My last post about my daughter Paige and her Mutsy doll told a story about a complete breakdown of my temper. It’s a pretty common issue, and that particular story taught me so much about myself and my own issues with patience.
When we are tired, we don’t think clearly. We are in a sort of survival mode and make quick decisions based on how quickly it can get us back to bed. Letting the Mutsy issue get to that point in the first place was the first problem. We should have taken the stuffed dog away as soon as Paige cried more than once for us to come in her room. Not letting it go on for a week would have kept our anger from rising about it.
What else did I learn from the situation? Well, I learned that Paige is not a calm and cool thinker in the middle of the night either. It would have been much more peaceful if I’d just switched her jammies altogether right away when she spilled water on them rather than try to prove a point and teach her a lesson. It was the middle of the night, after all.
The most important thing I learned is that by yelling at my daughter, I had lost control of myself. And because of this, the situation got out of hand and Paige was screaming and writhing around. I escalated the entire situation by yelling. A three-year old cannot control her emotions yet. It is my job to remain calm and model the correct behavior. But, I lost my temper and made the whole thing way worse. If I were to do it again, I would grit my teeth and calmly change her jammies. The whole meltdown could have been avoided (and even eliminated the need for me to go find a wipe which means less work on my end).
When we lose our temper, it can create undue stress. We all know losing our patience can cause us to blow simple situations way out of proportion.
Since that fight, I’ve learned to notice when I feel myself losing my patience. I stop. I breathe. I notice what is happening. Just doing that alone, I feel more calm. I can almost hear a soothing female voice inside me saying “See? You could be losing your patience, but you will not let a three year old get the best of you. Just calmly walk to your nearest exit and do not run.”
Now, I look at my daughter and remember that she’s just a baby and learning to navigate through her feelings. It’s my job to remain the captain of the ship and calmly steer the course to smooth waters. If the situation at hand warrants a punishment, I send her to the naughty step without fanfare. If I’m simply frustrated, then I tell her that I’m feeling frustrated and need to take a few deep breaths. We both stay calm and she learns how she can handle her own frustration. Win-win.
How do you maintain your patience when your little one’s behavior challenges it?
pomelo / 5178 posts
I’ve been using a similar strategy, lately, of just trying to recognize when I’m losing my patience. I’ve noticed that Mondays are particularly difficult because all of us are getting used to DH going back to work for the week; the kids and I really miss him during the week, so we seem to have to readjust every single Monday. I also noticed that if I have a bunch of chores to do in the morning, I get more stressed out by the kids since I’m trying to get a bunch of stuff done and entertain two kids. This morning I got up earlier than usual, and DH went into work a little bit later, and that seemed to help minimize our stress so far today. I’ve still had a few moments of frustration, but just recognizing my own feelings has helped a lot with that today. Hopefully, we’ll both continue making progress in this area.
I’ll say one thing, increasing my patience and tolerance is probably one of the hardest lessons parenting has taught me!
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
this has been one of my biggest challenges lately. i have been getting so frustrated with charlie because olive isn’t old enough to understand everything yet, so i expect a lot more of him as the older child. but he just turned 3 and is still growing in so many ways himself.
today i tried to be much more patient that i usually am, and charlie behaved better than usual. bedtime is another story though. who knew that bedtime troubles would be MUCH harder as toddlers than infants!
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
I struggle with losing my temper with my daughter from time to time as well. After reflecting on it, I usually realize, like you said, that it is fueled by being very tired. I am so glad you shared this post because it makes me feel like I am not alone in my struggles. It’s also a wonderful reminder to take a deep breath and try to remember that our little ones are just learning and need our patience even in those tough moments.
clementine / 958 posts
I love this series of posts – thank you for sharing! I thought I was a patient person until I had a toddler. I’ve come to realize I’m not very patient at all, which probably has a lot to do with being tired. Like you, I’ve been trying to be very conscious of when I start to lose my patience. It’s amazing to me how much simply acknowledging that it’s happening and taking a couple deep breaths helps.
cherry / 175 posts
Very good advice on keeping cool when losing patience with our LOs!
@owlmom : I, too, felt like I was patient until I had a child! But I think you’ve hit the nail on the head…tiredness introduces many things that were not ‘normal’ before. Ah, if there was only a way to get a handle on tiredness.