I have a confession to make. I am that mom. Yes, that mom who sits on the shag rug at play group, chatting happily with the other mamas while silently observing my son and comparing his achievements and abilities to her peers. It doesn’t happen all the time, but I have my moments. While I loathe how I feel inside when I notice I’m doing it, it’s a tough habit to break.
I am not judging the other kids because Little C has surpassed their achievements, and I think he is the baby to beat. Not at all. If anything, it’s the opposite. I watch the kids crawl, climb and play with their toys, and I worry.
As a first time mother staying home day in and day out with a ten month old, it’s hard not to focus on the milestones of babyhood and whether or not your child is reaching them “by the book.” Despite his extremely positive nine month visit to the pediatrician earlier this month, where we heard that his development is moving along just as it should, sometimes I can’t help but watch and worry.
Baby E. and Baby A. are nearly walking proficiently while Little C still prefers to crawl or even scoot on his belly some of the time. Baby S. is full-on cruising while Little C is tentatively side-stepping to and fro on the coffee table. There is a cacophony of chatter coming from the baby pile-up by the toy pile, but C’s babble barely includes the typical “da-da” and “ma-ma.” All the other babies seem happy to play with (or at least near) each other, while Little C prefers to stay close to me and has a tendency to shy away from the pack.
Just as every child follows his or her own growth curve regarding height, weight and head circumference, I remind myself regularly that consistent progress matters more than the date or age when he reaches the end goal. Little C is following his own “achievement curve” if such a thing exists.
Thankfully, all of the angst and judgment of C’s achievements stays rattling around in my head. None of the others moms in our Friday morning meet up have ever commented or compared the children’s abilities in a judgmental way. I’m sure that if I brought up any of my concerns, most of the moms would tell me that they didn’t even notice that Little C’s babbling lacked consonants or that he can only cruise moving to the right.
If anything, I suspect that most of the moms in the room must worry about something, whether it is about development, sleep, solid foods, or any of the other challenges that come from a learning how to do an ever-changing new job – this new job title called “Mom.”
Do you ever worry about milestones?
pomegranate / 3414 posts
I constantly fight the urge to compare DS to DD in regards to milestones. So far I’ve not dove into DD’s daycare sheets to figure out when she started doing things compared to DS but here are some things I’ve observed:
-DD was sleeping from 7PM-6AM from about 12 weeks, DS still hasn’t accomplished this at 6.5m
-DS was 17lbs10oz at his 6m well-baby, DD wasn’t 18lbs until her 18m well-baby
-DD was content to sleep on her stomach as soon as she could roll over; DS rolls onto his stomach, immediately wakes up props himself up on his arms and screams until someone goes in and puts him back on his back (he can roll both ways but chooses not to)
-DS is right on in regards to clothing size (6m and wearing 6-9m); DD didn’t start wearing each size until the upper month limit (started wearing 3-6m at 6m)
apricot / 453 posts
Totally me! At 18 months I still am. I know not to “worry” but still do – it’s just my nature and (hopefully) being a first time mom.
coconut / 8279 posts
yep!
Though J was born a bigger boy he struggled to gain weight and never loved taking a bottle. He was growing along just fine and was always a little taller of a baby but weight-wise was always on the smaller side. I would see friends’ kids sucking down 6 oz at a time, holding their own bottles – my kid never once did that. But he was always ahead of all the physical milestones, early to roll over, crawl, pull to stand, walk, etc. Now I’m noticing he doesn’t know as many words as other kids even though he’s way ahead with using utensils at the table and understanding and taking direction.
I think it’s normal to compare. It’s hard not to when you just want what’s best for you kid and want to make sure you’re doing everything you can to encourage and help them along.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I think most moms do on some level, don’t you think? Maybe not worry, but at least aware of differences and what their baby can do.
I suppress a lot of anxiety about walking. M walks, but he still doesn’t prefer to. He crawled pretty early so the late walking gives me a little pit in my stomach. His doctor assures me it’s fine though and daycare tells me he walks most of the time there!
I wish I hadn’t felt judged though. At a play date nearly a month ago a mom gave me a whole host of reasons why he’s not walking exclusively yet and most of them fell into the “my fault” category. I just smiled and noted how her daughter hit, shoved and and stole food from the other kids and was grateful that my compassionate little boy had his issues and not hers.
pea / 22 posts
Lol, My C is the smallest baby in his playgroup but is up there with the most advanced. He is on the verge of standing unassisted at 9 months while the other bigger and older babies are still getting the hang of crawling.
I’ll be honest, I am proud of him
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
Yep, I do the same and he’s 10.5 months.
– T has always been a peanut since birth and never drank big bottles. He’s growth has been awesome, but he’s still tiny even though he drinks better now and destroys solids evtable foods!
– T doesn’t seem to know what words mean (or the names of objects/toys) and we don’t have a first word yet.
– He crawled at 8 months and loves to stand and has been pulling up on everything for over a month but doesn’t do much cruising. I thought he’d be an early walker, but now I doubt it.
It’s natural and every mom does it (or at least I think so)
grapefruit / 4923 posts
yes, even at the 10-week mark. i’m wondering why LO doesn’t sleep through the night like some of these magic babies i hear about, i get stressed when the pediatrician asks questions like “is he looking at his hands” and i’m like “dude i don’t think he knows yet he has hands”, that sort of thing.
apricot / 498 posts
@edelweiss: my opnion is if anyone says their kids sleep through the night they are lying : )
With the twins, it is simply impossible not to compare them. But I have found that I tend to focus on the development of each individually not one vs the other. Such as my son can sit up on his own and his sister has the pincher reflex. The only thing I wish was that my daughter learned how to sit up on her own because I see how frustrated she gets that she can’t. But her adapted pose is just to cute for words, she lays on her side with one leg crossed over the other and a hand on her hip.
guest
At three and a half, I can look back and see that all milestones were both early and late compared to a couple of kids in our play group. And then we went to preschool, and he was both ahead and behind other kids there. My mother says, most kids are sitting up, eating solids and potty trained by kindergarten, so don’t worry.
persimmon / 1396 posts
I do the same thing! LO just turned 10 months.
She is super ahead at all of the physical milestones. She started crawling at 6m and is now starting to walk for the past 3 weeks.
She is not as far advanced with language though. She primarily says dada. She will only say Mama when she is angry. She says a few more syllables, but mostly everythign is dada.
We still have a huge spit up problem. As soon as she spits up, everyone comments on how she should have outgrown that by now, includig the dr. I worry about it every day
grapefruit / 4923 posts
@Ms.SK: that’s exactly what my husband said when i told him!
pea / 22 posts
@babynumber1: My son (9 months) still pukes like once a day. He had reflux as a baby, bad enough to take meds. I dont worry too much about it.
edit: haha “as a baby”….
olive / 55 posts
My coworker and friend has a baby and I do this too — despite the fact that her son is 10.5 months and my daughter is only 7.5! There’s no way they’ll hit the same milestones with that age difference, yet I can’t help but think about it. It makes no sense, ha.
grapefruit / 4731 posts
Every baby is different. ^_^ Also boys tend to develope slightly slower than girls. My son was not even cruising at all at 10 months old! So your son is doing pretty good there!
He only started cruisng at about a year, and he’s almost 13 months and just started standing on his own but has no plans from we can tell to actually move his legs while standing on his own.
I definitely worry too but when we went to his 1 year appointment his doc was not concerned at all and said that DS is doing great.
Chin up! It’s most likely he’s just going his own pace which is great.
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
Oh yes! I find myself doing this often. I often , after reading another little one has said their first word, crawled etc. before my little tea cup has, find myself having her practice the skill more and more hoping she will get it too.
When she has no interest in rolling over, I wanted to call the doctor every day to have appointments to see if all was well {she did eventually start rolling over, she is big baby so she had to build up her muscles apparently ha!}
I think for me it is based around the fact that I am just a worrier. I find I have a fear about her not meeting milestones, in case it is a sign of something larger. I have to remind myself to trust in the fact that no matter what happens everything will be okay and my little one is perfect just as she is !