I saw that little unwashed spoon heading into the baby’s mouth, I immediately went a little crazy inside. The judgy feelings were off and running. The germs and the chemicals and the lack of proper eating routine… blah blah blah.

Then I stopped. That baby was not my baby. The choice of how and when she ate was not my own. Not to mention that I didn’t know any background on the situation. It was however, my decision whether or not to judge her.

As moms, we are under pressure from the moment that we figure out we are pregnant. I think my first thought after the excitement wore off from the positive pregnancy test was I hope I am going to be a good mother. It is natural and normal to feel that way as you are embarking on the most amazing, challenging journey that will change each and every aspect of your life.

When you have a baby, sometimes you’re made to feel like not loving every minute of it makes you a bad person, or even worse, a bad mother. Complaints are quickly followed by, “It’s all worth it for this little person.” Questions and comments from other mothers are the worst. Are you breastfeeding; are you co sleeping; why are you not doing fill in the blank. Sometimes we’re made to feel like we have to defend each and every action we make, and if we do not make the one that whomever we are speaking to has made, it is the wrong one.

In the early days when I was using a combination of formula and breastfeeding, I never told anyone I was doing both. I still hadn’t accepted my choice of not breastfeeding exclusively, and felt ashamed that I didn’t do it 100% of the time. I felt like a fraud every time someone said to me “good for you” upon hearing that I was breastfeeding. My personal favorite question by strangers was “Did you have an epidural?” I did, but do you need to know that?

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One of the things I took the most slack for early on in my motherhood journey was keeping our newborn daughter home with us and not allowing visitors in the early days. People could not understand why I did this and why I chose to have only my parents and my husband at the hospital as well. To this day I try to keep my daughter’s life as calm as possible. My choice is to, at least for the foreseeable future, revolve around her nap times and bed times. For my daughter, who is easily overstimulated and sensitive, I feel that this is what works for her. I am also still uncomfortable with many people holding our daughter and often keep her with me. People view this as me being a helicopter mom and overprotective and have told me so many times. I say so be it.

Some people may view my having my newborn sleep in her own crib in a separate room as dangerous, sleep training as horrible (I now say sleep routine), or using formula to supplement as a detriment to her health and judge me as a mother based on that. I wouldn’t think that is fair so why should I judge this woman who was feeding her little one in the store? In the end, I decided an understanding smile was much more appropriate than a disapproving raised eyebrow.

When it comes to parenting, what have you felt judged on or found yourself judging others about?